Are nursing homes really horrible? I've got to do smething.

Sandy22,
My heart cries out for you. It seems most of us on this forum have and feel the same pain, frustration, guilt, etc.., and yet I find it curious that the forum directors only show the responses they feel are the "most helpful". My personal (family) experiences with Nursing Home/Rehab/Care facilities has been nothing like the favorable things I read here. My wife worked as CNA in several from low income to fancy rich facilities that had expensive art and cushy furniture, and the one constant and ever present factor was jaded, sometimes shameless lack of care. When we would show up unannounced it would seem they would spring in to action, but sneak in, or hang around long enough to be unnoticed and things change. Just a couple weeks ago, my paw-paw called from his Nursing Home crying for help, and my wife packed and left for the 4.5 hour drive to see him, and found him dehydrated, 3rd degree burns in his groin area from coffee that he should not have had to begin with, and at a temperature that violated all Texas protocol for serving anywhere, he was completely rashed from mid-thigh to belt from laying in his urine and feces, and when he was rushed to hospital his blood showed a level of narcotics sufficient to stop a charging bull. My point is, if at all possible, try to find a way to do this where you can be an integral part of the process. At home would be best for your loved one, but maybe not for you if you need some separation from the stress. We went with the home because we ourselves have disabling conditions and can not lift or hold him up, but now we are trying to find a way to bring him back home due to the many moves to "5" different nursing homes in 3 different cities that all resulted in pitiful care and diminishing health.
Right now you need to take a break, and I mean fast. There MUST be someone who can give you an hour, a day, or two? I do understand, because we had nobody willing, although many family members. But if your health and mental stability suffers, then there will be nobody to handle it anyway, right?
I will make sure our entire Church Family has you and yours in our prayers daily. Every time I read your story, I cried and wish I could do more.
Stay strong, and make your "self" first, and most of all keep the Faith!
Blessings & Tender Mercies from our Lord. ----Big Hugs---