Are caregivers planning ahead to reduce the caregiver stress their kids will experience in 20-30-40 years?

One more thought: While it may seem grim, many states are passing right to die legislation, and something tells me this is in anticipation of millions of boomers aging to the point where they've exceeded some established life expectancy. I predict many seniors, with/without children, knowing how little they can do for themselves, will turn to such legislation to avoid years of existence in minimal care facilities.

I'm not endorsing this option. I'm simply looking at the state of the economy and the fact that far fewer children, whose parents are boomers, will be in a financial position to care for aging parents. Parent's savings will be depleted by rising inflation, and unless things change, the standard of living for millions of our children won't be equal to or better than the standard of living boomers have today. This means new approaches to elder care will have to be devised to address "the new normal."

My mom has live with me for the past year and a half........knowing what I know now I will not do that to my kids. I can no longer come and go as I please, I dispense medications three times a day, prepare meals or mom won't eat.......etc., etc.,and mom isn't at her worst.....yet. At least mom's financially stable......but it doesn't make it any easier to put her in a home......which I want to do because she can be hard to deal with......any one out there just want their life back? Selfish as it sounds.........I do........because my mom sure enjoyed her life at my age.....without the responsibilities I have...........which is what I want back.......sigh.......okay.....now I feel guilty.......... :(

I will never want or allow my daughter to go through what I am going through as a caregiver for my dad. This was not a life I chose, but just obligated myself into (a story for another time).
I have told my daughter that I will have my place picked out and she can visit me once a week and must bring chocolate. :) She takes it as a joke, but I have told her that I am extremely serious.
She is an only child, unlike myself with 3 other siblings, but in the journey of taking care of my dad, I have become an only child. I do not want her to give up her life or time with her children (if/when that time comes) as I have done with her to have to care for me.
I am only in my early 40s and have taken steps to make sure that I can be taken care of by a caregiver (not my daughter) or in a facility. Caregiving for a parent is a hard life and while there are many rewards and laughter along the way, there is also a tremendous amount of stress that I would not wish upon anyone, especially my own child.

The human race has had millennia to work out how best to treat elders. But only 100 years or so to work out how to cope when so many people get as old as they routinely do now in western societies. No wonder we're floundering.

As we're the second, third, fourth generation who can expect to live past eighty and ought to be getting the hang of things, I'm sure we're all making mental notes so as not to repeat our grandparents' and parents' mistakes. And I'm equally sure that when the time comes we will make different mistakes instead.

Build up a pension. Make future care directives and give copies to your family, friends and lawyer. Research your options well in advance. Do everything you can now to make sure others aren't burdened by caring for you in the future. But you have no idea how things will look or how you will feel about it when and if you actually get there, so always remember: if you want to make God laugh, make a plan.

I haven't exactly planned ahead but I've been thinking. That's a start. I look after my MIL who lives about 40 or 50 feet from me. She has mild/moderate Alzheimer's and is still able to do most things for herself. I dispense her medicine to her twice a day and just check to make sure she's ok for the most part. I bring her dinner 5 nights a week, pick up groceries for her when she asks which has become more frequent, take her to doctor appointments or make arrangements for her to get there, etc. and am also raising two small children. If she needed me to start cleaning her house I could do that on a Saturday while dh is home to look after the kids. I don't foresee being able to do much more beyond that. I don't think most of the people who put their loved ones in a facility are necessarily selfish. I think a lot of us would take care of our loved ones ourselves if we were in a position to be able to do it.

But we're just not able. We're trying to balance caring for our loved ones and raising a family, maintaining a career to save for our own future and having to look after our own health. Some of our loved ones require care that only a trained professional could give.

I don't want my husband and/or children to have to make decisions about what to do with me. I don't want my children to have to give up their lives or careers, or have to sacrifice their marriages or families to have to take care of me. I would be doing them a disservice. I want them to love me enough to take care of me by advocating for me. I want them to do what is best for themselves as well as for me. Pick out a good home for me and make sure the staff is taking proper care of me. That is how they can take care of me in my old age.

My MIL doesn't want to go to a NH and I don't blame her. I don't want her to go. But there may not be any other choice. Do I wish things were different? Absolutely!

I live my life. Some of habits (vices) will probably kill me but I enjoy them and why live beyond usefullness? Almost all of us despite a healthy life style get to the point where we are a burden either on our children or society because we live too long these days. I think many of us have been brainwashed into thinking we will live the entirety of our lives independent,productive and enjoying the company of our friends to the very end.Few of us will.The truth is ugly but it is the truth.We will eventually be warehoused in some nursing home, out of sight and out of mind so those behind us will not have to face what fate lies ahead.I am now retired. I will eat as I please, dress like an old fart, wear my wrinkles and saggy skin as a testament to hard work,smoke if I choose,drink and laugh while I can, spend my own money and the heck with the kids and tomorrow. I have no desire of trying to live into my 90's.I think a life that long is UNNATURAL and we all know it somewhere deep inside.

I'm having D-N-R tattooed on my chest. It's the best I can do. I'm 62.

Where I live, we have wonderful retirement home choices for those 55 years and older.... some communities offer small single family homes with zero lot lines which means quick yard maintenance.... club house.... walking trails.... indoor pools.... restaurants.... yada, yada, yada. Each year those retirement communities look better and better to me :) I could bond with new friends, and we can help each other go into the next step, independent apartments when the time comes, etc.

My parents, who are in their 90's, still live in a regular subdivision, in a 3 story single family house. Snow comes and the neighbors shovel out my parent's driveway.... neighbors bring the newspaper to the front door.... when Dad falls, there usually is a neighbor who spots him and tries to help. Where am I? Working because I am a woman of an era where we didn't get the high paying jobs, the big pensions, etc. because those jobs were given to men because women "usually get married and leave the company".... [sigh].

My parents have only Plan A which means I am there to drive them where ever they need to go, get their groceries, run errands. They could have easily afford a retirement community and wouldn't be so bored at home.

From what I have noticed, it is mainly the daughter or grand-daughter to be the caregiver. Why not the son or grandson? Why do we ask the girls to quit their jobs and not ask the boys? It's interesting the answers one get depending on what generation you ask.

My parents are pretty healthy for their age, I have a feeling they will out live me.

I bought a long term care insurance policy. I see how much it helps with expenses. At some point I plan to establish a trust to pay a case manager, a financial person and personal expenses. I hope not to live so long I am demented or frail, but after six years of caregiving, I know what is needed and its really hard to know how to cover all the bases. The people with someone checking on them get the best care.

Four words I hate, I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN! Children are not commodities or investments for their parent's future elderly caregiving needs. I am an adult child and my sole existence isn't based on the needs of my parents. Catering to elderly parents are not a requirement of my birth. I live in America, not China or India where the birth of a female has no value and males births are required to ensure the parents of future care. In a civilized society, children are a blessing, not products of goods and services based on the supply and demand of future care of parents.

Believe me, this is a topic on my mind on a daily basis. I absolutely do not want to put my children through this even though they state they will do it no matter what. I love my mother dearly and I would make the same decision to be her caregiver, but it is difficult emotionally, mentally, physically, and every other "ally". But I do not want my childrens lives to be put "on hold" while they care for me. The sad thing about this is, my inlaws live with us, and that is the hardest of all, to have to make decisions for them, when they rebel. I pray I can implement a plan for my elder years to protect my children.

As caregivers, we have a bit of inside information that others who have not walked in our shoes do not have. From this experience, I choose to pass all my worldly possessions (house and any money left) to our children now. Note: I was widowed at 59 from the man of my dreams so it is just me now and I will never remarry as I refuse to replace him with someone else.) I have insisted to our children that I want to live in a nursing home rather than with them. I adore our children and they treat me like gold. That's how I want them to remember things. If I hadn't done this caregiving, I would have never thought to make such a critical decision. and I feel good about it.

It has never occurred to me to ask my children to care for me and I would not. There are alternatives. I worked well past traditional retirement age to provide myself with a decent pension and I will manage what I have to within that. Asking them is simply not an option and never was. They have their own lives to live. I have a sig other now and we will work out what is needed for us without burdening our children. My father was placed in a facility as he aged and died there (much older than my mother) and she was still working by necessity), my mother and sig other's parents are in facilities. Children do have a role, but not on a daily basis.