I am so happy to have run across this community. As I have read and read and read I am curious -- do aging women tend to be more difficult than aging men? In my own situation my father is super passive and acts like he has no agency because his body is failing (Parkinson's) but I find him easy to talk to, be with and help when he needs it. Maybe he is of that generation where men expected to be taken care of -- so it is easier for him? My mother, on the other hand, is an emotionally needy nightmare combo of (unmedicated because she says meds make her fat) mental illness and declining cognitive ability. Her entire life she has been successful at getting people to participate in her delusional world. She expects people to take care of her (and to deal with the emotional, financial and sometimes legal fallout from her various episodes) but blows off assistance or makes it logistically impossible to help out. Visits make me want to scream from frustration.
Where as my mother always expected me to be there and help. She said her children owed her. She suffered bringing us into the world. But she has also said she is willing to go into a nursing home when the time goes and will not burden her children.
My Mom was extremely stubborn, where my Dad was so easy going. Mom refused to move from their house. Dad was ready to pack and go to Independent Living. Mom shooed out the caregivers after 3 days. After Mom passed, Dad was more than happy to have the caregivers help him.
Yet, I have a friend where it is the opposite. The Dad is the very stubborn one, and Mom is easy going.