I've a unique situation and am seeking some advice. I'm my 85 yr old Dad's POA and he does listen to my advice, most of the time. I'm afraid, however, facing what I'm going to be telling him this time might just set him against me for good.
First off, let me say that Dad is doing just fine financially. He has a good monthly income and a decent amount in savings. Due to illnesses (and some symptoms of early dementia) he's currently staying with my brother and sis in law. My sis in law is watching him nearly 24/7 due to unsteadiness on his feet and periodic confusion, especially after waking from one of his many "naps". She's afraid to leave him on his own at all and he won't hear of having a "babysitter".
My older brother and I both live out of state so can't help. We seriously believe that it's time that dad starts paying for his care. He does pay his share of the bills and food, but my brother, and especially my sis in law, are really doing above and beyond for him. SIL has put her life on hold for him. They also need someone to stay up and watch him at night so they can get decent sleep (I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about here). My niece (age 22) has told me she would do it for 500.00 a month (she's a true night owl), a real bargain if you ask me. We think Dad should pay her to take the night shift, and pay my SIL 1,000.00/mo to care for all the other hours of care she's giving. Thing is, he can more then afford this, especially since he gambles nearly 1500.00 a month at the casino.
My sister in law is the one who takes him to the casino and she's tried not taking him but he get's like a little kid...rants, raves, cries and pouts, for days until she finally relents and takes him.nnFunny thing is, none of us want to take his gambling away. We know why he does it...it helps to ease the pain of being old, dependent, sick and without mom. We're all of the mind that he and mom earned their money, and if he wants to spend it that way, more power to him. He can afford, for a few year anyway, to pay both the 1500.00/mo for his care and gamble 1500.00/mo. He will need to sell his home up north (will never be able to go back to it anyway) to help him do it, but it is an option.
I know he's going to feel betrayed when I bring all this up. He thinks he's earned his care by having raised my brother. He already feels betrayed by my older brother (long story) and I'm afraid bring this up is going to cause him to believe my younger brother is only after his money, which is not at all the case. The paying was my idea, actually, and we all three children agreed it was what needs to happen.
I know that we are extremely fortunate that he does have the resources he does, but it doesn't change the fact that I know he's going to fight us on this, and I'm not sure what to do if he does. Does anyone have any ideas?