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My 2 sisters and I are concerned as my 3 sister has moved a boyfriend and his son into my 80 year old mom's home. My mom is feeding/cleaning up after them. She is on limited income, and depleting her savings to care for them all. We also fear them stealing from her as they don't work, nor have they been known to my sister for a length of time. It's a 'new' boyfriend she 'loves'.

My mom is easily swayed, though not senile in anyway, but she doesn't know how to get them to leave, nor does she want to upset her daughter (one who moved them in).

We're hoping to talk her into appointing her other 3 daughters (of which I'm one) a special power of attorney. We'd like to be able to start eviction proceedings if these men won't leave. They're talking of staying. :( They're taking advantage of an older woman at the least, and the possibility of stealing from her is huge.

Is something like this possible? 2 of my sisters live in different states, I live in Pa near my mom. My 4th sister will oppose this for sure, she likes living off my mom. :( We figure if 3 must agree it'll be a check and balance that may make mom feel safer.

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If Mom wants her own home back again, and she is competent, she can do it herself. No POA or other contracts or documents needed. You can lend moral support and do the legwork for her.

If she wants it done, but wants to pretend it wasn't her decision, maybe the POA is a good front to put on it.

If she isn't willing to go through with it, be aware the POA does not give you the authority to act against her wishes while she is still competent to make her own decisions.

There is really no way you can save Mom from this situation if she does not want to be saved.

POA, Medical Proxy, Advanced Health Care Directive, and an up-to-date will are still wonderful things to get in place while Mom is still fully able to make her own decisions.

Getting the freeloaders out of the house will take Mom's cooperation, however you approach it.
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Thanks for all the advice. I'll talk with my sisters and mom about what you've all told me.

I just know she needs us in her corner right now. A POA was my only thought. If there's any other way to encourage freeloaders to leave, I'd love to hear it. One is starting a job and supposedly going to be paying her a small amount to help with the food she's making them.

I just want my mom to have her own home back again.
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I agree in that i do not like the situation your mother is in. My mom (before her alzheimer's) and my dad (not deceased) did whatever my sister wanted for the most part (they didn't live together) because if they didn't go along with my sister my sister would get mad and not talk to my parents for weeks; hence during those weeks my parents were not able to see the grandchildren. My mom provided all the child care for years without pay. My sister still did this to my mom after my dad died.
I don't know if the word is swayed, exploited or what (maybe you can help me), but my sister knew something was wrong with my mom's mind yet allowed my mom to use half of her savings to buy 2 brand new cars for the two grandchildren. My mom offered to also buy me a car but I said no, you need your money mom; you don't know how or why but you may need it. Sure enough we needed caregivers here at my house for mom and we ran out of money so she had to go to a nursing home. I hate my sister for this; when i went to go check on mom's hernia BIL saw me and mom in the bank (I always went to the bank with mom when I visited); he reported his sighting to my sister (I found out when she started yelling at me) and when i called my sister she started yelling that i snuck into town to steal mom's money!!!!! OMG. Sister hasn't talked to us since.
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Get medical and financial POA both!! You will need both to act on behalf of your mother. As she ages, and in this wierd situation, this will be a great tool to have. I am so grateful to have had it for my mom!!!
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NEVER NEVER NEVER have joint POA. That means that all of you have to agree if you "share" powers. It's better to get one to be #1 Poa and backup poa #2 and so on. A POA can still communitcate and weigh benefits of cons of things regarding the LO but sharing powers is really hard if you are not all agreeing....you might all be in agreement now about the situation but not so in other matters later down the road. Regardless of who is POA you should always consult with one another, work together for the betterment of your mother .....always. I vote for the eldest to be POA if she wants to accept the responsibility and making all the others # 2 #3 and so on. Google shared power of attorney online
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parrotlover58,

You can appoint joint Power of Attorney's but make sure it is in the best interest for everyone in you family, even the joint POA's. Here are two articles that might give you better insight to the POA and Guardianship processes.

The Difference Between a POA, Durable POA and Living Will
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/difference-between-POA-durable-power-of-attorney-living-will-140435.htm

How to Get Guardianship of an Elderly Parent
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-guardianship-of-elderly-parents-140693.htm

Best of Luck. Let us know how it goes.

Karie H.
AgingCare.com Team
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Mother can appoint one of you as POA, with others as backup. Unless she is incompetent you could not evict someone out of her house against her wishes. If she is in favor of doing it but just doesn't want to handle it herself, the POA should work.

I urge you not to have her set up joint POA, though. One person needs to be in charge. Down the road, decisions might need to be made quickly, and management by committee is never quick! Requiring 3 of you to agree on everything may be more an obstacle than a check-and-balance measure.

Will the sister who lives with Mom stay if her boyfriend is evicted?

If Mom is easily swayed, could the sister who lives with her talk her into naming that sister as POA?

While a simple POA can often be done as a do-it-yourself document, in this case, where there is family conflict, I suggest seeing an attorney who specializes in elder law. Your mother can have a will updated or drawn up and an advanced health care directive done along with the POA.

Good luck!
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