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i love my parent, but i dont know how to be a mom to my mom. im weary after only 3 mos. and she loves guilt to get her way. i wanted to help her so she moved in with me and now its 24 hr care. and her home helper isnt much help

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It's good that you're reaching out, Helpless72. You'll find all kinds of support on this site. It probably won't help much, but I was a mess after 3 months, and then after 6 months it all got a bit more manageable. What really helped was a shift in attitude on my part: I started thinking about caregiving as a profession, and when I approached my day as a "professional caregiver", it felt less emotional and the guilt was easier to slough off. After all, it is a job for many people. Don't think of yourself as your mother's mother, think of yourself as her helper. Might work!
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Helpless-you hit the nail on the head. I didn't know looking after my mom in my home was going to be so hard. Also it's extremely difficult to watch your loved one slowly die. It consumes me completely. Lawyers, VA benefits, home health aides, none of these resources can alleviate the day to day pressures we face in our situations. You'll hire and fire many of them. It will exhaust you. You look to family, you look to the outside world, but no one rescues us. Here's some things I do that might benefit you too:
1. Sleep – 8 hours minimum per night, more on weekends
2. Diet – nourishing whole grains, limited lean meats, sneak veggies into your meals, fruits for snacks
3. Exercise – 60 minutes of walking daily
4. Healing Movement – yoga, or weight lifting 3 times per week
5. Boundaries – keep interactions as brief as possible with people, places and things that do not impact me in a positive manner

Economically it sounds like you may benefit from charging your mom for services, getting paid to provide her care. It is legal, and some of the other bloggers here might have more info on how to do that.
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Then you have to make a decision. Either you can stick it out, or move her to a facility where they can care for her. Not everyone is cut out to be a nurse. (As a retired professional nurse, even I have my burn-out times as it happens to everyone). Merry Christmas!
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Take care of yourself first. So many times, the caregiver's health is what suffers most.
Have you considered assisted living or, at least, an adult day program?
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I have a difficult time thinking of myself as my mother's helper. I, too, have been caregiver to my mother with severe dementia for 3 months. She does not know that I am her daughter and never remembers my name. Many times I have thought about throwing in the towel. I have a new agency that will come in 3 days a week and that will help me cope. My mother is a veteran and I have applied for and received Aid and Attendance benefits for her. That helps pay for all of her in-home care or care in a facility. If your mother was a veteran or the widow of a veteran please check into this. It can be a lifesaver for you.
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"If" you can get out of the house from time to time, that would probably be the only way to keep your sanity.

I am in the same situation. My mother has COPD. When she learned she had COPD, she refused to lift a finger with the exception of using the bathroom. Currently, I am unemployed with a vehicle that is in dire need of repairs but with the 24/7 home care she expects from me, those things will never be done and I'll be left with $0.00 when she passes away. I love my mother more than anything but this has driven me into serious depression. I feel more like a slave than a nurse.
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Your loved one should have a thorough geriatric assessment to evaluate her physical and mental status. A geriatrician, or a doctor or nurse practitioner with geriatric training, would be ideal, but such specialists can be challenging to find in some areas. Your mom primary care physician is another option; phone ahead for reassurance that she can do a thorough assessment. The most important element will be your loved one's degree of ability to conduct "activities of daily living"—sufficient upper-body strength to get out of a chair unassisted, adequate dexterity to bring fork to mouth, and enough range of motion to pull on pants or a sweater, for example. Balance will be checked to assess the risk of falls. Memory deficits, signs of depression or anxiety, and indications of dementia and Alzheimer's will be evaluated. Simply identifying all the issues can take a big weight off a worried family's shoulders.
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I had a caregiver come into the home from 10 to 3. This time of day was the easiest of the caregiving part so I had her do the wash and make the beds which gave me more free time when I was there. Some days I would just nap upstairs while she was there if it was a bad night. Not having to do wash, changing sheets and making beds was very helpful for me.
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In my opinion, there is no way to prevent burnout because of the emotional investment you are making as a caregiver. If it were just a job, it would be difficult enough. But add on the emotional connection, and it makes everything much more intense. That said, you can learn coping mechanisms that will help you get through this very tough time.

Why does she need 24-hour care? What I'm asking is does she need it or just guilt you into providing it?

First and most importantly, start the process of getting durable power of attorney. Otherwise you may find yourself unable to get anything done in the future. You have to be able to get stuff done for her even if she ends up living somewhere else.

Put a stop to the guilt. Do not stand there and listen to the guilt. As soon as she starts with the guilt, say "I cannot do that, mom" and walk away. Learn to say "this is what I can do, mom" because you set the terms. She moved into your home so set a schedule for her and stick to it. Set a schedule that includes time for yourself and honor it.

Assess what her real needs are (not her desires) and prioritize them. Fix the important things first - everything else can wait.

Avail yourself of all the help you can get. For example, if she needs help getting to the doctor's office is there a senior shuttle that will take her? Can she socialize at a senior center? Does she have friends or family nearby? There's a lot of great advice on this forum and I urge you to use the search bar at the top and read other threads under forum topics.
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I understand what you're going through, helpless 72, but I don't know if there's any sure fire way of avoiding burnout. I've been caring for my mom (who has dementia) and my dad (mobility problems) since 2010, and there have been times I've felt like just throwing in the towel; at other times I find myself wishing I had never left my home and quit my job to do this. But the love keeps me centered, and, although my mom frequently forgets who I am, I can still feel her love. What has saved me is finding hobbies I can enjoy at home and trying to get out as much as I can. The latter is very hard to do, but even just having lunch with a friend can help a lot.
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