Is there anything I can say to my siblings to make them understand that this is all I can contribute to help them through this difficult time?

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My mother has dementia and I live 300 miles away from her. I also have some health issues that won't allow me to help with her as much as I'd like to. My brother and sister need more help and ask me to come get her, and as of now I can only make it happen 2 times a year and have her 2 weeks at a time. I do what I can to help at this distance like taking care of her finances, checking account, paying her bills and dealing with Medicare and Medicaid and Veterans Assistance she receives from my deceased father's time in the service. I also take care of her home when something needs fixed and get someone out to her home.

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It sounds as though your sibs are up against some personal boundaries they've established and are feeling overwhelmed. Looking to you as the solution is not an option, as others have pointed out you should be commended for doing all that you do already. I can't blame any of you for wanting to preserve or re establish a life that doesn't involve never ending care for your mother. I think it is time for a family meeting, with each of you honestly expressing what you can/will do. If the three of you can not provide enough care for your mother the solution is not to bully each other into providing more, rather it is to seek out realistic community supports. And I have to confess, we helped my mom stay in her own home far longer than was good for her, she would have been much better off living where there was the possibility of friendship and activities rather than being isolated and stagnating alone at home.
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I also agree that it sounds like you are doing a ton! You are making very valuable contributions. My sister lives 2,000 miles away. She files my Mom's taxes, manages her investments and files her long-term care insurance claims. I'm very grateful because I couldn't handle those things. Please take care of yourself the best you can. A precious friend died on Tuesday at age 57 after 9+ years of taking care of her Dad. He's still alive at 90-something. Huge wake-up call for me.
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Are you sure that your siblings expectations are really that high or is this something you are just thinking on your own? If it's them, then perhaps their expectations are not realistic. It sounds like your contributions are extremely generous. I would consider what is reasonable. When you are doing what you can, I'd have peace with it. Plus, moving a person with dementia to different places, is probably not the best idea. It can upset or disorient them. I'd be looking into more help for mom in her area. As she progresses, this will be necessary anyway.
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What I wouldn't give to have four weeks a year knowing that Mom was being looked after by family while I was on vacation! I have a brother who cannot make any financial contribution because he doesn't make much money at his job and, frankly, doesn't make good money decisions with what he has. Which also means that I don't trust him to take care of Mom's banking, taxes, etc., etc. Can I adopt you as my sibling?
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I'm only child and sole caregiver, and wish I had a sibling like you who would handle the finances (I have to do it for mom, my daughter in college, and myself) and give me a break for two whole weeks! It does sound like it could be time to hire more help (with dementia, eventually they usually cannot be cared for at home). Sad, but that is the reality.
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Sounds like sIblings are getting burned out and mom is requiring more care. This happens with dementia. Not sure what Mom's finances are, but the family may need to consider her long term care.

Have you considered memory care or a live in caregiver. Unfortunately her dementia is only going to get worse. My mom lived with me for 2 years, I started to have health issues and wasn't healing due to all the stress in my life. Mom is now in memory care.

Does the family have a plan for the next steps. Sounds like its time.
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You take your Mom for four weeks a year, pay her bills and do repairs to her house? You are awesome! Would you be my sibling? My siblings have visited maybe twice in eight years, contribute nothing but criticism and call maybe once a year. You are doing a lot. Give yourself a hug from me!! Your siblings don't realize how great you are and that is really sad. Much love to you!!
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For what it's worth I think you are doing a ton. Those things that you are helping with can really add up when you are doing it on top of hands on care. I think you should really be praised for helping so much while living so far. I know for my grandmother all as fallen on my mother and me, my uncle says that he lives too far to do anything. Thank you for helping your family so much. If your siblings are still feeling like you aren't helping enough I would tell them that you could stop what you are doing now and instead try to take her for another 2 weeks, heh I bet they change their tune pretty quick if all that you are doing now was to fall back on their shoulders.
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Don't think another thing about it. You do what you can and that's it. Don't beat yourself over it.
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OMG! You're doing ALL the paperwork? That alone is a true blessing! Paperwork truly is a nightmare job! Remind your siblings of this and then go look in the mirror and remind yourself.

If you're paying the bills, that really is a lot of help. Personally, I was only able to be there for my Dad and handle his finances - and I understood that my sisters were still working and unable to do much.

Your siblings cannot make you feel guilty - you're allowing them to do it. Make a list of what you do and you should start to feel better. Not everyone is capable of the time constraints of care-giving.
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