Follow
Share

Here's mine: The back-handed compliment with a side of guilt trip! It goes like this:


(1) Opening line is a compliment about how kind and generous I am.


(2) Followed by a very concerned warning that people take advantage of my good nature and I agree to take on too much.

(3) Followed by kindly suggesting that I either "stop letting your job take so much of your time" or "just resign and let someone else do it" (volunteer work).


In other words: The fact that you have a life outside of ME is super inconvenient so just cut that s--t out right now!"


Not a real problem compared to many, but pretty annoying, especially when you get it from the distant, unhelpful relative AND the LO on two consecutive days! :-)

Wow - just saw that only part of my post appeared.  Here's the rest:

(3) Followed by kindly suggesting that I either "stop letting your job take so much of your time" or "just resign and let someone else do it" (volunteer work). 

In other words:  The fact that you have a life outside of ME is super inconvenient so just cut that s--t out right now!" 

Not a real problem compared to many, but pretty annoying, especially when you get it from the distant, unhelpful relative AND the LO on two consecutive days!  :-)
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to KiriG65
Report

It’s admittedly petty and has nothing to do with caregiving. At grocery store today there was no milk stocked but I could see cases of milk back in the refrigerated area behind the glass doors where you get the milk out. I stopped an employee and asked about getting some milk and she said they were waiting for a delivery to come in. I pointed to the cases and she said she couldn’t get that out and walked away. So first she lied and then she was lazy. And I got no milk
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report
JoAnn29 Sep 10, 2018
I would have talked to a manager. There was no reason she couldn't have gotten it for you.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
Mine is Minor, but it still irked me! This morning:

Husband: You're getting a little gray Hon.

Me: Gee, Thanks Babe!

Gheesh, where has he been these last 3 years, and he's only now just noticing? Hmmm, Maybe he hasn't noticed these last 20#'s either! 😉
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to staceyb
Report
Daughterof1930 Sep 10, 2018
It’ll be easier for you to get rid of those gray hairs than for him to lose those twenty pounds! Sweet justice!
(1)
Report
My dad leaving so many dirty kleenexes in every orifice of the house, tucked into side of easy chair, all over floor AROUND trash can, in every pocket of pants or shirt which don't show up up until I clean the lint screen in dryer, so I limit the kleenex boxes available....and find him (he who can't put a waffle in the toaster) carefully cutting stacks of paper towel into thousands of tiny squares to use as kleenex. Like confetti except there is no party.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Rose118
Report
KiriG65 Sep 10, 2018
Oh yes, the Kleenex-in-the-dryer - or on the floor - or captured by the dog because it was on the floor.  Yuk.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
While I cared for Mom, I had to put my disabled nephew on the back burner. Since her passing, I have had to find him "people". Him being 28 and me 68 I know there will come a time I won't be able to help him and he needs someone to help him thru the eventual Dementia he will have. I maybe dead and gone by them. I was able to get him in a state program that promises to do this for me. He was able to get a voucher for an apt and get him out of Moms tumbling down 125 yr old house.

The voucher ended up being more than I thought. So I emailed his coordinator the letter and the reason why I think the voucher was calculated wrong. He came back and said, yea he thought that was high too. Period. So I called him and he told me to call the voucher lady. ME! Isn't he my nephews coordinator? As such, isn't that his responsibility. I want to step back from some of this responsibility. If I wasn't around, wouldn't he have to take care of it for Patrick? His answer was, yes, I guess so. So he is suppose to call the voucher lady.

See, my nephew was living with my brother. At 18 he wanted to move in with Mom. In hindsight I now see where Mom was in early stages of Dementia. Really TG he was there. Kept her home longer. But he needed a Special Needs Trust, then SSD, then paperwork to get help from the state, DDD. Me filling out all the forms, getting all the Dr. info together, mailing or emailing everything. I am TIRED. I don't want to think anymore.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
Ahmijoy Sep 10, 2018
I hear you. I’ve been there with Hubby and Mom. Yiu can’t trust anyone but yourself to get something done.
(0)
Report
See 1 more reply
In answering another question here, I was reminded of the crappy way my husband has been treated by his family since he really went down 5 years ago. Hubby’s health has never been the best and he’s been doctored and hospitalized quite a few times. But I never asked “them” for help. When I told his oldest brother that Hubby was in the hospital, brother growled and asked “For what NOW!” That was five years ago today, actually.

Flash forward to 2018. My son, who has remained close with his cousin even though the rest of the family is estranged from us, tells me this weekend that my sisters-in-law, who apparently are BFFs, were out and about a month or so ago and were going to “pop in” to visit their dear, dear brother/brother-in-law. The person they have completely ignored for 5 years. My house is a pit. My dog is anti-social. I can’t afford to offer them even lunch. Nor would I want to. I told my son the next time they feel charitable to take it someplace else. I don’t want any of them here.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Ahmijoy
Report

I haven't gotten that one yet, but, mine is the way many people just don't have time to talk or listen about anything really. Even when it's NOT about seniors, caregiving, illness, etc. These people are soooo busy...my goodness. They are so busy they can't talk to you for 3 minutes, without looking at their phone to see who else is trying to contact them. I feel that we are so busy living our lives that we aren't really living it. In 5 years we look back and realize that we have lost touch with the people who really loved us.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to Sunnygirl1
Report