Anyone tried dating while being a caregiver?
I swore never to bring someone into my life. Now I found him and Mom is too much. He has been very supportive.. and great with talking to my mother as I have nothing to talk to her about anymore..in fact the sound of her voice is like nails on a board to me. he came in knowing my hands were full and didn't seem to care. but its my attitude and negative thoughts that my life is just one burden after another and I dont see positive things happening in the future,,im so worried about being broke,whats going to happen to me (mom and I live in her house ) am I ever going to get a decent job after this,, etc,, I
I m afraid I may be just pushing him away when I say that he'd be better off with someone who is free and doesn't have such a heavy burden.. it makesme almost hate my mother for holding me back from being happy
If you've had the good fortune to meet someone who is happy to go with the flow, why not let him and see what happens? Better than sending him packing because you can't yet lead the life you'd like to with him. If he finds all the restraints too much in the end, then so be it; but don't decide that for him in advance. That would be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy.
I know I cant ask him not to see her.. but it hurt... and I feel even more alone and even trying to see where our relationship could go seems hopeless"
I agree it is more about him than her, but she is not behaving well either. and yes, you can set the limit of exclusivity on your relationship with him, if you need that. That is looking after yourself.
I took that as he was saying he would not see her any more of it meant you set that limit. I don't see that as you asking him, but him offering.
If you are being intimate with him, should you not have established right off that the relationship was exclusive, if only for health's sake? He has privileges at your house by remodelling and using your garage. Now he is having second thoughts about his relationship with you. Who is getting what they want out of this?
You obviously are not comfortable with him dating other females. I think most women would not be, considering your involvement with him. I would be honest about that with him and let him know what is and is not acceptable to you and what the consequences are. Otherwise, I think you are in for more hurt. It is not that you are telling him what he can or cannot do, but you are telling him what you can or cannot do. He has it pretty good if he has you and your home open to him and also freedom to do what he wants with other women. I wouldn't tolerate it. Let him set his tools up in her garage.
A young woman went after G asking him to help her around her house - even though she had a live in boyfriend her child called "Daddy". G , who is very naïve about such things, did not think there was anything else to it, till something happened that showed her intent. She even called me to clarify the nature of the relationship G and I had because an idiot mutual friend had told her I was only his landlady. She was very upset when she found out differently. I asked G abut the details and was totally convinced that he had no other motives that doing some repairs/renos to earn a few bucks and help out, which he does some times, However, I set the limit that she was to be out of his life period - no more repairs there - if he wanted to stay in my life. We had already established that we wanted to be permanent and exclusive. I think it is so important to set the terms at the beginning, but it is never too late to do that.
My heart goes out to you. You are very vulnerable in this situation. Please look after yourself. If he wants to play around with more than one women, better to find out now.
Now I'm not saying your friends is like this jerk...but men (and women) can be really deceptive , especially when they know someone is already in a vulnerable situation...at the time one of my vulnerabilities was that my Daddy was very sick and I was having to spend a lot of time living out of a suitcase running the two hour trip back and forth to my hometown (now my current one) and while he played the role of the dutiful suitor, incluing sweet calls to me to check on my Daddy that man was out dancing, dining, and honky tonkying allover creation and back...I guess I share this as much now because for sure, I have no reason to compare your friend which this bozo jackass womanizing goomer, but he could have won an Oscar for his oh so elegant demeanor...all the while he was bouncing all over creation and who knows what else....
Be careful, some guys like a good cat fight especially when he's the center of attention. If the first cat fight goes away, be aware that there will be another. I know I've been through that type of situation, and never again will I do it a second time. I now have too much self-worth, and no man is worth it if he acts that way.
In my opinion, had this man cared as he represented himself to, he would not have been so ready to accept the dinner date...the friend certainly is NO friend, and I would not think twice about kicking his butt to the curb.
Caregiving is hard enough. It saps our emotions, wears us down, sometimes makes us feel like we need to try and hang on to something, anything, because we don't know what the future holds..but really, even when we're not caregivers, would you really accept this kind of behavior off a man...you shouldn't. period. This man is not a child. He knows your situation and should understand why you can't be at the ready, and if we were a real gentleman he would never have accepted the dinner date..he sounds like trouble make that TROUBLE........None of us are promised tomorrow....I have the same concerns about life on down the road, but they would be there regardless of my Mama...and to be honest there is not a man on this planet who is worthy of my blaming my Mama for my unhappiness....he's not worth it...if he was, you wouldn't be feeling this way because he wouldn't be making you feel this way.
I don't mean to be rude or hateful, I have been through this BS too many times with men who could play the role of the perfect gentleman long enough to "snag my heart" and once he saw he had me, let the games begin.....
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