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I am posting this in burnout as this is as stressful as it was when she lived with me. So I moved my mother to an ALF about a year and a half ago. Her funds are not lasting as long as I planned out. To keep her there I'd have to chip in $1k a month, which is a lot. In addition, it is getting tougher and tougher for her to walk to the dining room which they require and she is not capable of managing a wheelchair.


She does not qualify for Medicaid, she's just above the limits in our state.


Did anyone take their parent back in? I just do not think I can do that, again.


I was going to consult a lawyer as I read it may be possible to put her SS and/or pension into a trust to be used towards her care but it would also put her at the income level to qualify for Medicaid and then I could move her to a nursing home.


Any advice, recommendations would be appreciated.

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I'd get all the information and advice from the professionals. I learned that sometimes, I was told things were a certain way and then later, I discovered that things were a little different, because, my LO's situation was different. And, laws and resources vary by state. In my state, there were state funds to help those who qualified by need (doctor's form) and financially for AL and MC. I also found that people who are disabled or who have dementia may qualify for benefits that others don't. And, that if someone needs a special care unit, like dementia, they may have a higher income threshold than for a regular AL So, there are many things that could come into play. So, I'd get a professional to actually make sure of the situation, before giving up on her qualifying.
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Reply to Sunnygirl1
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Do Memory cares except Medicaid? If not, they will probably cost more.

From what you post Mom really needs 24/7 care. I think a lawyer versed in Medicaid would be a good idea. Some states have a Miller trust where the overage can be put there every month. I think it reverts to Medicaid upon death.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Yes. We have applied for a Medicaid Waiver and my husband will have to put the “excess” of his income into a Qualified Income Trust, aka a Miller Trust. It’s funny to me that we don’t have enough money to pay our bills but are “too rich” to qualify for Medicaid. People recommend on this site to see an Elder Law Attorney and I think it would be quicker and easier to do just that.

You have have options other than bringing Mom back to your home, especially if it didn’t work out before. Make sure this time, when you choose a facility, you ask her doctor what they feel Mom’s prognosis is. Does she have dementia and might require Memory Care? Then, the facility you chose should also have a Memory Care Unit attached.

Butnfirst, do as you planned and see an attorney who specializes in Medicaid.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Hi there, so very sorry you are dealing with this.
while I do not have this exact experience, I would strongly suggest you do as you said and seek the advice of an elder care attorney and see what all your options are.
not judging your situation or relationship with your mom, but I would make bringing her back to your house the absolute LAST resort, I do know how it is to be in the situation where you don’t have enough to make it, but just enough not to qualify for help...
sorry I don’t have more helpful info but I think you are on he right path to find out, keep us posted
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Reply to sidelined
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Hi there - wow the fear of many!  We too find ourselves in "too much" for help, but not "enough" to do without...  a true catch 22, and one I am sure many find themselves in...

I think seeking qualified legal /elder advice is your first best option.  And while I don't know your particular circumstances, I can say that my first and firm recommendation is NOT to resume dual living arrangements.  Probably was not the best the 1st time around, and I can guarantee it will only be worse now.  The burdens are just too great.
I do wish you the best in searching for a viable solution.
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Reply to sidelined
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I understand. To tell the truth, my mother probably would have qualified for AL when I was first looking at facilities, but there were none close by. The only one was more like a resort than a facility with a price to match. Mom was always a paranoid recluse and that would have been a big waste of money to put her there.

This Medicaid Waiver thing is very confusing and I wish I’d enlisted the help of an attorney.

Good luck. I hope it all works out for you and Mom.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Marcia7321 Sep 20, 2018
If you think an attorney is too pricey, you might check into hiring an Aging Life Specialist for a few hours. They won't give financial advice but they can have lots of advice about the process. I honestly don't think we could have completed the application without our Social Worker. And she charged WAY less than the lawyer was going to charge to help us file the application, once the finances were set up.
The woman we hired charges by the hour- no minimum or contract. I found her name on this website. https://www.aginglifecare.org/
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Yes, consult an eldercare lawyer. There may be options. There is something called “pooled income trust” that might help. But there are downsides.
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Reply to Spinster
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Ahmijoy, thank you. That is what I had read about, the Miller Trust. The attorney that drew up the POA handles elder law also, so my plan was to meet with them.

I did have her assessed before she was placed in the assisted living facility, that is mandatory. So it is not that she wasn't placed properly, she has just deteriorated, and at the time it was determined she didn't need to be in a NH. In addition, we live in a pay down state for medicaid. Basically she has to exhaust her savings before we could do the trust.

Thanks again.
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Reply to Logan179
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The other thing you may want to think about is putting your mom in a long term care facility -- Skilled Nursing Facility -- they operate differently than Assisted Living and Medicaid works a little differently. Just a thought.
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Reply to ArtMom58
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I think many people here can relate to what you're experiencing. Financial management is difficult and everything is so expensive. Too often, we try to figure it all out on our own, with little or no knowledge and only using the balance in our parent's account as our guide. Consulting with an elder care attorney would be a good first step. He/She can go through all the options so that you can make the best practical decision for both you and your mom.
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Reply to IAMKHM
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