My Mom (who is 74) is my Dad’s primary full time caregiver (Dad is now 81 with very limited mobility). As my Mom is now getting older herself, the situation is becoming more challenging. Both prefer to remain in their own home at the moment and we do not have the means to hire 24 hour assistance. We have however tried to hire part time caregivers to help take some of the load off of my Mom. According to the service providers, this falls under Respite Care. But none of these Respite Care Caregivers will do anything? They bring homework, work from other jobs, books or stare at their phones 90-95% of the time. We have given clear instructions, leave lists have spoken to the companies they are hired through. And every time, it is the same thing.
We’ve made it clear to the Caregiving service that my Mom (the Caregiver herself) is at a point where she needs more hands on assistance. And we do not simply need someone to watch or just give companionship to my Dad. My Mom gives each caregiver a rundown about my Dad’s morning routine (feeding, cleaning, etc) and then gives them a few other things that are falling behind that she needs help with (maybe putting some dishes away, or a little laundry from my Dad’s bedding) - and every time she walks back in the room and the caregiver will have set themselves up at the dining room table doing homework or will be reading a book and not attending to anything she’s asked. Is this a thing??
We’ve tried 4-5 services and are very honest and clear about the level of care required along with our needs and past experiences. We are repeatedly reassured by each new company that, “their caregivers would never do that and if they did, we should let them know immediately.”
Sigh, 3 caregivers in at the new service and 2 out of 3 all but refuse to do anything. One last week was even hostile and yelled at my poor Mom. For the record, my Mom is really easy going. But by now, even she is completely frustrated with this whole situation. After last weeks caregiver was so rude to my Mom, we called and spoke to our representative from the company. She was extremely apologetic and reassured us nothing my Mom had asked was out of the norm. She even stated that each caregiver is texted a list of duties to be expected at each job, and that she had compiled the “to do list” that is then texted to each caregiver prior to arriving at my parents house.
Is the term Respite Care giving these Caregivers the idea they just need to physically “be there” to give my Mom a break, rather than actually taking her place for those hours? Do most Caregivers bring their own personal work to do while caring for clients? Is this a known thing? This is not giving my poor Mom any reprieve…it is now adding more to her stress level!
I’m at a loss and feeling hopeless! Anyone else going through this?
Any insight from professional Caregivers is definitely welcome as well! Thanks
I am also dealing with someone like this and this is getting worse and worse. Judy brags about herself. All the time. About 40 years old. She says that she is really good and that is why people are telling her they want her back; that patients and/or families call the office requesting her and doing this Judy says, "all the time". I cannot get her to tell me anything about the patient. We have a log... she writes no notes and not even any for the agency we work for. I asked her last Wednesday when was the last time our patient took a blood pressure pill --- her reply was, "yesterday". I then said, "I need to know what time yesterday because she can get one pill every 12 hours. If she took the pill last night at 10, she would not be able to get one until 10 this morning and right now it is 8 am.". She was snippy with me. Still did NOT give me an accurate time and why? Most likely did not know.. had not documented it... had no intention of passing this info on to me when I showed up to relieve her... and again... she never told me anything of what is going on with the patient! And YES! She is supposed to.. this is part of her job! All she says is this, "Had a great day!" I don't know what this means. Who had a great day? Does this mean the patient's cognitive abilities were better today? Less confusion? Was her blood pressure staying down so you did not take a blood pressure pill? She was not incontinent on your shift? Did she lose some weight? Did she do her exercises which she normally refuses? Was her breathing better? What does "had a great day" mean here?
These aides are not to do their own "stuff" during the hours they are there unless they have done everything they are being paid to do AND they have been given permission to.
The CHARMERS, I call them. Dealing with one right now, mentioned in previous comment. They think they are great... at least they tell everyone they are. And it works! They may use religion... say that they want to pray with the patient, want to do BIBLE studies with the patient and they may do that but.... their care is horrible to non-existent. Had one caregiver... she never wore scrubs like the rest of us - 3 caregivers at all times. This was NO agency. This gal was early 40's, always had every hair in place, nice clothing with her jewelry and makeup. She talked a good talk. She "reeled them in". Did a ton of smiling... always smiling and talking about GOD... and when she went on vacation, she went to see what? the ark. When she came back, she talked about the ark and how blessed she was. Patient was getting 2 different types of insulin. The second one---if sugar was over 150, she was to get insulin. I came on at 6 pm as usual. The thing was, the girl did write some things down! Noticed that blood sugar was 121. NO insulin needed. Blood pressure was 152/86. This woman had given patient that insulin she was not to give. I had asked her about it. She looked at what she had written to confirm what I was telling her? She said she must have looked at the top number on the blood pressure reading... the 152 and thought it was the blood sugar reading! I asked her if she was going to call the daughter? (giving insulin when not needed?) Nope.. she did not either. I called the daughter. This aide also told me later that one of the aides was not changing the patient's depends..leaving him laying in urine and feces. I knew this to be a lie. The aide she reported was fired and this was the aide who had gotten this woman this job in the first place. This aide, the charming one, had been with these patients, husband and wife, a little less than 3 years. I had been there for a few months. She also got another aide fired. Don't know what happened there. I knew I was next. I would come in at 5:55 pm...start of my shift, and check the hubby. He was bedbound... and needing suctioning. I tested this aide. He was constantly needing to be suctioned, his throat all the time for the last 2 weeks +. I asked the girl to turn on the machine. SHE DID NOT KNOW HOW!. So.. she had not suctioned him at all. She worked 8 hour shifts during the day. Then I tested her again. I would find his bed soaked and dried feces every time a came so, I came 5:45 pm. 15 minutes early. Still her shift so I could expect her to help me. She would not... would not even touch this man. Would not get depends. would not get water... she would not help turn him. She did nothing but stand there and watch me clean this man up. I went to the daughter.
OK... did no good. I hated to do this but.... I told her I could no longer work under these circumstances. I told her some of this but she seemed to not believe anything I was saying. I reminded her about the bed sores her dad now has. How did he get those if he is being kept clean and being turned at least every 2 hours? I let this daughter know that every time I came on shift, her dad was ALWAYS on his back. Daughter stated that maybe dad had just finished eating ? (yeah,...right) I tried to explain about me coming on and finding her dad laying in urine and much of the time, feces. I mentioned the suctioning. Got NOWHERE! This aide had charmed this daughter to the point that she was unable to see what was right in front of her. I have had other aides try to charm ME. One wanted to live with me and when I told her no... she put me through hell after that. Got me fired from that job. There are aides that will do whatever the patient wants even though it is against the law or company policy. Patients and family love these types of aides. They lie and a lot.
I would not request respite care. I would request an aide.
Sometimes companies use miscommunication to their advantage and this sounds like one of those times.
This is not respite in the actual sense of the term.
Mom needs an aide to take care of dad from...to....on....doing the following:
Be as specific as possible and put it all in writing with the agency and caregiver.
If the caregiver shows up and is not willing to do what is required, send them home and call the agency and tell them that you will not be paying for their aide because they refused to do what they were hired to do.
.
Agencies talk a good game. The rep. you meet with is there to sell you, promise the world. But, it's a sellers market. You obviously need what they provide. In the end, you more/less have to take what they give you.
.
Hiring through an agency merely provides the security that they are insured, the caregivers are certified and-hopefully-the shift will always be covered.
NOTE: before you sign- ask for proof of insurance and caregiver certification!
.
My only suggestion is to consider hiring an "independent contractor" though a site. Some take out ads in certain publications and Craig's List.
.
Provide a profile explaining your needs. Be specific! Including preferences such as "pet friendly", non-smoker.
Reach out to potential hires. Be sure to interview in person. What exactly is their experience? Do they have references?
Do they have reliable transportation? Chit-chat a while; do they seem like a good fit?
Agree the first 5 shifts will be a trial period. No harm/no foul if it doesn't work out on either side.
.
Where I live, the average expected wage is $20/hr. Payment is expected at the end of the week. Caregivers prefer cash- I paid through Venmo (bank-to-bank transfer).
.
Keep in mind, there will be down time. If they finished their chores and dad is sleeping, very few will ask for more to do. If this person is generally a hard worker-It's not a big deal from time to time. Otherwise, unless you have a ready list of busy-work, they'll be on their phones.
.
Good luck and God Bless
I think you need to hire some hourly employees (yes, contract or actual employees where you will take taxes out of the pay check or send them a 1099 at end of the year). I'm thinking more of a housekeeper who will do chores and assist with dad as needed (which appears not to involve a lot of time if current people have enough time to do homework). You will actually pay a private housekeeper less than through an agency because agency gets their cut plus the employee pay.
In the interview process, have a list of things mom needs help with and include X hrs a day to help dad with X and X tasks. If this person is hired for 8 hrs a day, then they should be working 8 hrs...not sitting. Go over the chore list and ask if that is a problem. Have prospective employee sign the chore list after reviewing to indicate it was reviewed with them and they agreed to the list. Ask around the neighborhood - very possible there is someone quite close by to come in a few hours several times a week to help mom out.
If any caregiver does not comply with stated care:
1 - Show them the list of tasks and the expected time they should be completed.
2 - Remind them that this is what they are hired to do.
3 - Remind them that if they do not do the stated work, you will call their agency.
4 - Call their agency if they do not do the work.
We are very thankful for my MIL's 2 caregivers. They take care of all her needs while she lives in her condo in HI, her home state. We (live in FL) would care for her, but she refuses to leave and my BIL (lives in CA) is in charge of her care.
The second lady that I hired I explained I would stay with her the first day & show her what needed to be done. I also highlighted which of the tasks on my 'to do 'list needed to be completed that day. And had her initial when it was done. Also, I had her set the alarm on the stove so she would prepare the meals for my Grandpa on time. She was fine with it. Told me she appreciated knowing what was expected of her.
Its been 3 months now, I have her go to Grandpas 3 days most weeks and she's sticking to the routine. She takes a pic of the completed task list with her initials & texts it to me before she leaves.
When I was in the deep south, an old lady told me "the way you start is the way you end". Ive found that little piece of wisdom very valuable SUMMARY You might consider: Setting a clear written and spoken structure/expectation from the beginning
Request a Housekeeper, not a caretaker. ( ads of housekeepers list if they offer caring for elderly also)
With a few exceptions each aide sent to the house did a good job. One was sent packing by dad because he didn’t like her, one was dismissed by me because she was too small and old to physically handle dad. The only thing they wouldn’t do was scrub the kitchen floor on their knees which really bugged mom!
Have you ever done in-home elder care or companionship work? I can tell you from almost 25 years in this field that 90% of the time it's like watching paint dry.
We are not circus performers who can keep the entertainment lively and engaging hour after hour on an assignment. A cellphone or a book is likely to come out at some point. I've found that many clients don't want to have to engage with their caregiver hour after hour.
The good caregiver who knows their clients also knows when to get lost for a bit while still being in the house making sure the client is safe.
I wouldn't complain too much about seeing a cellphone or a book come out on the job. Not if you've got a caregiver who gets along with their elderly client and works well with them. One who gets the all the work done. One that's trustworthy and isn't ripping off your elderly loved one with dementia.
If you expect hour after hour of undivided attention and entertainment for your elderly loved one, a caregiver/companion won't meet your needs.
Maybe hit up the Cirque de Soleil and see if any of their acts do private in-home performances when they're not on tour.
On my last long-term care assignment, the couple had Visiting Angels before they hired me privately. Visiting Angels is the reason why they hired private care.
Not only did their "angels" rob these poor people blind, they also really neglected the client they were supposed to be caring for.
She used a walker and one of the angels was taking her for a walk outside. The dementia client with mobility issues was on her walker 20 feet in front of the angel, while the angel walked along looking at her phone screen. The client was seriously injured because she fell. Then Visiting Angels were fired.
The first priority is the client, greeting them, feeding them, doing some laundry, cleaning up after making them their meal. If the floor needs swept that is part of the job, some vacuuming if needed, wipe down counters, wash, and put away dishes. Play cards, puzzles, take groc shopping, or for short ride to just get out. Mostly to be a companion to the person being hired for. If working a night shift some allow you to sleep and check up on client, or not, in that case might be acceptible to bring a book if accepted to stay awake while client is sleeping. Taking short walks, in neighborhood or backyard is something to do with person. making sure they have a snack and meal from when you leave, and date food. Sometimes clean out the fridge of old leftovers. Caregivers should not be bringing over homework, other clients work, be on the phone for long period of time, in fact only if absolutely necessary. I can't believe you are having trouble with so many of the Caregivers. The women i work with are loyal, dedicated, and willing to go the extra mile, they really spend time trying to improve the clients day. Maybe tell your mom to make it clear what she needs done, to leave for a break or errands. Sorry you are having a bad time. Please don't let this go on much longer. Bonnie
It depends on what the care assignment is. If a person is on a case that's say four hours and there's really only two hours worth of work and entertainment, what's the worker supposed to do?
Everyone hiring in-home help should make a list of exactly what they want then discuss it with the worker to see if it's within their job description. Also include whatever places they may take the client to, if the client can still be taken out.
This is so very rarely something a caregiver/companion ever gets when they take an assignment. The care agencies they work for normally don't bother with this either.
Back before I went into business for myself, I worked for care agencies. They'd assign me a client and I'd go to their home. I can't tell you how many clients and their families expected full housekeeping (for everyone living in the house) including heavy chore duty, along with hands-on care for their senior while keeping them entertained at the same time. This happens all the time because families are not properly informed on what to expect from a caregiver and caregivers are not informed on what their actual duties are.
In private care the pay is good. Clients will get a lot more of 'going the extra mile' for them because the extra mile is paid for.
Care agencies don't pay well. If the help is paid minimum clients and families should not be surprised if they get minimum effort from a worker.
Some people don't have warm personalities and they're not overly friendly. That doesn't mean they don't care and won't do right by a person.
I'm not a warm and friendly type myself. I've always gotten along with most of the senior clients I work for. Once I've been with them for a while, the clients and their families know they can trust and depend on me. They don't have to worry when their elderly loved one is in my care.
Peace of mind is worth more than some aide saying hello to a person when she walks by.
RUN THE VACUUM THE CARPET IN ALL THE ROOMS THAT ARE BEING USED, MAYBE WET MOP THE KITCHEN AND BATHROOM FLOORS, CLEAN THE BATHROOM SINK AND SWISH THE TOILET BOWL WITH THE BRUSH, WASH ANY DIRTY DISHES LEFT FROM THE PREVIOUS MEAL, CHECK ON THE PATIENT EVERY HOUR, OFFER THEM SOMETHING TO DRINK, OR MAYBE FIX THEM A SNACK, ASSIST THEM WITH THEIR FOOD, ASSIST THEM, IF NEEDED, TO THE BATHROOM, WASH THEIR BACK BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE ARE NOT ABLE TO DO THAT.
IF THE RESPITE CARE PEOPLE ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING BUT SITTING, THEY NEED TO BE WARNED PERSONALLY THAT THEY WILL BE FIRED FOR NOT COMPLYING.
YOU NEED TO COMPLAIN TO THE INSURANCE PROVIDER, IF HER MEDICAID OR MEDICARE IS HELPING TO PAY FOR THIS SERVICE. IF YOU ARE A PRIVATE PAY FOR THE CAREGIVER SERVICE, THEN CHECK ON CHRISTIAN CAREGIVER SERVICES.
You might even order lunch or Dinner a few times a week.
Start buying microwaveable meals, easy to fix and not much clean up.
Order groceries delivered.
Mare sure when you have a Caregiver there, at least once a week treat yourself, take a nice soak in the tub, go out to eat with a friend, get a massage, get a manicure or pedi
Good luck.
Does your mom need help with care activities for your dad? Showering, toileting, etc? If not, what about hiring a housekeeper that does laundry and cleans the house? Maybe shorten the shift for caregiver needs?
I'm doing a 4 hour caregiver shift (which is not an agency) this summer. My duties are specified; meals, laundry, bed-making, showering assistance, housekeeping, etc. I teach so I'm off during the summer which is why I'm caregiving right now.
Not sure if this helps, but your frustrations are felt by many. You're not alone. My sister keeps insisting that the caregivers do their job. The agency finally sent one of their best, which was wonderful. My dad was happier when the food improved.
Unbelievable!! As a professional caregiver myself, what you have experienced, is appalling!!
Your lists, are standard ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living).
Do you have a company called “Home Care Assistance” in your area. That’s who I work for. Try them?
If they lived in your area, I would be over, in a heartbeat!!
I have no answers, other than keep trying other companies & fire the “caregivers” that don’t do anything.
Best of luck.
Have you tried putting your parents into respite care at a local Assisted Living/Senior facility. I know many of them offer a week or sometimes more care. It not only gives them a chance to see what these facilities are like, but actually gives you and your mother a complete break from caring for them. You can arrange for them both to have care together. They will also be included in the activities and meals with other residents. That would provide a form of interaction that they don't have in their own home, but Might prove helpful.
If that is not a possibility - Keep looking, There are services that do provide what you need for help. Perhaps what you really need is to hire a good housekeeping service to take care of the chores that are becoming too much for Mom.
Good luck and God Bless.
If you want more hands-on physical or medical care, you might need a CNA or even a nurse. You will pay quite a bit more.for these services.
sounds like your mom needs a caregiver, not respite care. they do background checks and you can even do payroll through them. You will need to invest some time interviewing the candidate and contacting their referrals.
Its important to share what your expectations are right up front.
also, if you have a college near by that has a nursing program you maybe able to hire a student to help, check with the college to see if they have a program like that.
best of luck and prayers for you and your family as you struggle to find the right fit.
btw, where do your parents live?
I know what it's like hiring someone to come take care of your loved one. I've hired private and through agencies.
Good experience all around thank God.
I shared with the CG that there is a surveillance camera in the house and left a checklist to complete. I was successful with this method.
I now own a on call companion and funeral design service to meet the needs of Loneliness and home going preparation.
The last stages of life should be full of Fun not stressing out all the time. However we can make if happen within the scope of what's in front of us.
We review the contract and if that's not the services needed life moves on.😇
Pray about everything and rejoice in all things.
Youll find that person that fits your needs.
Life really is short.
Love in Christ..👑
I have been for over 10 years and have helped with 7 families.
Ditch the agencies and interview people on your own
Gold luck
You, as the hiring party, may be required to pay taxes.
This is absolutely NO excuse for hiring through an agency that provides inadequate caregivers.
A certified nurse's assistant (CNA) does hands-on care.
There is a difference, and hiring a CNA costs a lot more because they do a lot more.
If you hire someone off the street, realize the liability if they claim to get injured in your home they can sue your estate. If they earn a certain amount you become their legal employer and you are responsible for their taxes "Nanny Tax".
Read more about the Nanny Tax here: https://www.investopedia.com/terms/n/nanny-tax.asp
Be aware some companies like "Granny Nannies" do not insure their workers, and they also do not take out their worker's taxes. That is why they cost a lot less.
Whatever agency used, MAKE CERTAIN and see it in WRITING the workers are covered by Workman's Compensation.
Here is an example where Granny Nannies was sued as one of their caregivers allegedly bilked $140,000 from a 92 year old.
https://www.businesstrialgroup.com/news/btg-sues-granny-nannies/
Around the clock care is VERY expensive. That is why Medicaid only pays for nursing homes; they average about $85,000 to $95,000 a year per patient for all their services, and that is a LOT cheaper than home care.