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OK, I am not going to say to Dad, I TOLD YOU SO. But I will tell you. THis is me the one recuperating from the aortic dissection, so I didn't need more adventures with daddy dearest....AGES ago I had told him to stay away from this mall. My concern was most focused on what he looks like and how ripe he would be for picking and a victim of crime...his elder age, short stature, ability to be focused on things, not so much his surroundings, belief in the goodness of all people so no one would dare to victimize/rob him. He has a closer mall to walk at and does regularly when the weather is too cold or unpleasant....So today he obviously went where I said not to, and got into a little fender bender...he has significant damage to the front passenger side of his Buick Encore. I don't know what he hit or even if he was hit and someone took off, but somehow the police made an appearance. I'm assuming they were within their rights to take his license away from him, though they could not issue a citation being on private property. We're in OH. Just wondering if anyone had experience, knew anything. We don't need to repeat the obvious concerns. Yes he is older, yes he is hearing impaired. But I despise ageism, and that cannot be the only factor playing into this....I realize the safety of all is a concern as it should be, but also have concerns for his independence and potential depression which could be the end of him...that's how much he values it.

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Where do you get ageism from this event?

A car in the hands of an incapable driver is a weapon, and significant damage to his car isn't a little fender bender. Whatever he hit could easily have been a person, and a mall parking lot has a lot more people walking in it than the average road. That accident was a disaster in the making.

I think you need to stop with the denial and simply make alternative plans for your dad's transportation. The driving ceases TODAY, and you find senior transportation, Uber, Lyft, or taxis for him to use. There are plenty of people who are happy to be companions/drivers for older folks, too. I have a 75-year-old cousin who drives a 95-year-old lady around because he likes helping "old people."

Life contains many changes along the way. This is one of them. Help your dad find alternatives, and he can keep his independence.
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JoAnn29 Jan 9, 2021
Like that 75 driving a 95.
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Your father is 101 and had a fender bender. I think you should feel relieved the police officer took his license away and that he and others weren't hurt! Advise him to call a cab or an Uber to drive him to the mall next time, that's my suggestion

My father was 87 when he had 2 fender benders at a strip mall in Fl. He called me to tell me he was voluntarily giving up his license because he felt it was no longer safe for him to be behind the wheel of a car. I admired him for making such a wise decision and immediately arranged for him and my mother to move to an independent living senior apartment in my state. There was a mini bus for them to use for local transportation.
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gdaughter Jan 9, 2021
Well, what a difference a day makes. I have in the interim connected with the officer . You though show great ignorance of a person being deaf and the increased struggle of a simple task like calling for a cab or having the tech skills to use an uber...or COVID risks using uber.

Good for you and your father every circumstance is different. Turns out I was accurate in that NO ONE can be cited due to the mall parking lot being private property, and it seems it may not be legal to snatch anyone's license as happened either. To that end, the officer involved and I have communicated in the past day. The license was returned in person to Dad today with the officer not saying a word to him. This was NOT a good thing. I found Dad excited as he thinks it was no doubt very special to have the license returned in person, and he thinks he's good to go. I used the F word for the first time in my life with him (thanks to Siri translating on the i phone) and he ignored every word I said. Which has led me to the same conclusion as others here, since he doesn't recognize the seriousness of what he has done he is a risk to himself or others. He thinks everyone is making a federal case of nothing. There will be no stopping him...except...as I write this....I can TRY to find his keys and hide them and then, god forgive me, we will make mom with dementia the scapegoat....He thinks got license/can drive. Told him he drove into another car and PUSHED IT. Doesn't recognize this as the truth although that's the officer story and he says there were witnesses. He is able to drive. TOLD HIM NO! HE is not. That he has been entered into the police computer system and if he is caught, that (who knows?) he will be thrown in jail...and he laughs me off. I said fine, be arrested and thrown in jail, one less (F'ing) problem for ME to deal with. He comes back with the officer didn't say anything to him....I said because you're going to get a letter from the state that you have to take the driving test first. Of course how that will go, as I told others, in his mind he has nothing to lose, so he will try. ANd I tell you people....he's good...damn good. Until and me and the neighbor convinced him to STOP already, he ALWAYS would back his car into the garage. They never reccommend doing that because it allows the CO2 to build up in the more enclosed area of your garage, furthest from the door and the fumes can build up and potentially seep into your home....but he is quite skilled driving wise. He is not usually this dense or stupid. I screamed at him that he hit a car with passengers in it...
Our area does have some limited services available transportation wise and we are blessed to have good neighbors of which dad is one. So hopefully this will resolve for everyone's best interests...he's just capable of always being on the go and independently, hitting the local grocery, going to the mall to go walking (which is where he was when this happened). Winter is the hardest time with him not wanting to walk outside in the cold or sidewalks being icy and dangerous. He also can't play golf, or mow the lawn or tend to the yard/garden. Prayers and finger crossing are welcome.
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Reasonable "discrimination" is not ageism. Hearing impairment is hearing impairment. Etc. It can be very dangerous on the road. But that is a fact, not irrational prejudice. Not ageism. It is quite common, normal really, to become unable to drive as you get very old. Just human biology. Not prejudice. And surely it is more important to protect the lives of innocent people rather than worry about anyone's hurt feelings. Besides, there are alternatives, surely, to get dad to the mall without him driving himself.
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JoAnn29 Jan 9, 2021
You do know that deafness is not a reason to take a persons license away. Deaf people get licences all the time, my DH for one.
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GDaughter, I think the others have addressed the issue of safety, but I want to offer some insight on the "private property" issue.   Malls from my experience in commercial real estate genuinely are privately owned, but they are open to the public (invitees), and assuming the stores are selling, that is the function of the mall.

So I don't think "private" has any bearing here, unless the accident occurred on adjacent property which isn't part of the mall.
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gdaughter Jan 9, 2021
It does factor in as the officer said specifically to me that it means no tickets can be issued to anyone.
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Agree with rovana. Start looking into transportation services for seniors in the area. Vans for seniors that offer rides to the mall, supermarkets. We have two not-for profits that offer rides for seniors to doctor appointments. They do need need two week in advance notification.
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I was hit by a ‘sweet little grandmother’ who was driving her grandchild to school. She ran into me in the parking lot of my daughter’s preschool.

This elderly woman backed out of her parking space without looking in her rear view mirror and ran smack into the passenger side of my vehicle.

Pictures were taken by the body shop that proved to the insurance company that she caused the damage to my vehicle.

Turns out that she was driving her daughter’s car which she never drove again.

Please do everything possible to stop your dad from driving. This isn’t about agism. It’s about safety for her and others.
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rovana Jan 9, 2021
I've wondered if the "Not looking before backing out" could be related to arthritic stiffness in neck and shoulders? A common problem as one ages.
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Yes. They will take the license or suspend the license of take other actions in order to get a senior they judge to be in need of testing in for that testing. Dad will likely have to get his license back by passing written test, eye exam, hearing tests if he shows impaired hearing on exam, and also likely the driving part of the exam. This is not age discrimination, but it is recognition of aging changes and how they affect the ability to drive, therefore the greater public safety good.
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Someone must have seen what happened and called the police. The police must have felt Dad was not capable of driving to take it away. But I don't think they have the ability to revoke his licence. IMO only the DMV can revoke his licence. But the law maybe different in your state. They can report him.

I think Dad needs to be tested by the DMV. Then its up to them to make a determination concerning his driving skills. At 101 his reflexes are probably not good. You said "ability to be focused on things". When u drive being focused is very important. If he can't hear, he has to be aware of his surroundings. I don't even talk to my DH when he drives. He can't concentrate on what I am saying and the road too.

I think its time for Dad to stop driving. Find other ways of getting around. The car should be sold or put somewhere so its not a constant reminder. He is lucky he was on private property or he would have had a ticket.
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notgoodenough Jan 9, 2021
I think you're correct. In NY, the police cannot "take" your license; only a judge can do that. And there would have to be a summons issued, or an accident report generated, and some sort of court proceeding before that happens.

How did he get home after the accident? If the police had "taken his license", they surely would not have let him drive his car home afterward; and there would have to be some sort of paper trail generated, because I would think they would have either 1) called someone in his family to pick Dad and the car up or 2) had the car towed. For the police to say that someone is not fit to have a driver's license to the point they "remove" it, and then proceed to let that person drive themselves home would open them to all sorts of liability should that person get into another accident.

I understand the OP's desire to protect Dad from ageism, but as others have said, there comes a time when we just shouldn't be driving anymore. It's not just about our own safety, but the safety of everyone who has the misfortune of being on the road at the same time.
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In most jurisdictions, the police on the scene can confiscate the license of a person that they reasonably feel to be impaired (drunk, high, disoriented...) The matter is then sent to the DMV for resolution.

Has dad heard from the DMv?

Does he recall what happened?

Did he or the police seek medical attention for him after the accident?

How did he get home?
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gdaughter Jan 9, 2021
just happened so nothing yet, and he doesn't believe he can't drive since the license was returned by an officer, in person, today. Too soon to hear from BMV, though an officer involved and I have communicated. Seems they should maybe not have taken the license....but they can report the accident and returned or not he is NOT supposed to/be allowed to drive UNTIL HE RETAKES the TEST which a letter from the BMV will inform him of. I have threatened him he will be arrested if caught to no avail. ANd worse, if that damn letter comes to the house instead of the PO box, mom with dementia is likely to snatch it and we may never see it. I have not asked for the details since the officer filled me in; but he does not recognize the seriousness of what happened and on that alone I agree with the officer that he is or could be a risk to himself or others. So short version: No too soon to hear from BMV, HE certainly knows something happened but I have not pressed for details because as you can imagine, it is a sensitive subject; more likely to share more with my golden sibiling in FL. He and fortunately the others were not in any need of medical attention. The officer gave him a ride home leaving the car on the parking lot, then a good neighbor and his son drove back with dad to retrieve the car now parked back in our garage.
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Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if it was the police car he hit? It would certainly explain why they were so prompt to take action!

I agree about the "for heaven's sake stop driving if you're not safe" comments, but I also agree with you that the potential for depression and demotivation is real and not to be dismissed lightly. Get busy researching alternative transport; other than that do more listening that talking, and don't argue any points because he's not likely to be in the mood to listen to reason. It sounds as if the police intervention might have been a blessing in disguise.
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gdaughter Jan 10, 2021
A short lived blessing my friend as the officer who returned it yesterday did not speak to him or remind him that he was NOT to drive and that he would be getting a letter from the state BMV about NOT being able to until he was re-tested. In his mind as I said elsewhere, got license in hand/okay to drive. And also from his perspective shame on all of US because WE are making a federal case out of this! Thank your for being wise enough to recognize the potential psychological impact and damages. I truly believe that this blow may be too great for his soul to endure. Maybe I'll be wrong...but I do agree about safety risks...to others. To himself. WE can't let the energizer bunny leave this planet on a dark note, nor could I endure the guilt of knowing he took another life or even injured one.
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