Has anyone had to do a civil commitment for a senior who refuses a nursing home? Mom is about to be evaluated against her will.

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My Mom’s dementia has geared up to the point that she’s calling the police on the apartment manager whom she thinks has stolen her blood pressure meds, which she is taking in excess of the dosage, her meals in wheels, legal paperwork, etc. She will not pay her rent anymore because she claims she is rent free. I am on her checking acct so I pay it. The other day the manager told me I need to get a handle on her.


I had to hire a lawyer and it goes before the judge Tuesday the 4th. They will pick her up and take her to the ER where there is a geriatric psych ward to be evaluated and hold her for a couple of weeks medicating her. I’m so sad but cannot do anything else as she refuses to let me handle her medications and is taking it like candy.


Problem is I start a new job on Tuesday, I have asked if I could start Wednesday and they said yes. I don’t know how I’m going to shuffle my new position but I have to work. I have a house note and such.


If the judge finds her incompetent he will allow me guardianship and she will go to a nursing home after.


I won’t be able to see her every single day due to my job


The guilt is excruciating. Please help me deal with this.


Thank you in advance.

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If the judge names a guardianships for your mom, then the guardian has court issued paperwork to legally take over the decision making for her for basically all aspects of her life - where she llives, her finances & getting rid of everything from her prior life of need be.
Id be concerned that right now your not up for the job as you’ve got a new job starting (and you need to work your not a retiree) and sound emotionally are overwhelmed in dealing with her. To me often guardianship means you have to become Pitt Bullie bad witch to force them to do things that IF they would have just done on thier own would have meant there never ever would have needed a guardian. That she’s gonna fight what you know need to do for her health & safety and that you -even though your a guardian- can’t be forced full and carry out decisions. And you’ll hesitate.....

if thats likely is there another family member who would be up to being named guardian? Like temporary guardian for next 6 mos (or whenever the required report is due to court) and then you petition court to be named?

You dont mention an atty in your post? You do have one, right? What is your attorney advising?

If not, is this an APS driven guardianship hearing? So you’ve gotten a hearing notice from the court as a direct family member but you didn’t petition. That’s kinda a different type of hearing. Is it this type?
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Reply to igloo572
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You are taking care of your and her circumstances in the best way you have been able to find for her....
Anyone who is loving and caring and conscientious, whether appreciated or not, is bound to feel a certain amount of guilt because there are so few answers in caring for someone with dementia.
In your self talk conversations, assure yourself that even though you don’t have the choices you’d LIKE to have for her, you ARE choosing the safest, fairest, most reasonable options among the bad choices that you have.
I was also starting a new job immediately after placing my mom, and work really did become therapy.
In a similar situation as yours I learned over time that Mom’s Quality of Life was MUCH BETTER than in her lonely run down housing. She had thought that she wanted to die in her own house, but in time learned that residential care was MUCH more pleasant for her.
Guilt can be a positive or a negative motivator. Focus as objectively as you can on what she really needs and what steps you can take to provide that, but keep in mind the balance with what YOU need and how YOU can provide for yourself as well.
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Reply to AnnReid
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Prayers for you to find peace as this is unfortunately something that happens to many people who are trying to juggle their own lives and take care of their senior family members... The guilt though... that’s your mind getting to your weaknesses and all the things that have happened to you with your mom in your life.. as well as society telling us that we need to take care of family no matter what !!!! But when it comes to your personal life and peace & sanity you have to tale care of you before you can take care of anyone else .. Your life matters too!!! You have no reason to feel guilty for having No choice but to place her in a care facility.. Thank God she’s got the medical to do so... if that happens.. Please find peace in meditation, positive affirmations, prayer to God who knows what you are going through and always has answers or whatever it is to get an outlet to take your mind from the guilt... Congrats on the new job.. that alone should help you find some comfort by
focusing on yoir
duties.. may I also suggest Every time a guilty
feeling comes either sing it away, speak it away , laugh it away...hournal it way, it helps I know ive
been there...

blessings ....
;)
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Reply to BrokenDaughter8
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