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Hubby and I are mid 70s needing more assistance. planning to move closer to a daughter (at her invitation ) and therapist recommended it would be too isolating and we should consider some kind of assisted living so we could enjoy the support and activities. problem is we are rather solitary people and like our privacy. Our preference would be for a cabin on a lakeshore rather than a nice condo with gourmet meals. Now we do know better than to opt for total isolation so the cabin is out but the idea of close neighbors is not something we want to get used to however "good for us" it might be deemed. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy personal interactions but in small doses and really enjoy helping others and don't allow myself to be taken advantage of. if i see a need and am able to fill it i am only too happy to reach out but if someone expects me to solve their problems because they are too idle they are SOL. hence having a trusted daughter supervise us is the way i want to go. I promise i will give up driving long before anyone needs to enforce it. I don't want to be 'encouraged' to join activities or meals I like to peek in the window first to see what is going on and them decide.
Anyway I am just looking for general ideas not anything really specific yet so would appreciate all info, general and personal experience. Not ready to leave contact information.

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My mom is a very solitary person at this point (she's 96). She lives in independent living and she's always commenting that they "leave her alone" and don't make her do things. And I always say, "Mom, you're their ideal resident - they don't have to do anything for you. They love you!"

The nice thing about where she lives is she fixes her own food (we get a food credit - so if you move to a facility and you want that independence, make sure that's an option). She didn't like going down to meals and having to socialize in that way. Also, Mom can't remember to take her meds, so twice a day folks from an agency (that operates on-site) come in to give them to her, for an extra $250 a month. That takes care of a big issue. She gets her place cleaned every other week (they clean everyone else's place weekly, but my mom didn't want it that often). She has an emergency pendant provided by the facility. Help is a phone call away, from the front desk. If/when she needs more care, there's an assisted living component and then a skilled nursing component, all in the same facility. They have trips and a bus to take people shopping, but my mom doesn't do any of that stuff...she'd rather be in her room reading or working crossword puzzles. :)
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Veronica so much depends upon where you're going to live. In suburban NY, Independent Living with 3 meals a day and light housekeeping was $5500 a month back in 2010. The same kind of thkng in rural Pennsylvania can be had for leas than half of that. You are going to have to do some research in the area you are moving to. Alas, that probably does mean leavong your contact information.

In part, what needs to happen is an analysis of your needs. Help with the checkbook and paying bills? Meal prep? ADLs? Managing meds? Or just once a week check in, and the ability of your daughter to get to the hospital quickly if something happens? If the latter, I'd say you'd been fine in an apartment near restaurants that deliver.
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You want frank, lets be frank. You are not ready for ALF's. They are basically retirement apartment facilities with whatever amenities you desire depending on what you can afford. They start at $2500 to $3000 per month for active residents to upwards of $5000 and up for memory care units. ALF's will assist in minor personal care to a degree. What you are looking for is a higher dollar, gated, senior 55+ community resort area. They will still be either condos or trailers (more Florida) depending on what you want to spend + a monthly maintenance fee, and how private you wish. Activities will be posted on a community board. or a park TV channel so you may or may not attend. How friendly or distant you wish to be with your neighbors is up to your discretion. I wish you luck in your search.
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FF, the differing levels of retirement, Al, Nh is a good, viable idea. It was recommended to my neighbors, but they waited too long and separate family members took in each spouse, losing their home, maybe before they were ready.
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For me, living in isolation ( private, one story small home) with a family member close by would be great. Having the money and a guest house for a housekeeper or gardener (or a couple) would take my husband and I into our late 70's.
Maybe not for everyone. A mini ranch would be ideal. Living close to a teaching hospital would provide the best medical care access, imop. Water, a beach or a lake, and a very safe placd to live.
Except that my husband and I might like the guest house more, and rent out the main house for income.
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Veronica, find a 55+ community that has different levels of continuing care. In the 55+ you buy an apartment and do what you want, and some of the apartments are larger than some single family homes depending on how much you want to spend. But making close friends is very important, as they can help you thru a rough day.

Next step if you and hubby need a tad bit more help, you move into the assisted living building, and your friends are still in the same community.

Then another step into memory care, if that is an issue, again your friends are still in the same community and maybe now in the same building.

What is nice is that such communities you can have you car until it is time to give up the keys, then the community has a small bus that go to the local grocery stores, etc.

Some communities have a bank branch inside the complex.... a primary doctor office... a barber shop/beauty salon.... a gift shop.... gym, etc.
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Veronica, I thought of you when I read this email today. It's not pertaining to your question but it's a webcast...maybe the website and the video will give you some answers.

It's an Organization: mmLearn.
Title: Living Independently: A Healthy Choice by
Presenter: Maria W. Wellisch, RN, LNFA

When it comes to independent living for the elderly, there are many things to consider. What would it take for you (or your loved one) to remain in your home versus living in a retirement facility? This webcast offers a proactive approach to remaining independent for as long a possible.
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It's great you have considered what your future needs may be and have realistic expectations. I like my privacy too, but I also want to have backup there, just in case I need it. That's something that is important to me.

I hope others here may have researched this and can help you. I have a nice house out in the country that I am renovating, but I doubt I will live there. It's miles from a pharmacy, grocery store, doctors, etc. I can't see me living there in my senior years. It's too isolating.

What about an independent living resort or retirement community? I have seen advertisements of places that look like one floor condos. They have a patio, grounds that include a lake, ducks, recreation area, transportation, etc. There may also be a link around this site for places like that. Assuming they have on site assistance for medical response or just helping with mobility issues, that might be something to explore.

I would pick out a handful and do tours online for those that you can and then go visit the others, once you narrow it down.
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