My father was closer to me than anyone on earth, and I absolutely adored him. I won’t bore you with all of the ways he made the world a better place, but at the end of the day, the point is: absolutely no regrets for one second of caring for him with my mother these past few years, through in-home hospice and death. We worked together to put aside what was a very fraught relationship between us. His death destroyed me, and I’ll probably never recover.
But of that is normal. So, no problem. Just one day at a time, and it’s early days, but I’ll get through this time of grieving. Then today, 3 weeks after my father passed, my mother goes on about what a failure and loser I am for refusing to go to the market. For the record, I’m a previously very successful lawyer who left practice to deal with a health matter, then continued not working when my father needed care and she said she couldn't do it alone. I’m living in a caregiver unit in her home, and I don’t have any savings. I couldn’t immediately get back on my own feet, as my only money has been a $200/month stipend. But she’s a bit of a narcissist with histrionic personality disorder (my non-medical, yet accurate, diagnosis), so it was only a matter of “when” for her to go in for the kill on ...something.
I’m 50 and in decent health. She’s 78 and in decent health. We are comfortable due to my father’s business acumen, so this is less about money and more about control. I’m pretty sure I can’t stay after today. I’m really trying to get through tonight, because no matter how deeply her words cut me, it’s not remotely the first time and I should know better than to think she’d changed.