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Not sure where I heard it recently but it seems to be a term that fits me at this point. I have been caring for too many for a while and seem to be on overload. I am snippy toward my dad and pretty much everyone, don't really care to deal with anyone right now, I do need a vacation (again). Going away with my wife (business/pleasure) overnight and looking forward to hitting the off button for 48 hours. How does anyone else deal with this when it is 24/7 and not snap? Not that I am going to snap so don't call the social media police. It is just overwhelming at times and my problems are about as tiny as they get compared to what many other people have to deal with. How do others deal with all of this?

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Yes, I get it. I remember I thought I knew everything at one point and my parents didn't. He is just a slob and was raised as a slob and continues to be one in my house. I don't like him, I never did although I have tried. The first day I say him even before they got together I didn't get him. There are things that worry me about him. She is strong but I don't want her to be strong, I want her to be happy. We will see. He and my dad are like buddy buddy now so maybe that will help. Although dad is using him as a helper at church now kind of kike Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer.
Happy thought have both my girls home this weekend! Yea for us!
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TG, the 4-H motto is "learn to do by doing", your dear daughter will figure it out the same way we all did, by living it.
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I keep forgetting others have it much worse than I do. My issues are small in comparison. My wife keeps telling me to breathe. Sometimes it is hard. I leave and feel I have it under control then I come back and its out of control. My daughter is closing on their house at the end of the month. I am happy for her but worried as he is pretty much under educated on what it takes to run a house. As much as I want them to be on their own a piece of me loves having my daughter here.... not the SIL... Then it is back to dealing with dad......
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My heart goes out to all caregivers. It seems that sometimes the only understanding we get is from others who have been there. I was a full time caregiver to my husband who is disabled and has dementia. After 2 years my mind and body broke and I admitted myself to hospital to get help. I was there for 5 days and you know What? Life went on and people stepped up and helped. I realized that I am a person. With needs and wants and that's okay. I didn't ask for help until it was just too much. I waited for the break down. Please take care of yourselves and don't lose yourself. You are important too. Ask for help. It may be surprising who will come out of the woodwork and give respite. Bless you all.
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Either way, I am the surrogate son since I volunteered to help them years ago. She is a very nice person, doesn't need a lot. I do the maintenance and what ever she needs. No family around.
Daughter and SIL are getting ready to buy a house, finger crossed. Found one, not my liking but I dont have a dog in the fight. Will be nice for them to be on their own. I was hoping she would buy something nicer but he is driving this deal (getting it from a friend who is just like him). So she will be in a crappy house until she wises up. Oh well, not much of my problem except I will e the one to do the repairs. But again they will be out! A little less stress soon!
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"Back home right in the middle of it. 87 YO neighbor not doing so great. Daughter called could not get a hold of her so it was an hour of tech support fixing the modem so the phone and computer worked. She needs to live with someone one, she is slowing down. Will talk to daughter about her going to spend some time with her on the other coast."

Not your concern. I would advise you not to insert yourself into their family dynamics. And not everyone thinks that having an elder parent living with them is the solution...
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Tgengine - at least has your DIL and SIL and their dogs moved out or are you still burdened with them in addition to your dad? A few of your other posts you mentioned going out to dinner with your wife. If you can take some small time each day to get out for a bit it might help. Then longer respites as you just did.
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Had a few good days away to forget about a lot. Combination work and fun, ate way too much. Amazing how I sleep without all the stress. Back home right in the middle of it. 87 YO neighbor not doing so great. Daughter called could not get a hold of her so it was an hour of tech support fixing the modem so the phone and computer worked. She needs to live with someone one, she is slowing down. Will talk to daughter about her going to spend some time with her on the other coast. again, caring to too many too much!
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I think that I did suffer from the fatigue for awhile, before I got help for my LO. It was a rough time and I actually fell apart physically, once I got her placed. So, I had more health issues as a result of being under too much stress, work and duties.

It's good that you are recognizing the effects that its having and getting some respite time. I think that is so important. That's what dragged me down. I had NO ONE else to help me at all. You really need a network of support, imo. Do you have that?

Can you get regular respite time? I might suggest that 48 hours might not be enough time though to recharge your batteries.

You ask how others deal with it. From what I see and from what I read online, a lot of caregivers suffer. They live in misery, exhausted, and frustrated, because they have overextended themselves. Around the clock care for a person who is immobile and/or incontinent or who has dementia is really a huge job. I think that some people underestimate what is reasonable and think they are super heroes. They really do give up their own lives. And then, after sacrificing everything to be the caretaker, they start to feel guilty. That seems to be very prominent, so, I'd watch out for that.

Let us know how your trip goes. I hope you and your wife can really enjoy that time.
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Not one of us, even if we tell “outsiders” that our lives are all sunshine and light and we are sooo honored to have the job of caregiving for someone in our family, can be on top of everything all day, every day. All of us get burned out in some shape or form. I get snappy and snarking with my husband, who is bedridden, and the other day I burst into tears when cleaning him up and dressing him. He doesn’t know how to handle me breaking down and began cursing at me. I also took care of my mom with dementia before she passed last November. It’s difficult NOT to shut down. But don’t beat yourself up of you do. I have 2 grandchildren I worship and being with them is my break time. I visualize a snow shovel and a cardboard box and shoveling all my problems into it, closing the lid and taping it shut. Find some visuals you can use. And, it’s also ok to tell Dad’s doctor you feel like you’re struggling and ask for help from them. Good luck and hugs!
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Hi Tgingine
I think you have to put yourself on the daily schedule. We plan for mom or dads meds and dr appointments and diet etc but we act at times like our needs aren't just as important as our LOs. We also get going and forget the other people in our lives have a need for a spouse, a parent, a grandparent, a friend. We ignore them to take care of our LO, thinking the others can fend for themselves right now and later we learn the hard way that they were in need of a spouse, parent, grandparent, friend and we were busy with the elder who has somehow become so very needy,,,real or imagined. So it is indeed a balancing act and oh yes , throw in there a job!
Anyway. I'm glad you have yourself on your schedule. Enjoy your time away with your wife.
Personally. I meditate and walk and use text a lot to stay connected.
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