Is anyone else lost?

I have been taking care of family since I was eight. Most people are not aware of what this job really is. I was born to wipe my families a** my grandmother told me so it was different for me (I was molded for this) . I didn't see a future but most people have. You know what a life really is and when it gets taken away you feel trapped in their body with no exit. depression has taken over and you have to save yourself. If you wasn't there they will make it with out you. It is okay to just be a daughter and friend and just visit them. It sound like it is just to hard for you at this moment. Please call someone to help you even if their not your favorite person but you now that they will take good care of them. Stop in think about the one person you will be with until you die (you). if you keep going this way you will be lost many years after they are gone.Good luck

Sandy: I, too, hear you and understand. I am sure none of us ever saw ourselves in this situation. Prayers and hugs...Fran

I understand... Have been through many a bad Christmas', etc ( holidays)?... You want to be 'happy' but you just can't get you 'happy' back... First, know you're NOT alone!... (This helps me immensely)... Know that we're just human and can only do so much while trying to maintain our own self/identity/life... Push ahead and keep trying to do something different for yourself... Slowly you'll go forward for your own health and 'happiness'... You deserve it all... It's very possible but as a caregiver we have to really work on ourselves... That's the nature of the beast (so I've found out also).... Love to you and big hug!!!,

Sandy22, You are showing signs of classic depression, although you don't know it (yet). There are caring, loving psychiatrists out there who will be able to help you.
You must let someone help you. Make the call, make the appointment.

Sandy,
You've gotten a wealth of advice, most of it boiling down to taking time for you and getting some level of support. I definitely understand how you feel: hopeless, anxious, sad, exhausted...there were days I wanted to pack my things and put my entire life in the rear view and start over someplace. I didn't, but boy did I ever imagine this scenario! While therapy, exercise, etc all could help you, I just want you to hang on and take things a step at a time. If it helps to share, I got to a point (like you) where I was absolutely at my breaking point. Although my careguving circumstances didn't change, I worked to compartmentalize my mind: when I was in the caregiving role, I was there 100%; when I was at work, I focused just on that. It was hard, but it helped me separate and distance myself from the burnout I felt so that I could function in other parts of my life. It was hard, but it did help me. I know it's hard being in a dark place--but, there is the possibility of light and hope with each new day.

Folks since when is the "looney bin" as most ignorant people describe a psychiatric facility to treat a mental illness a "bad" place? Getting help is the best thing she can do, and if she has to spend time in a mental hospital to do it, and receives the care she needs, then she should be congratulated for making that correct decision. Anyone who degrades or demeans another person for having a mental illness (such as dementia too) needs professional help themselves because they suffer from being a bully and a small individual.

Sandy - I'm so sorry for your sense of being lost and uncertain what to do. While all of us are in different places on this journey, I can relate. The factors that have helped me most are my faith in God, getting counseling, reaching out to get some services in place, even though financial situations have made this more difficult. Initially, I worried and stressed that Mom would be unhappy with those services, now I realize that I can't do this alone (I'm an only child) and if she's going to stay with me, I MUST have some help. I've gone back to art journaling and sketching which usually relieves stress for me, although I realize that it is not for everyone. I try to talk a short walk everyday. Please understand none of these are magic fixes and I'm not trying to suggest they are. My caregiving journey is going on 7 years and these are things that I am learning as I go. Big hugs to you, my friend!

ferris1, who has called a psychiatric facility a bad place on this thread? The posts that I've read here have been supportive of Sandy getting help for her depression. I must have missed that one.

When I was going through an especially bad depression in my younger days, I was pregnant and my husband had left me for another woman, I went to an astrologer. The psychologist I was seeing was not much help, but the astrologer helped me so much that I became a counseling astrologer (after several years of study and schooling). Counseling astrologers can help you identify your strengths and give timing as to just how to deal with your particular situation. I see 10 - 20 clients weekly in this capacity. I also do grief counseling and for some reason people are more willing to go to a holistic center rather than to a psychiatrist or psychologist. Whatever you need to do to get some help, do it. Astrologer's rates are comparable to licensed counselor's rates and we do not take insurance, so be prepared to pay out of pocket if you seek this kind of help. Also there are a lot of charlatans disguising themselves as astrologers or spiritual counselors, get a good referral or references and be sure that this person has a legitimate office and is educated and qualified in his/her field. Meditation and Yoga groups can also bee helpful in dealing with depression.

The mere mention of "looney bin" is bad.

ferris1, oh I see that was near the end of the second post. I wondered what set you off this morning. Yes, that is a bad term. Have a nice day.

when all is said and done, it usually boils down to the practical. There is a short story, 'the cold equations'. I think a lot of situations fit that scenario..sort of no way out conclusion.
we all understand wanting to walk out. most of us can't. while pam got slammed for being cold and uncaring, trying for an equivalence to other horrors most of which we will never see, it will end up as practicality. Fate can be quite uncaring. We are still alive, I am alive for which I am glad. SANDY NEEDS A BREAK!!. And sometimes others arms have to be twisted before help is forthcoming. Sadly in many cases, there is little help from other quarters, other quarters that could da** well help if they would get off their own tails. Hang in there Sandy, pam,
but then, I am also regarded as blunt and cold at times as well.

Yeah, Farris1 is right. Stigma. Not that I pay a lot of attention to that, having been told I have an IQ that is one and a half times "normal", and am supposed to be of super "sound mind". None the less, we all feel similar things, brought about by life, loving, feelings we may not be doing enough, we may be doing too much, or may not be doing the right things. Just say "depression" and most people figure they are crackers. We are probably all "crackers" at some point in our lives. So much for the weight of that theory. But yeah, there is a stigma. Dumb as it is. ;-)

I, too, have suffered from depression at different times in my life and it sucks. It feels as if it will never end....but now I know that it will, especially once I am being medicated for it. In fact it runs in the family. We have all gotten to the point where we are able to be up-front and talk about it, even laugh about it sometimes. We, as a family have come to regard it just if diabetes ran in the family. We are no longer ashamed to say, 'I'm depressed' or I feel a depression coming on.... When you have a lot of strain on you , and I think everyone will agree care giving is a lot of stress and dementia can hit the ball right out of the park, you can easily become depressed. I don't know all of my triggers but I get this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I know I need to get back on my meds. No matter how we say it here on this site, we do want you to feel better and the advice you have been given is sound. Blessings on you, Linda

Sandy, you are stronger than you think. You ARE still you. The fact that you are reaching out says to me that you know there is hope and relief, but you are desperate to find it. My thoughts are the same as those who have advised you to get help. Do you feel resentment, and then guilt because of those feelings? I ask, because perhaps that has led to anger at yourself? So much so that you feel you don't deserve the clothes on your back, or the joy of the holidays. I'm not a professional, but I can only imagine how exhausted you must feel. So many emotions. You are right to reach out for understanding and support. Use the advice, and resources that help you, (as each caregiver has their own unique set of circumstances) and discard what does not.

Hi, All,
I just put Mother to bed and thought I would check emails before dragging myself up the stairs.
Trusting we can all have a better year than 2014 has been (for me, anyway). On top of the ongoing "mom issues" I have added health problems of my own.
I was recently diagnosed with diabetes (my dad was diabetic and at the tender age of 65 it caught up with me). Doc said stress probably triggered it. She told me I need to eliminate stress. I sat there and laughed. She began writing a prescription for a stronger anti-depression med. I never filled it.
If I don't laugh, I cry. That gives me wrinkles. :)
Sandy, you will definitely find love and support from those participating on this site. We are all paddling the same boat of frustration. Hang in there.

Only1child, sorry to hear about your diabetes. Stress elevates our cortisol hormone, which elevates our blood sugar. Necessary for survival when we're chased by a tiger, but not pleasant in modern Western culture. Anyway, try to get more fiber. Even in capsule form, such as psyllium husk capsules. Fiber helps slow down the absorption of sugar, thereby reducing blood sugar. Blessings to you.

Hi only1child, u truly made me smile with your post! I can so identify with your need to find " your funny" again. As I sometimes find my funny despite being , tired, financially drained, etc. etc
As we all know! But still we persevere! I am happy today and I feel stronger than I did yesterday but ultimately Sandy we all find a way to continue to put one in front of the other and some how we have to believe that " this too shall pass". Hugs and much love

Yeah, You missed it, Crow. I was taken back when I read that statement also. Not nice.