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I feel so lost that I do not know me anymore let alone act like myself, to point where I do not like me I feel I cannot find myself or do anything but st and now Christmas is here I feel horrible being feeling like a scrooge but HONESTLY CANNOT HELP IT I FEEL LIKE TAKING DOWN TREES THROWING AWAY AND WITH THE CLOTHES ON MY BACK NOTHING ELSE AND WALKING AWAY ON FOOT ANDE JUST KEEP WALKING AND NOT LOOK BACK I HAVE NEVERE FELT THIS WAY BEFORE.

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Gosh I know that feeling. You know there are more murders and suicides at Christmas than at any other time of year. Definitely a cup-half-empty time of year. So let's look at what is still in the cup? You aren't sitting in a hole in Afghanistan. You're not watching your babies die of Ebola. The tsunami has not swept away your village yet.
Still you are overwhelmed. So for today, flip off the laundry, don't clean the floor. Call the Hospice nurse and tell them you need some RESPITE or a looney bin, their choice. Just do it.
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Pam-Your answers are usually cold and blunt but this latest one is about as COLD AND CRUEL as I could imagine. Obviously Sandy22 is suffering and reached out for some compassion and understanding from this sight and what you gave her was a slap across the face. I can only hope that she takes your answer and discards it for the garbage that it is.
Sandy-please reach out to anyone who can give you some relief and time off. I have been in your position and I can only tell you that you are not alone. Many of us have been there. While it does seem that things a hopeless and escape seems like the only option, know that a respite from the situation will give you some perspective. You desperately need a break. Try to find a way to get one. Your mom will be ok while you are gone. Call for respite care from a hospice and try to hang on until arrangements are made. Don't give up, what you are feeling is the result of being overly tired and feeling trapped in your situation. A break will give you the perspective you need to gain control of the situation and maybe plan for some regular help. I don't know whether that comes from hired help or a family member stepping up to help. Remember-you are important and you deserve better. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to go out and get it for yourself, it doesn't come to you without asking.
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Salisbury, I do not consider telling a person who is so obviously suffering from depression and came to this site for some support to call a hospice service and tell them you need a "looney bin" good advice. Nor is throwing all the things they are NOT experiencing like Ebola or being in a hole in the ground in Afghanistan in their face as a convincing
example of how things aren't so bad. I don't see the support or advice in those statements.
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sandy22, you are in a very deep state of depression. Do you have a doctor who is treating your depression? You need to call your doctor's office and inform the doctor how deep your depression is. If you don't have a doctor, then call 911 and get yourself some medical help.
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I know just how u r feeling my feelings of stress and anxiety have got worse these last thrèe years although ive been caring for mum for 12 years christmas is always the worst time especially this one as i lost my dad in march
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Pam -Wow, telling someone off who is obviously depressed & using words like suicide & murder while mentioning problems she will never face, looks like YOU belong in the loony bin. Sandy is telling you where she is at & wasting her time with b.s is not going to help her. Salisbury, you can join Pam too. Sandy sounds like she is at her breaking point & if you can't be more compassionate & understanding then you both belong elsewhere. Here's a thought, why don't you both crawl back in the hole you came out of?

Sandy, I hear you. Caregiving is not easy. You are putting someone else's needs above your own while trying to live your own life. There is the worry & the stress. I am not going to confuse you with being cold-hearted. You are doing a selfless thing & I commend you. Now, you need to put yourself first. I would look into respite care. It's only for a few days but that may be all you need to recharge. Use that time to consult your doctor about how you are feeling because the situation you are in is not going to get better. There are also local agencies that can provide you with extra care & relieve some of your burden. Also, you need to find something in each day that is about you & only you. That could mean joining a gym, going for a run, taking a walk, yoga, just something you enjoy & the focus is only about you. Sandy, please know that you are not alone & it will end. You will come out an even better person.
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Wow, there are so many great posts and suggestions here.

Here is my brief story about going to a therapist, a licensed clinical social worker. He was so experienced, he had see it all before, my story (which was really out there) didn't faze him in the least. He gave me so much good advice, and so much self-confidence. Thanks to him, I was able to take rather spectacular action that I have never regretted. I had only one question: why did I wait so long? Why didn't I do this twenty years ago? I still see him whenever things get weird. We are good buddies and he always helps me.

So, I would say to anyone: Don't wait! Don't do what I did. Go get help NOW!
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Just wondering, Sandy, did you got stressed and depressed at Christmas time before this?

I ask because since I've been here with Mom (11 years and counting), I've become depressed Thanksgiving through Christmas and then feel anxious (more so than usual) the next couple of months after that. Don't know why exactly but it may be related to family visiting and money worries.

The thing is that caregiving for a 96-year-old dementia patient at high risk of falling keeps me just at the edge of my tolerance. Then when something else happens -- such as visitors, holidays, unexpected expenses, etc. -- I get pushed beyond what I can stand.

This year, with those past experiences behind me, I've done better at recognizing the desperate feelings when they come up. I remind myself that these feelings are mine and have nothing to do with anybody else. Life happens and I'm in control of how I react to it. (This is a work in progress.)

Perhaps time will make you better able to cope. Meanwhile, definitely seek a diagnosis, counseling and medication. Experimentation may be necessary to get the right mix of drugs so please be patient. Blessings to you for quick relief in the current crisis. Please keep us posted.
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Sandy.....hold on...meaning...its going to be ok. You are not alone! You are apparently under alot of stress.
Contact your doctor for medical support and know people care about your well being...peace...happiness and life.
For now, take one day at a time.
Blessings to you. Please know you are gonna be alright.
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Folks since when is the "looney bin" as most ignorant people describe a psychiatric facility to treat a mental illness a "bad" place? Getting help is the best thing she can do, and if she has to spend time in a mental hospital to do it, and receives the care she needs, then she should be congratulated for making that correct decision. Anyone who degrades or demeans another person for having a mental illness (such as dementia too) needs professional help themselves because they suffer from being a bully and a small individual.
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