She's (my mother) always been like this but after years of counselling I'm not prepared to accept it anymore, which of course makes her worse. But she depends on me.

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Why do you feel an obligation to provide hands on care?

Arrange for her to be cared for with her funds and manage from afar.

Grey Rick technique if you occasionally be in her presence.
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I know I won't be the only responder who believes you must make yourself a priority or you will burn out. Even if you didn't already have challenges, someone like your mom would tax even the most "healthy" caregiver.

You can support and manage her care, you just don't need to do it on a daily basis or hands-on. You need boundaries, which she won't like. If you believe you're the only one who can provide her care, then maybe consider that you have a co-dependent relationship with her.

Do you live with her or her with you? Does she have cognitive or memory issues? Are you her PoA? If you're not her PoA then managing her medical and financial affairs will be more difficult than needs be. The banks are very rigid when it comes to this.

You are not responsible for your mother's happiness. She's had her whole life to deal with her demons. She won't improve with age. Are you really willing to give up your mental health and daily life for it? I wish you much clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart as you assess how to help her from an arm's length.
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