Anyone else feel nauseous knowing they have to visit parent on hospice?

We can't tell you that because we don't know you. I long to tell you that, but the truth is that if I tell you that and something happens to your Mom I fear, after this much dedication in caregiving, that you will want to kick yourself.

So know that guilt, by the experts is often taken on so that you don't have to face the REAL elephant in the room, which is grief and the finality of loss. The amount of time and dedication you have invested has prevented you from forming a life and friendship and your grieving will be made worse by this.

Please start NOW to search for support group for grieving even if online on Facebook. Look it up by "grief support group" and you will find someone to speak with the the dead of night. I am so very sorry. Take care of yourself, please.

It's OK not to go.

And please, don't beat yourself up over any 'guilt' you may be experiencing. Your have done nothing wrong.

Take care of you--go when you feel stronger. Or don't.

Alva's advice is best.

And, we're all friends here. No judgment.

I want to say, weather you go or not go, Mom will probably pass when you aren't there anyway. My nephew and I visited Mom in the NH where she was on Hospice. We left at 1:30 and 20min later when she was checked on, she had passed. So you could be with her for 23 hrs and you go to the bathroom, or grab coffee and she passes. Take that day off.

If you want to be with mom but do not feel that you can be alone with her Hospice has Vigil Volunteers that are specially trained to sit vigil. The goal is that no one dies alone. But they are also there to support and help family members. If you do not feel that you can be there let Hospice know and they will get volunteers to sit with her.
You do not have to be there with her. As a matter of fact I was told by many Hospice nurses and CNA's that quite often a person will wait until the family that is sitting by the bedside leaves the room, it is then they "chose" to die.
Crying, panic, frozen are all "normal" feelings of grief. And you are grieving.

When making the arrangements for your mom I am sure that you chose to do what she would have wanted and not what you think others would want.
Do not let anyone bog you down with all the Shoulda's and Coulda's.

((hugs))

I'm not your family, but I'm telling you it's ok for you not to go. I'm sure your mom knows that you love her, and in the end that's all that really matters right?
So make sure before you stop your visits that you've said everything you feel you need to before she dies so you have no regrets later.
And in the meantime please take advantage of hospices clergy and social worker if you're needing someone to talk to as their services are included with hospice.
You're doing a great job. Don't beat yourself up because you're human.
God bless you.

Thank you everyone. I’m grateful. I plan to retire in January. All support groups seem to happen during the day. I look forward to connecting with one.

Neither of my husband's brothers came to see either of their parents in hospice. I hope they assure their own children that they don't need to come see them one last time when their final moments arrive.

It is okay not to go. If you do go, you might find its not as bad as you think. Best wishes either way.

Just know that there is no right or wrong way to feel about this. Do whatever is best for you.

If you are at your wits end, please allow yourself to rest. Resting doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Resting is a vital part of maintaining emotional and physical stability.

You know yourself better than anyone else. Don’t decide what to do based on what others do. Just because something is right for them doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s right for you.

Please don’t feel any pressure to go. This is your personal choice to make. No one has a right to judge your choice regarding this matter.

Of course it's okay not to go. You've been through enough, and you need to take care of yourself. That's what your mom would probably want!

Tell those who are taking care of her that if she asks for you, they should tell her you love her and will be there later. She's probably losing track of time, so telling her that is a kindness.

Did you know that often they wait to pass until their loved ones are not present? It seems to make them rest easy that they don't have to be concerned about anyone else.

My condolences, and I wish you peace as you move forward.

I know it's hard. All of it is hard. You have been brave and done what you needed to, so don't feel guilty. Wishing you peace at such a difficult time.