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My 85 year old mother with moderate dementa is getting worse by the day as far as her behavior. She's refused her meds for three days in succession this time and is "off the chart" agitated. She's convinced that everyone is trying to kill her, including me (her daughter) and her sitter so we can get her money. She's been praying out loud that God would make something bad happen to me and my husband! She recently had a UTI and was barely eating or drinking for 2 days and everyone thought she was dying. Nursing home called in Hospice then she rallied quickly AGAIN and no one seems able to do a thing with her, including Hospice. She is on 2 medications for high blood pressure and one for hypothyroidism which she is not getting either. Heart rate well over 100. All I know to do is pray for her.

You can only do what she allows you to. Just think about your approach be as positive as you can. Remind her that your giving them to her to make her better. If she gets agitated give her a few minutes before reproaching and having someone else try if possible.
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Reply to Skylerr
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Is there a psychiatrist who is consulting on her case? In situations like this, it seems like a shot of Thorazine is what is needed to buy time to figure out what is going on.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Theras, is mom on antipsychotics?
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Theras; I'm so sorry that your mother is in such terrible shape. Is there a possiblity of having her transported back to the Behavioral unit? Are the docs SURE that the UTI has cleared? (((((((hugs))))))))
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Missing meds that the brain is dependent upon can be dangerous. My dad went through that and was extremely agitated due to missing three days of benzos. My dad will also refuse meds but putting them in applesauce and nonchalantly giving them to him has worked really well for us.
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Theras Nov 21, 2019
Staff has tried putting in food but she thinks the food is poison. I think the staff is not really that well trained to handle this. Thanks for suggestion.
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Call 911. Have her transported and tested for a UTI. A sudden change in mental status is an emergency in a person of her age.
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Theras Nov 21, 2019
She's in the NH so they've already tested and treated.
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I have to wonder what the purpose is of extending a person's life who has dementia? We insist they take their medications (to prolong life), we insist they eat (to prolong life), we insist they do this that & the other thing, all the while fighting with them tooth and nail, when what we're doing is trying to prolong their lives which have no quality left to them. If I were in this position myself, I would not want to live with paranoia & thinking my own daughter was trying to kill me and steal my money, etc. But that's just me. I am not suggesting your mother should pass away, or that you do anything to encourage that passing, but at the same time, if nobody can get her to take her life prolonging medications, then she may be ending her OWN life at this point.

Continue to pray for her and know that when it's her time to transition, she will. You've done your best for her, and that's a wonderful thing. Wishing you all the best as you work your way through this difficult situation you're facing.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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cherokeegrrl54 Nov 20, 2019
I feel the same as you lealonnie1!! Ive already told my daughter that if/when im diagnosed with a dread disease, im not taking any treatment or meds....let hospice be involved til its my time to go...and that’s exactly how i truly feel, and reading every day on this forum just reinforces it...
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Theras Nov 21, 2019
Yes, really like the ideas for diversion. I'm afraid the staff at the NH is not properly trained to deal with this. Also think some don't approach her the right way and give up too quickly when she refuses. Thanks so much.
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Wow! I wish I had some answer for you. I think everyone who's ever been a caregiver on some level has had to deal with the problem of the person they're caring for refusing to take their meds, and accusing them of trying to either poison them or kill them. Can the meds be crushed and maybe placed in a drink such as Boost or ensure or her food even? Some meds can. Others it's advised not to. If any of her meds come in capsule form you can unscrew or pull the capsule apart and put in maybe a drink such as boost, milk if she drinks it, or maybe tea or coffee or her food (just don't let her see you doing it). Tea and coffee is acidity and it could weaken and degrade some meds. So you may want to ask the her doctor if the meds can be placed in liquid.
I'm not sure sure about sodas either. Some can be taken with a soda drink, but again there's the chance of maybe weakening the meds.

My own mother recently accused me of "trying to kill her." She was having trouble with constipation and I was suggesting different things she might be able to try, and she doesn't even appear to have dementia and still lives alone. Although I have begun to notice a few warning signs of possibly early stages of dementia. The thing is, she sometimes say things to my other siblings on the occasion they decide to stop by her place or call and they, not being around to see those 'empty moments' in her eyes or mind briefly wandering off, they don't see what I see because I'm around her more they might take her at her word. So they take her at her word. I thought she was joking, but realized she wasn't when I looked up and saw she was serious.
Now if I take something over I've cooked for the day I eat some of it in front of her. Sometimes she'll still refuse it though. But since she still cooks her own food mostly, I'll just sit there eat what I took over hopefully so she won't think there was anything in the food or I'll take it back home.
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Reply to Iambe1612
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Theras Nov 21, 2019
Unfortunately my mother thinks the food is poison too and says she's on a starvation diet. The staff has tried putting some meds in food. She won't drink milk or Ensure or Boost. Will ask about which ones can be crushed.....if she will only eat. Thank you.
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Have her tested again for the UTI to make sure it was cleared up. My mother had recurring ones.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Theras Nov 21, 2019
Will talk with staff about that but I really think it's the medicine she's missing because she's really perked up physically. Thanks.
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