When getting your nails done isn't enough. I'm really starting to worry about my own mental health. I wake up every morning on the verge of tears - a lot of times I have tears running down my face while pouring my first cup of coffee. My mom is my first thought when I open my eyes and my last thought before I fall asleep. Then I wake frequently thinking of...wait for it...mom. EVERY time the phone rings my stomach clenches up, sometimes to the point of getting sick. I tried giving my mom her own ring tone or even a seperate line to call but often where she lives call from her room or she gives the seperate number out so that doesn't work. If I just don't pick up then I worry about what bomb is waiting for me on the message. Last night one of my moms old friends called - we had to move mom - again - last Monday and the friend wanted to see how mom is. The friend was so kind - asked me how I was doing, said I was a wonderful daughter for all I did - things I haven't heard from my own mom in years. From mom I get nothing but meaness. And yes - I know it's the disease but repeating that montra just doesn't help anymore. Because I have an adult son with severe autism living at home getting away isn't an option. And frankly "carving out me time" is so difficult and stressful it can make things worst. I just want to go ONE DAY without my phone ringing, without having to talk to her doctor, her pt, where she lives...her,her,her! Short of running away from home, I don't know what to do. I want to clean my own house, go to the store without picking up something for her. I want to be more of a wife than the tired, drained bitch my husband comes home to - he wants that too, I'm sure.