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I had a very good experience with the visiting RN who checked out my mom today. She answered all of our many questions and is taking immediate action in ordering the supplies I need (told me to stop paying out of my pocket). She was also kind, but firm with my mom. It's something I have to learn. Mom has a pressure ulcer on her hip, she agravates it every night getting into bed and sleeping on it, so it's not healing. It's now a deep tissue wound. She put in an order for a hospital bed, which I will keep in the LR. My mom won't like it, but tough. My mom has to make adjustments, and she's not good at change. I just have to stay firm, it's hard when it's your LO. Forget the fussing with Depends, just use a pad in her panties for her urinary incontinence. I learned more how to care for my mom in 2 hours than any visit to her PCP. The nurse scheduled a few more weeks of visiting nurses to keep an eye on her. As caregivers, we all know what a grueling task it is. I now feel more confident than ever before in the 4 months since I undertook this challenge. I pray that everyone in this community finds that special medical specialist that does for you what this nurse did for me.

CTYankeeinOR: Nurses are trained to be compassionate medical professionals. Their value is beyond measure.💎
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Dosmo13 Aug 9, 2021
Often patients will accept being told by a nurse what they will not accept from a family member...even if it is exactly the same thing! As a former nurse of many years, I've seen this often. It is important for the nurse and care-givers to be on the same page. Together the nurse and family care-givers can form an effective team in the care of a sometimes difficult family member.

When it comes to actual hands-on patient care, nurses usually learn more by experience than from classroom instruction, So. if you can, choose a nurse who is a bit older and not a new graduate (new graduates have valuable up-to-date information, but may have little knowledge of the tried-and-true). Nothing beats experience.
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Thank you for this wonderful post. It's a much needed "Win" with a positive focus.

My mom has home health and God blessed us to get a new RN who is a wealth of information and also kind, but firm when needed with my mom. He's given me so many useful tips that actually work for her feeding tube and helped us understand more about why she experiences some of the issues that she does. Some have solutions and some don't, but at least we understand why they are happening.

He relates well with her and also with me. He understands both our points of view and helps me be more empathetic while also acknowledging my challenges as the family caregiver.

Yes, a good care professional IS worth their weight in gold. After his first visit I called the agency and requested he be her permanent nurse which he now is!
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CTYankeeinOR Aug 8, 2021
Thank you so much for your kind reply. We all have to stay positive through these very trying times. I have 2 choices, accept my situation for what it is, or fall into despair which doesn't do anyone any good. I choose the former.
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ANY good one will answer a few questions.

One thing I have to point out is a Hospital bed is very uncomfortable, even with an extra pad I bought.
You should try sleeping in it yourself before you make your mom.
My 97 yr old Dad has been sleeping in a nice electric recliner once his bed was harder fir him to get in and out and he prefers his recliner to his bed. He now only uses his bed to lay in while they change his Cathiter and while he he gets his bed baths.
He has gotten bed sores a couple times and it takes awhile like a month but they will go away.

Apply Butt Paste to the sore twice a day, AM and PM.

Do Not have her wear Diapers!

Let her only wear 100% Cotton undies, shorts, long pants, pajamas.

Let her continue to sleep in her bed but have extra pillows so she can sleep on the side without the sore.
Also, have the Nurse show you the easy way to move her while she's in bed by having her lay on a folded sheet that is used to move her which is on top of her regular bed sheet.

Also, you can Google most anything.

Remember, There Are No Dumb Questions.

Prayers
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Reply to bevthegreat
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CTYankeeinOR Aug 8, 2021
Thank you for your post. I tried all those things, but mom won't let me. She doesn't like the pillow idea and won't use it, nor the bed slide. She has a very hard time making the transfer from her chair to commode or wheelchair. I've had to resort to a bedpan which is even more uncomfortable. She won't let me pick her up or touch her in any way. If I try, I get an hour long of cussing, screaming, and general mayhem. She has little trouble making the transfers from her bed. Part of the problem may be her walker is too high, I have a PT coming tomorrow and I'll see how that goes. I need a Jr walker, but when her legs don't move, they don't. The powered recliner doesn't help much either. I'm really trying my best to stay calm and positive. It's a very delicate balance, and I'm sure the anger and frustration isn't doing her fragile heart much good. Every situation is different and what works for one, may not work for the other. Your thoughts are appreciated however, I meant no offense. I'm just trying to figure things out.
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Nurses definitely Rule! It's the nurse at the bedside who sees what the patient needs and finds ways to solve problems and alleviate symptoms.
Love and Gratitude to all of you who are caring Nursrs.
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Reply to RedVanAnnie
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It sounds like your mom is receiving Home Health Care with a visiting nurse. It is great that you found a nurse a that is so helpful and is teaching you. Bedsore treatment sometimes is more an art than a science. If the nurse has not ordered them ask her to order Mepilex dressings and Medihoney dressing cream for your mom. These items will speed the healing of her hip wound. If mom’s incontinence is getting the hip wound wet, then you may have to have mom get a urinary catheter. It is important to keep the wound dry. Also, the nurse should also get a gel pad or air mattress for the hospital bed to help heal the wound and prevent new ones from developing. The bottom line is that you need to get any pressure off the wound as much as possible. Lastly, bedsore wounds take time. Check the wound daily. Watch the healing progress. If it deteriorates you need to report it to nurse ASAP. Mom needs protein too.
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Reply to Ricky6
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I agree with you. Nurses, for the most part, are more in tune with the patients than doctors are. Someone told me once that if you are looking for a new doctor, ask a nurse who they would entrust their parent to.
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Reply to graygrammie
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Absolutely! A good nurse is there weight in gold! Nurses are our best friends in the medical field.

They do the heavy lifting. Often times, they are easier to speak with and explain the situation more clearly.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I love how much this one Angel brought to not just mom but to you!!!

I have I have learned most of what I know from the ones in the beginning who let me help and showed me the way! I make sure I tell them over and over - even moms PT OT Speech etc - I want them to know what a gift they are not just to me or mom but to the world - they need to hear this!

My in home nurses - wound care and therapies are the reason I am still able to give mom quality care - The good ones really are the superhero’s of the world in my eyes 😊

I love hearing these stories - thank you for sharing - 🌷
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Reply to Momheal1
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I learned the value of nurses when I was in the hospital having my kids and the maternity nurse fought my doctor to keep me in the hospital an extra night. She lost that battle, but she called him an SOB as he walked out the door, and I loved her for it.

My mother's hospice nurse went to school for two years to get her degree, and she did more for my mother's health in the last six months than her doctors did for her in the past seven years. She was truly an angel, and she took both my mother and me under her wing. She knew early on in my mom's hospice experience that I was able to handle gruesome details, and she invited me to be there when she visited my mother and dressed the wounds on her legs and her pressure sore. (I REALLY hope your mother's sore heals, because my mom's never did and she had it for seven months. It's a horrific thing if it gets deep.)

Anyone who's good at science can become a doctor, but it takes a special type of person to become a nurse and no amount of school can teach compassion if it isn't already in that person's makeup.
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jacobsonbob Aug 8, 2021
The nurses are the ones who have the extensive contact with patients, so they have a type of practical experience most doctors are unlikely to have.
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Great news!

So very happy that you have an ally in your caregiving.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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My Husband was on Hospice for 3 years.
The Nurse, CNA and other professional staff that came weekly, and the CNA 2 to 3 times a week were amazing.
I got the supplies I needed, the equipment that I needed, the education, support that allowed me to keep him at home and care for him in a safe way.
Yes they are angels.
As with all people there are some better than others and I am glad you got one of the angels.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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This is how the Visiting Nurses were when I worked as the secretary. If they didn't have an answer they found out. We also kept info on resources in our County to give out.

Anyone working in the nursing profession should be there because they care and want to do the best for their patient. But said to say, its not always this way. Its a profession that pays very well and I think some are in the profession because of that.
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Judy1947 Aug 7, 2021
I am not sure what nurses's salaries you are talking about. I worked as a hospital nurse for 38 years and the salary was never what kept me in the job that I loved. The nurses who wanted money never stayed in nursing but became realtors and other professions.
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So glad you got some sound advice and direction. Very true that we often fall into being too accommodating with those we care for, an outside voice can help with adjusting to being firm while still kind. My dad had some excellent nursing care last summer and I learned a lot from them, and will always be grateful for their kindness and wisdom. My daughter is an RN now, and says she was taught to be the kind of nurse you’d want if you were the patient. Excellent motto to keep
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