Caring for Mom is wearing me down. Over the last 10 years I got on a good exercise program, changed my eating habits and lost 40 lbs. Two years ago I further altered my diet, cutting out sugar and most carbs. I lost another 10 lbs. I felt great, had more strength and energy than I had in years.
Now I have been tag teaming with my sister, caring for our Mom. Sis lives in the same town as Mom; I live 900 miles away. As Mom continued to decline mentally and physically, I made more frequent and longer trips to be with her. While she has not been diagnosed with dementia (is very good at "show timing" at the doctor's office), she is VERY particular, is angry that I won't move my family to be with her, insists on controlling every aspect of her life, even though her cognitive abilities are rapidly declining. She can't figure out how to balance her checkbook, but refuses to let us do it because she was a bookkeeper. Also has virtually no short term memory and thus believes we are keeping things from her, even though we repeat things over and over. Her food has to be prepared just so or she makes a face or says something disparaging - very passive/aggressive. Her latest obsession is being convinced there are bugs in her food, as we did recently have some fruit flies. Those are all gone now, but her eyes are bad and she now inspects all her food and any dark crumb, seed or flake of parsley she sees as moving and therefore is a bug. Convincing her there are no bugs is just the latest exhausting aspect of her care.
So, not only am I not able to exercise like I used to (Mom cannot be left alone for any length of time), now I find myself eating comfort food, because it it the only thing in my day that makes me feel good. Potatoes, bread, cookies, candy, pasta - all the things I had eliminated from my diet. I am gaining weight, getting depressed and angry with myself for not having more discipline. Is anyone else experiencing this? How can I regain that discipline and positive outlook I used to have?