I can't seem to get my Mom to understand that name calling is not appropriate. Is there any way to stop this?

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I am confused and mad. I can't seem to get my Mom to understand that name calling is not appropriate. I have asked her not to and it's bad. My Mom move in with my husband and myself. She is so sweet to my husband but as soon as he leaves the names start. Very nasty names. They are so bad I don't want say them.. Is there any way to stop this?

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Remove yourself from the name calling when it starts, not in anger, but gently. "Mom, I can't listen to this talk. I'm leaving the room now but I'll be back soon." Repeat as often as necessary.

Unlike JessieBelle I do not believe this will "teach" your mother anything. But if it does, hey, wonderful -- let us know all about it! But it will help minimize that particular stress as you care for your mother.

You do not deserve to be treated this way. Mother does not deserve to have her brain so damaged she cannot behave appropriately. Keep in mind that this is not about what is "fair." If fairness prevailed neither of you would be in this situation.

If you have a chance to do some reading about dementia, to watch some Teepa Snow videos, or to attend any dementia seminars, that might go a long way toward helping you accept that this is a product of a damaged brain and it really isn't about you at all.
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evak, I would tell her that we would talk when she was in a better mood, then walk away. You don't have to listen to that. She treats your husband well, so you know she knows how to behave. She is just choosing not to do it with you. Dementia is not an excuse for all bad behavior, particularly when they choose to show their a$$ to only one person. If she knows you won't tolerate it, maybe she will stop.
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It helped me to think of my dad as in two phases - before Alz, and after Alz. Before, he was kind, gentle, funny. After, he could be angry, combative, contrary and yes, he swore more. His illness taught me about not sweating the little stuff, rolling with the changes that illness brings. I think sometimes when people feel the most vulnerable, we lash out at those closest to us. Maybe we feel secure in their love and know they will be with us regardless.
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evak67, it's the Alzheimer's/dementia doing the talking.... unfortunately there is nothing you can do to change it... hopefully the name calling is just a phase and will stop after awhile.
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I didn't want to say the words. It's the B#%#& and ass$%$^&% the newest on is Hitler and on and on. I understand the childish behavior but she was a RN and I think it's only directed at me because my Husband can do no wrong.
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Eva, is your mom verbally abusing you? Is she just name calling (you b $$$$$, you're such a j^^^^a@@,etc) or is she accusing you of doing bad things? Have you discussed her behavior with her doctor? Is she on any behavioral meds? Sorry for all the questiins; I don't think I have a clear picture of what is going on.
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Eva, sad to say this, but you just cannot teach or reason with someone with dementia. As you have found out, you can try but without success.

It is a disease that eats away at the brain. She may not even realize that she is saying anything inappropriate. However, she may enjoy the reaction she gets from you. I have known sweet little ladies who wind up swearing like sailors in their old age. So sad.

If this is a new development, you might ask the doctor about an anti-anxiety med or perhaps check for UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). Best Wishes!
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