Any Tricks, Ideas For Anxiety / Getting them to try meds?

He does realize he has a problem. He does know that the meds can help. Otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to take them at any point; and as you say he himself has stated that the Zoloft did take the edge off.

So I don't really see that there's anything left to tell him that he doesn't already know. If anyone is to be more prescriptive about the instructions maybe it should be his doctor: "If you want to feel better, take these. You are likely to experience x, y, z side effects in the short term but those side effects will wear off, so stick with it. Report back to me in six weeks."

Your role is then to be the broken record, repeating "take your meds." Just avoid adding the censorious remarks about his choosing to be miserable! - no matter what your level of frustration, after all it isn't you who suffers if he won't do as he's told, it's him.

We currently have a client who's just had his anxiety medication doubled. Personally I should much have preferred to give him twice as much time and reassurance than twice as much medication; but for one thing we don't *have* twice the time available, for another, the reassurance is not always successful, and most of all I'll be the first to admit that his not being terrified and feeling under attack when it's time to get ready for bed is definitely in his best interests. The meds do work.

I think I replied to you last time. My dad took Zoloft his last few years. He was hugely opposed to any med for “stuff like that” and the only thing that got him taking it was the wording of the doctor who prescribed it. The doc wisely never said anxiety or depression. My dad was incredibly anxious and worried over everything, I definitely feel your Fox News pain, and I’ll raise you the Weather Channel! Each storm was a new worry. He never complained of side effects from the Zoloft. I’ll attribute that to a pill case loaded with it and being taken at the exact same time daily, no variation. I hope your dad will give it another shot and be steady with it. If not, you’ve done all you can and you join the club of so many here in waiting for an event that will happen to force change.

I am going to assume from your name that you live in California? Of course, the CA might be Canada, in which case this advice won't work.
I am shocked at myself for suggesting this, as I worked in Federal Law Enforcement for 34 years. Have you tried medical marijuana? In an edible form? If his PCP is aware of the problem with the Zoloft, he/she might be willing to prescribe marijuana for your dad. Just a thought.

Hi,

I wanted to follow up on this.

My father and I talked today and he agreed he should take something. He said he felt better on it but he doesn't like the side-effects. He also talked to a new friend which seemed to help. And, he's going to have another conversation with his doctor.

So, I'm hopeful.

To be honest, and I think sometimes we forget that this affects us, but I've been listening and dealing with some level of his anxiety and depression for 4 years. My capacity for it just isn't there.

And I get breaks from it. I, honestly, don't know how some of you manage who not only deal with this and the other various parts of aging but do so for years on top of years. I have some distance, space and decent financial resources. It's got to be a nightmare for some.

Anyways, thanks for the replies.

Getting old is a hard business.

The thing is, some people feel like they can fiddle around with medication like it's Tic Tac, taking it for a few days and deciding to ditch it because they get a headache, forgetting that the slight headache is a whole lot better than the crushing anxiety the medication is alleviating. Then they'll go back on the meds again, to 'give them another try', find another slight side-effect, forget about the benefits and focus on the negatives, and back on the hamster wheel you all go again. The goal is to get dad to commit to taking a COURSE of medication for a few MONTHS, not for a few days. To agree to let the chips fall where they may, to let the side effects occur with the hope that the MAIN issue gets rectified. To keep his eyes on the prize which is general relief from major anxiety and misery.

Part of OCD is feeling the need TO focus on the slight details of every single thing that occurs in life. They can't see the forest through the trees as a result. So your dad cannot see the benefit of the Zoloft b/c he's too busy focusing on the headache he had and needs to find a way to get rid of IT. He can't get off of the hamster wheel until & unless his doctor has him commit to a solid regimen for a decent length of time, period. I don't know if you can get that fact across to him; THAT will be your goal, and maybe something you can convey to his doctor.

I feel your frustration. People with high anxiety & OCD tendencies are extremely difficult to deal with, I know. My mother is 94 and has moderately advanced dementia. I just had a 'conversation' with her where I tried (futilely) to talk her off the ledge she was on b/c she'd gone to dinner with some 'old ladies' who had ramped her up something fierce. Instead of wheeling herself away & going back to her room, she stayed with them and was SO anxiety ridden by the time I had called her that she was talking about wanting to die, and had 'peed herself'. I can't tell you how frustrated this makes ME because we have this talk continuously about how she should just stay AWAY from certain situations, but she just won't. Dementia is at play here, along with chronic and intense anxiety/OCD, so it just makes matters 1000% worse. She's on enough anti-depressants to calm down 10 people, yet it's like she takes a placebo. For some people, there ain't no pill on earth gonna help 'em.

Wishing you (and me) the best of luck dealing with very difficult people.

My aunt, almost 92 sounds a lot like your dad. She has had a tough year with the social distancing and recently ended up in the hospital with chest pain, which turned out to be acid reflux. She is also highly anxious, listens to nonstop news, lives alone and refuses to consider moving to assisted living. She saw the neurologist recently and he suggested trying Lexapro, “for anxiety and help with short term memory”. It’s a very low dose to start but she hasn’t had any side effects yet. Telling her it will help with short term memory has been helpful to get her on board with taking something, since she knows she has a problem there and her anxiety affects her ability to focus her attention. I set up her pill boxes two weeks at a time now, put the pill in with everything else and so far, so good. It takes awhile to see any differences but I am hopeful.

My DH takes Zoloft and thinks he doesn't need it (oh, my, yes he does,. and probably a kicker for anxiety too!) He thinks I don't know that he'll often try to go off it on his own...nobody knows he takes it and nobody really 'cares' but to him, AD's are for the weak (women) and he hates that that it really, really helps. Am I making sense??

He went on it b/c I said he HAD to do something to help his anger problems and mood swings. Zoloft works and works well.

We're at the point in our marriage where we're sick of each other and he has been working his incredibly stressful job from home for the past year. EVERYTHING I DO is annoying to him and he'll start in after lunch with small snarky comments and by dinner I am so sick of him I want to scream. He ALSO won't wear his h/a's so he's shouting all day long at the computer and his online co-workers. He'll seek me out and yell 'to' me when things aren't working at work and I can't help him--but I also can't take his anger/frustration.

He's also addicted to FoxNews and has it on the TV all day long. He's only 69, but has gotten worse over the year--he's talking of retiring, but he hasn't made any moves in that direction, so I hope he stays for one more year. We need him to be back in the office and traveling. We need a plan for him to retire, or else he'll never get out of bed again.

I feel your pain--I have not gone the route of grinding up the Zoloft into food (for one thing, it's really nasty) but I have counted pills and called him out when he's super grouchy and made sure he knows he NEEDS to take this med.

Your relationship is different as it's your dad. I would not be so invested in my dad. But my DH, I have to live with.

Until they become AWARE that they NEED these meds to supply the chemical that their brains no longer NEED...they will not take them willingly nor consistently.

I hated being 'the bad guy'. But one thing that saved me was when my SIL had to be on something while he was doing his fellowship in Transplant medicine. He was on an AD for a couple years. I would not normally have shared that with my DH, but b/c he respects my brilliant SIL, he went 'so Joe takes AD's? Really?' and it changed everything.

Good Luck. I am on 2 meds just so I can live with DH w/o having daily meltdowns. Stupid when you have to medicate so you can live with the one person you should want to be with the most. But it is what it is.

My mother takes ativan every 8 hrs and a seroquel at bedtime - she is still anxious.
I resumes half a 37.5 effexor every morning and that helps. But the real Godsend is Rescue remedy lozenges. Get them on Amazon - I've used them for years, even with my cats. No side effects.

Try hydroxazine. It’s a first phase antihistamine like Benadryl . My husband started experienceing anxiety and sleeplessness that was causing me all issues. Everything we tried ie ativan etc made him worse. This saved his life. The only thing that works to ease his anxiety and helps him sleep with no bad side effects. He can’t take benedryl as it causes mental issues. Too much synemet over tie can do the same. Hydroxazine is pretty benign.

someguyinca: With his choice of (mainly) managing these medications on his own, e.g. stopping, he is not going to get the benefit that the medication will HAVE to offer if only he gives it a chance. He does know that he needed and asked for the medication, but he cannot, nor should not, be removing himself from them. His physician needs to be notified.