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Mom has early dementia and lives in India in assisted living housing. She has 2 aides and is generally cared for 24/7. Mom keeps telling me no one visits her and she is all by herself. I keep reminding her that the aide is sitting next to her and she does go for walks outside and attends (rare) events at the senior center. Then mom will say 'sorry...I forgot"


However, I think mom misses being around her children's family and the daily bustle that happens around a household. Also, the other senior members are younger and more fit than mom and do not visit her at all. Relatives in that same city stop by but mom forgets about their visits.


I have been urging mom to go eat in the main dining hall so that she can be around other people but she refuses. She says everyone eats faster and she cannot keep up with the conversation. So she eats her meals alone in her house, with the aide next to her.


Mom stayed with me her with for 4 months last year and I was exhausted with the caregiving and constant repetition. I am not in a mood to bring her back again here.


My phone conversations are now shorter. Mom does not tell me what's going on there and I have to do all the talking. I call her twice a day and it's more to just check on her .


She watches TV, reads the local paper a little bit and then just sits on the sofa till its time for her walk/meals.


I am doing my best to relieve her monotony from here but she forgets everything and says no one's around her...


So what else should I be doing???? Thank you

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Thank you all - it's a long journey and never in a million years, I thought mom'd
get dementia. It's cruel fate that mom's both kids are in other countries.....deep sigh....
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Please, do not bring Mom back to the states. Seems like she is declining little by little. At this point changing her environment will just make her confused. She will eventually be incontinent. Can't fly her over when she is like that. You are doing what you can. She may never be happy. Her life is changing and she doesn't know why.

I thought the whole purpose in sending her back was because she wanted to be near her son and grandchildren. What happened there?
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wren9184 May 11, 2019
JoAnn, my brother is overseas in another country and will not have mom move in with him anytime soon. Im the one doing all the daily checks and monitoring the aides coming etc.
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I am so sorry that you continue to suffer with these concerns. Have you reread our answers from your previous posts? There’s a lot of good info there that, should you take the advice we offered, might prove to be helpful to you.
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wren9184 May 11, 2019
Yes, I do reread previous posts. I guess the guilt is making me sound like a broken record....all the elders in my family are with their kids. My mom is the only one living alone and with "strangers" (aides). This really bothers me and yet I don't have the will to move her in with me... t
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My great aunt always told her daughter that no one ever came to visit her, the problem was that she didn't remember from one minute to the next. So we just said we'll get people to come visit. Then she seemed fine.

Can the aids help her participate in activities at the facility? Can they do things with her to fill her time?

There is not a thing that can change the fact that her brain is broken and her world isn't reality, no matter where or what is done she will perceive it from a broken brain.

Try calling less frequently so she has something to say. Once a day and go from there.

It's not an easy journey, hugs!
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wren9184 May 11, 2019
Mom's senior center is not like the American model where there is an activities director and buses going to mall etc. It's just a safe place where these elder people have their own peers...that's all...

Yes, the daytime aide can do stuff with mom.....
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