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I have caregivers seven days a week for my parents who live with me. I do a lot of things for my parents. But lately I feel really angry especially with my mother who is very negative and complains about everything. The first thing in the morning after I say good morning I hear a litany of complaints. I know I should just listen and let it go and try to look into what is bothering her. But I don't like negativity first thing in the morning it just spoils the rest of my day. She used to be like this when she was well too. The minute I came home from work, I didn't even have my coat off, and the list of problems began. I told her then to hold off telling me things until I got settled. Of course she never listened. When she wants something, she wants it now. How can I get in a better frame of mind?

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Rosses has a point. We can't count on people to change their behavior, all we can do is change ours so we're not as bothered by other people's behavior as much.

Your question was about how to relieve stress and anger and again I go back to what Rosses said: do some things for yourself. "Self care" is not a luxury, it's a necessity. Take a walk, curl up with a good book, see friends for lunch or dinner. Have a life outside of your parent's lives. I'm not talking a 10-day cruise or a trip around the world. It's the little things that I mentioned above.

The more you fill your life with positive things and positive people the less likely you are to be as stressed out by your mom's complaints.

If your mom doesn't have dementia then I would urge you to discuss her incessant complaining. She may not be aware of it. Have a discussion where you tell her that you don't want to be assaulted with complaints first thing in the morning or the first thing after you get home from work. Give her a chance to correct the behavior. Naturally, this won't work if your mom does have dementia.

Work on doing things for yourself.
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Dear Demstress,

Thinking about positivity, let’s look at some positive aspects of the situation:
*You get to go to work! That means you get a break :)
*Your mom complains, that means she’s not ill to the point of not being able to complain.
*And, very importantly, and this can be a pro and a con, your mom was like this all her life, so no surprises, and more so, you know what to expect down the road. The pro here is you know she doesn’t have a healthy mind or healthy personality. She’s not doing it “to you” nor to hurt you. She just cannot help it.

Im exactly on your same boat..and sometimes drowning, but you’ve got to find any source of positivism you can find. That means finding time for you, and to get yourself involved in something that you are really invested in. For example, I love design and creativity; so I started an idea, a project where I design furniture and have it made, and I also design the pillows, choose the fabrics, etc. I’m doing this as a way to create an income source as I’m overseas and devoted full time to take care of my mother, but also as a way to give myself and my mind an opportunity to breath! Getting into a project like that gives my life more sense and hope. It helps preserve my sanity.

The more you’ve time to feel miserable the more you’ll, in actuality, be miserable.

Same goes for your mom, the more she allowes herself to be focused on her reasons to complain, the more she will find more reasons to complain! And they might be absolutely valid reasons, but if you occupy your mind on other things you even start not paying attention to all your ailments or sadness and conflicts.
Can she see a therapist? A therapist might help her realize her situation.
Helping her will help you!!

Of course if you exercise, go out to eat or anything else with your friends, go shopping, or any happy and rewarding activities will, for sure, help you. In a nutshell YOU are the key. Expand your life and darkness will loose its way! ;)
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