Any suggestions on struggling with the decision to place husband in a nursing home?

Thank you all for the good advice. He will be entering a NH on Nov 13. Stripping away my emotions , I truly believe a NH will do more for him at this point than I can. I am letting go after 54 years.

I feel you have made the right decision. I just read that aggression is a symptom. He could hurt you unknowingly. My daughter was punched in the head by a patient with LB when she bent down to check a wound. She asked the woman why she did it and she didn't know.

I had to place my Mom because the money was running out. Because she was further away, I chose to visit every other day. Since the residents always looked clean I allowed them to do her laundry. I used their doctor. They had eye doctors, dentists and podiatrists that visited the facility. Activities all the time. They supply their toiletries and Depends. So no more shopping in that respect. I just visited.

Now, time for you to have some time to yourself. Please don't feel guilty. Neither you or your husband did anything to make this happen. Enjoy what you have left of your life. He is in his own little world now (my daughters words). You need to enjoy yours.

You made the right decision, When I decided I can no longer take care of my mother I had to make that decision. I am a only child so I have no siblings to call to say help me with mom

The good news is, Carol, that when he is in the NH, you can visit him and maybe even have fun together (after he adjusts, which can take several weeks or so), instead of trying to watch and care for him all the time. God bless you for doing the best you can for him.....

Thank you. Today I made a difficult decision. My 81 year husband will be placed in a skilled nursing facility sometime in the next two weeks. It became clear a nursing home can do more for him than I can especially as his Lewy body dementia progresses. Thanks for your response.

We can offer suggestions and experiences, but the only ones who can make the decision are you and your family. You don’t give many details on what the situation is. How old is he? How old are you? How far advanced is the disease? Is he an easy going fellow or does he tend to be controlling and demanding? Do you have reliable and frequent help with his care? Is your home handicap accessible and if not, do you have the funds to make it so? How is your own health? If you keep him at home, can you physically handle his needs? Are you emotionally and mentally able to handle what comes down the road?

Unfortunately, as we’ve said before, there is no reverse gear on dementia. His disease will only get worse. If you research the other posts by caregivers on this site, you’ll see that sometimes those who go into it with the best of loving intentions can wind up on the edge of a breakdown. Keep in mind that at a facility, your husband will have three shifts of caregivers, around the clock.

Placing him in a facility takes planning. How to pay, filing for Medicaid, touring facilities, Speaking with his doctor for guidance isn’t a bad idea either.

Good luck and come come back with updates.