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She has been living with us for 8 weeks today, and will be for at least another 60 days. (She FINALLY signed the waiting list for an assisted living place!) She knows she has some incontinence issues but I don't think she wants to admit they are as bad as they are. She wears those always "underwear" which I've told my husband are not sturdy enough. She doesn't go to the bathroom to pee or change her "drawers" near enough. So, even with a waterproof pad (like a crib pad) and 2 thick towels on the couch where she sits, our couch has been peed on several times. Our cushions are NOT removable. Spray that is made for pet urine is not cutting it, either is vinegar and water. The other morning I noticed the towels were damp and stinky when I went to straighten them out before I left for work. So, of course I was late to work cleaning it up and throwing stuff in the laundry. (and this is a whole other issue--I am doing 90% of this caregiving for my husband's mom!) My husband did talk to her about it. She DID know she did it, but yet did not remove the wet towels from the couch. So the wet towels were somewhat soaked up by the back of the couch!! This is just one of the many pee issues I have. She lives with us because of physical/mobility issues and has nothing wrong with her mind. I know it must be difficult to admit and accept the incontinence issues but she's perfectly capable to remove wet items from the couch. We can't afford a new couch. I'm sick of my house smelling like pee! My husband talks to her about this but i dont think she takes it seriously and he doesn't remind her. He told her whether she feels she has to or not, to get up to use the bathroom every 2-3 hours and change her drawers even if only damp. That will help with cutting down in recurrent UTIs as well. I'm ready to wrap my whole couch up in heavy duty tarps! But then I'd have to do that to all the furniture because apparently she couldn't get the dog off her spot on the couch and sat on the loveseat instead, which has no pad or towels on, and my husband and I specifically said to please not sit there and left dog treats our for her to get him off the couch (he would move with the command off but I guess that's too much for her to say). How can I protect my couch? Like I said, cushions are not removable and the waterproof pads on the seat are not enough any longer since the pee is on the back cushions now too. Any ideas short of the plastic that used to cover furniture like at my great-grandma's? Thank you so much for any help!!!!

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Sewing shops & fabric section at discount stores (Walmart) will have flexible vinyl cover to place over the sofa and chairs that are not yet ruined. Be sure to tuck the plastic with an upward fold in the cushion seams or even run it up the sides a bit to catch drips. It's unlikely that you will be able to get the stink out of the sofa. There are disposable plastic backed underpads we used to save the car, chux pads, even with the Depends.

If you have trouble with her agreeing to wear depends, throw out panties and put these in their place. Put some in the bathroom in arms' reach as well as some small bags to tie up the stinky ones. Don't ask permission, just do it. Your house, your rules.

Stop depending on your husband to do anything: He's shown you how much he will do. COver the things that are not ruined, and throw out the sofa when she leaves, even if you can't afford another. Don't stress about the level she's assigned at the home as she will be safer there than anywhere else and they will see what she needs. Don't agree for her to return to your home for anything.
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My husband refuses to accept that she has mental decline. He said that she uses so many muscles to get up that she leaks urine in a gush. I strongly disagree and say then she needs diapers and not this incontinence underwear crap. Her drawers must have to already have to be soaked for her to have an "accident" and how can she not tell she's wet?

I feel like I mention so much it's like I'm rubbing it in his face that his mom has issues. That is so not my intention. My intention is to not have ruined furniture and a house that smells like urine!
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You're right, I don't care what it looks like, but what it smells like, which ain't good!
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My grandma stayed with my parents when I was a kid after a car accident which injured her leg. She peed on the bed mattress until finally, after grandma was able to move back to her own house, everything made of fabric in the bedroom had to be burned. We never got the pee smell out. It’s horrible. You’ll have to afford a couch because the one you have is ruined. Maybe your MIL would like to buy you a new sofa and love seat set for your hospitality for THREE MONTHS. And your MIL has a mild dementia or she wouldn’t pee all over the place!!!
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I would have tarped it long ago. If you want it to be prettier that's why there are couch slipcovers.
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How about an insert inside the protective knickers? Tena Lady, in a whole variety of strengths. Night time one sounds good? Can she not smell it? Probably not. If something smells long enough, she is most likely used to it. I would tell your husband to get a new couch after she has gone. If she doesn't go, lots of air spray and the cleaning produce suggested already. Good Luck and hugs
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I suggest to her to go to the bathroom every 3 hours when I'm home. She says she doesn't have to. I say even to change drawers so they are fresh so it doesn't contribute to another UTI. No go. I text my husband who is usually in the same room to remind her to go (especially if she's already up moving) and he rarely follows through!! It's not like she needs to save money by using less drawers, she's loaded. Maybe I need to suggest to my husband that she could buy us a new couch! It's so maddening!

My husband doesn't think it has anything to do with mental decline. He thinks it's part acceptance, part stubbornness and part physical because she has pain getting up and moving around.

My husband will not schedule a neuropsych evaluation and even if he did, she'd refuse to go or cooperate.
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You REALLY need to schedule her for a neuropsych evaluation as soon as you can. I'm suspecting that there is some dementia in play here and getting her diagnosed, and getting a Needs Assessment will open the door to a proper placement.

The fact that she can tell you where she is and who the President is does not mean that she doesn't have dementia. She needs testing to look at her reasoning abilities.
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Probably too late for the couch. Try to rescue the bed. Get a 6-sided waterproof (not water resistant) cover for the mattress. For other furniture, put WATERPROOF covers on them too.

Always and Depends are lightweights. Go for Abena Abri-flex. Not cheap, but worth it. But she still has to change them. Probably 3 per 24 hour period. And if she's sitting in the current ones with urine in them, you need to worry about skin breakdown and skin ulcers.
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Jex, sadly it is too late for the sofa :( I also found those pet urine sprays don't work, either. I had elder pets that had accidents on rugs and found a product called Method French Lavender all purpose cleaner did help.

One thing to try are different brands of Depend type products until you find one that works for Mom. Check around the internet for those companies that sell a lot of different brands.

It could be Mom's Depend type garment size is too small thus she can't pull the pants all the way up herself, thus the pants would probably leak out from the back. My Dad had that issue, and it was his caregiver who suggested a larger size which did work better.

Other caregivers had taken their love one to the bathroom every couple of hours whether the client wanted to go into the bathroom or not. Take Mom in, and turn on the water in the sink, for some strange reason that sound of running water will make just about anyone want to go :) It does for me.

How comfortable would your hubby be taking his Mom to the bathroom? Sounds like Mom can manage once she is there. And don't forget to the turn on the sink to a very slow run.
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She refuses to use anything but those Always brand underwear. My husband bought stronger ones, I believe the depends brand. I suppose when the Always is out she will have to use those, because she can't get anywhere to buy anything else, but I wouldn't doubt she would just use absolutely nothing then because like I said, she hasn't or won't accept that she has incontinence issues.

As for the cognitive decline, I see a tad bit of decline more than just "old person forgetfulness ". But, my husband doesn't see it. And that is a whole other issue. Is the neuropsych testing the same as the evaluation they will give her at the assisted living place to see what level care she needs? (there are 3 tiers of care at this place) She has already stated her objections to that evaluation (good lord help me). Even though I do more than half of the work, my husband is having a hard time accepting seeing his once very independent mother decline. I have to tread lightly. I'm so burnt out already.
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Why do you think there is nothing wrong with her mind? Has she had the 6 hours of neuropsych testing that tells you if a person has cognitive decline? Think about how to get that part done......


Remove her "underwear" from her dresser. Replace with adult protective garments. This is a non-negotiable. Just do it.
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