Any suggestions on how to help with the boredom?

It might be a good idea to stop thinking and talking about your parents as a unit, rather than as individuals. The reality is that one will probably die before the other, and the survivor will have to make a new life on their own. Doing everything together makes this much more difficult to achieve. If you can get your father to take up a new activity on his own outside the house, this will give your mother more time on her own inside the house to do whatever interests her. If you can get your mother to take up an outside interest, that’s great in itself. If you father really is the problem here, you may well be able to flatter him into ‘putting himself first .. just in case’. Even if neither of them is ‘a problem’, it is still a sensible strategy.

Is she able to do crossword puzzles? Or should I ask is she allowed?

This is sad & close to home. My daughter suggested we go to counseling. I suggested this to my husband & he said we can solve our own problems. My daughter said go alone. Well I wish I had the guts then to do that. Yes we had a lot of good times but I didn't have college degree & had no idea how I'd survive. Now I believe if my daughter said she'd pay & go w me. I'd have gone. So now my husband has alzheimers & takes antidepressant which chgd him from lion to lamb. He shld have been on it years before. I believe the rt counseling could help your mom in becoming herself even tho sad it didn't happen when she was young. I doubt your dad would go but get her free to be herself. Counselor could maybe give you steps to talk about your mom's needs. Then she can enjoy sitting to hear books at least. Maybe you could get soil & pots for her to plant flowers/veg. Get her into Bible study or senior ctr talks. She could help just visiting w lonely people. Make sure always ck no UTIs. Also pay for her counseling so she'll go.

Adult wellness program

I hope that we can all learn from rattled's experiences and try to step in before dad's narcissism ruins mom's live more than it likely has been ruined already.

Yes, the problem is obviously your dad. Having been married to a controlling, narcissistic man I can sympathize with the difficulty your mom faces in reacting to him. Ahmijoy, one needn't wonder why her Mom is afraid to defy him -- that is a classic reaction to a narcissist. :( All the other suggestions offered here are good, but they aren't going to solve the problem that mom is really facing.

I agree with the above post. Red flags went up when you stated your dad wouldn’t like her doing the things she enjoyed. That is a sign of abuse and control. Can you come back and expound on this or are we reading into your statement?

Audio books
Coloring books for adults

When you say she "can't" be on the phone and her husband controls what she does, she is in an abusive relationship. Sit down and evaluate how long this has been going on. If is has been going on for a long time and she won't do anything about it, there isn't much you are going to be able to do. You might call some abusive/domestic violence hotlines, and see how she can get out. She may not want to, if so, your hands are tied.

If it is a new thing, then do what a lot of people have recommended, talk to his doctor, etc.

You might want to check with Visiting Angels. They can drop in daily or every other day. Have easy lunch food available and they’ll fix lunch and sit down and join your parents with conversation. Or, they can drive your mom to the store for groceries, play a simple game with one or both of them. Just knowing someone is stopping by to visit them will give you some peace as well.
I used them for my mom a couple days a week for about 2 hrs. Each visit, and the Visiting Angel vacuumed and dusted and also fixed or brought a snack to eat while they just talked and got to know each other. If you’re ever not thrilled with the person coming, the agency wants to know and they will send someone else.
Aging includes losing interest in the things that were once enjoyed, more difficulty focusing, and less activity means less appetite. Enjoying favorite TV shows and music is sometimes enough to make a nice day for them.
You have a caring heart. God bless you with the wisdom and guidance you need.

A bouquet of options for your mom -
Consider that 'boredom' may be a mask for depression or other psychological, emotional or physical conditions/feelings. She might be feeling confused as her brain isn't working like it used to (none of our brains are-overall).

I would recommend, in addition to audio books, finding volunteer(s) who could spend time with her. Perhaps talking about her life history and someone recording her words - in a journal "bullet style" format would bring back loving-positive memories.

It is not up to you to fill up these holes 'all the time.' It sounds like someone needs to talk to your Dad - while he may not like (nor appreciate) that "mom" - and their lifestyle - needs to be changed from what he is accustomed to - which may be scary for HIM and HIM getting HIS needs met (by her), this is a family dynamic situation.

It is a sad situation - feel that and get those feelings out.

If your parents have a good relationship, your dad can learn (to want to and) how to support your mom where she is now - and what she needs now. It might be harder for her to change than him (?) because she might be used to caring for him and not thinking of her own needs, which women have been conditioned to do - for decades.

It seems worth some focus to involve your dad as he can perhaps be a primary support and encouragement to your mom to do somethings that keep her engaged in her own life. Gena.

nkbk0108  How is it going today?  We would love to hear if you have made any progress with getting a visiting nurse or help with the situation??
Let us know how things go.  If Dad is fighting Dementia, he has his own battles.  If he has always been like this, she is programmed to do what he wants. 
Your Mom needs your support.  God Bless You for Caring!

My sweet mom was in a living hell... my father drank daily and his verbal abuse escalated. Brother and I tried to talk her into staying with me three states away but she insisted that he took care of her, and she was worried that if she left, he’d fall and hurt himself drinking.
as her health declined with a bunch of “ odd symptoms”- unexplained 40lb weight loss, forgetfulness, nausea, unsteadiness... it became difficult to move her away. She passed away in her bed peacefully at 74.
The guilt of not being able to “rescue her” and make her life better is overwhelming at times. After her death 7 months ago, doctors have seen my fathers irrational, adamant, stubborn, and belligerent behavior, and he is now medicated on a strong “chill pill” and off alcohol.)hospital detox after a drunken fall). I should’ve stepped up and taken on my fathers behavioral issues sooner. In the back of my head, I feel like I could’ve made my mom’s life happier, instead of hearing her saying “I’m ready to go whenever God takes me” at 74!!!
Do what you can to step in an corral that behavioral issue of dad’s. Talk to his doctor, have a family intervention, try medication... ANYthing is better than nothing.

Sounds to me like your mother should come stay with you (if you can work it out) and get her away from her husband. Mine was like that, I always had to be doing something he wanted me to do instead of doing what I would like to do. It's like being in hell. When you say she "can't" be on the phone, do you mean he won't let her or she can't hear you? If it's because he gets upset, then all the more reason to get her out of there.

You don't actually need their permission for YOU to talk TO their doctor. Their doctor would need their permission before the doctor could tell you anything, but their doctor can listen -- and can use the information you give.

Definitely a good idea to let the doctor know what's going on. Sometimes that will fill in a picture that the doctor has been concerned about and allow for improved treatment or better diagnosis.

If a pet might be an option, perhaps a cat? Also, how about audio books? There are also lamps that magnify with arms that bend down. Perhaps your dad would accept her doing crafts if she could sell them, give them to a needy charity or hospital, make family holiday gifts, or make something for HIM. How about gardening in pots?

I agree that there are organizations that help the sight-impaired. You might look into what the public library has to offer. They can deliver books and videos to homebound folks. Maybe your parents could watch a movie once in a while?

I also agree that your dad's controlling behavior is unreasonable. Maybe you could begin by talking with his doctor. Do you have permission for their doctors to share information with you? If not, it is probably time to seek permission. Your parents would need to fill out a form with their doctors giving you permission. Also you could seek healthcare Power of Attorney.

Are your parents connected to any social groups, such as a church?

You are right to be concerned. Aging in place can be quite lonely.

Exercise. Daily walks. I mean daily.

Like GA says, I found asking about family history put me and my mom on a good track for quite a while. If you think you’re *not* interested in family history, reconsider! I thought I’d heard it all until I started ‘interviewing’ her. And it gave her something that she could speak knowledgeably about which was good for her as well.

How about music? Some tunes and a playlist from her younger years on a device that she can listen to with ear phones while she is doing her cleaning routine or cooking. Rent some old movies she might like to watch and share on your next visit. If you have an interest in family history, now is a good time to have her talk about her memories. Go over old photos, get names, birthday and death info to start a family tree.
Why can’t she be “on” the phone? A few good phone “visits” with old friends and family could be encouraged and a good way to rekindle those relationships and to plan future meetups or home visits.

is there any volunteer work close by where she could go?
do they still drive?

I don’t think it’s so much boredom as it is your father’s disapproval and controlling your mother. She has to feel trapped that she can’t take time for herself without your father’s unspoken or spoken disapproval. You say he is a stubborn man, so does he insist your mom does nothing but clean and maybe serve him? I’d be a bit concerned about Dad’s mental state. If this is a new behavior, or if it’s gotten worse, he needs to go to his doctor.

I’d wonder why Mom is afraid to defy him and do her own thing. If her eyesight is failing, crocheting may not be an option. Puzzles as well. You say “we”. Are there other sibs or family who could visit and observe what’s going on? Dad may need to have a little one on one counseling from a family member about his treatment of Mom. If he is, as you say, healthy, he should be able to understand that his treatment of Mom stinks and he needs to “back off”.

For Mom, there are organizations for the sight-impaired who offer aides for them. You can google them in your state to see what might help. And, if Mom hasn’t been to an ophthalmologist lately, it’s time for her to go.