Can you give her something else to hold while you remove the pants. Try taking them off when she is in a quiet room, and warm. I am guessing that taking them off makes her fell vulnerable. And the temperature of the room makes her feel cold. Not that she could articulate "vulnerable" but taking your clothes off sort of leaves you exposed. (my "mom" for as long as I knew her would only change in the walk in closet. Looking back now I think she probably would have been diagnosed early on with MCI possibly early onset dementia)
Try to give her , her own clean pull-up to hold and pull at. I babysit and the baby was doing the same thing. I give him his own clean diaper to hold . He loves it .
Wouldn't you hang on tight to your knickers if someone was trying to rip them off you?
1. Show her the clean pair and explain it's time to change. 2. If she says the ones she's got on are fine, remind her how long she's been wearing them - e.g. they've been on all night, I think you'll feel much comfier with a quick freshen-up. 3. Say what you're doing step by step. 4. If you need her to help, offer simple prompts and give her time to follow them. 5. If she begins to resist mid-process, offer reassurance that "we're almost done" and up the pace.
Have you ever worked in patient/client care? When you have a limited amount of time to get numerous tasks done, there can't be all kinds of games and beating around the bush to get a soiled diaper changed.
Now factor on the 'stubbornness' which is likely dementia related. Believe me many times a caregiver has to just force it and change them. You have a good idea about showing her a clean one and telling her it's time to get changed. This often works. Sometimes it doesn't though.
I always say that a person recovers a lot faster and easier from a little bit of neccesary "firmness" (what I call firmness others may call intimidation) then they do from incontinence-related skin breakdown or a UTI. The most important thing is making sure it gets changed.
Regardless of her mental status this can be confusing and emotionally painful for her.
You are trying to simply keep her clean, but this is her most private of private parts, something she was probably taught to always cover and protect and it can feel extremely invasive and even terrifying to have someone literally rip your pants off.
If she was sexually assaulted in the past, unknowingly, you could be uncovering painful personal horrors.
As some writers mentioned, it could be the cold that is making her most upset, (Cold and wet together can make one feel extra chilled). Add the bad smells that are amplified when the pants are removed and it is understandable that she might prefer to be uncomfortable over freezing, chilled and sensing that she is suddenly extra smelly.
She could also feel as if she is being treated in a humiliating manner like a baby or an animal; maybe this makes her feel stupid. unsophisticated or less than human.
Tell her this is a safe place and she should consider herself getting a common and basic spa treatment.
Try putting on soft relaxing music. Use soft warm washcloths.
Always act swiftly and efficiently treat her aged fragile skin with a gentle touch.
Follow up with a “treat” of sorts or try to make sure she feels dignified and valued - a nice conversation, watching a favorite show, or allowing her to help with some task around the home so she feels useful.
You could try using incontinence pads instead of the pull ups. They are much easier to get on and off and you don't have to take off her underwear or pants. They just go on like the ones for your period, but they are more waterproof. They have a strip on the bottom that you pull off and then it sticks to the underwear.
I recommend getting the extra long ones that are very absorbent for at night. But, you could use them anytime. They are also much more comfortable than pull ups or diapers.
Try taking them off when she is in a quiet room, and warm. I am guessing that taking them off makes her fell vulnerable. And the temperature of the room makes her feel cold. Not that she could articulate "vulnerable" but taking your clothes off sort of leaves you exposed. (my "mom" for as long as I knew her would only change in the walk in closet. Looking back now I think she probably would have been diagnosed early on with MCI possibly early onset dementia)
Also in my mom's later months she took comfort in hooding a small teddy bear.
I babysit and the baby was doing the same thing. I give him his own clean diaper to hold . He loves it .
(I'm thinking FALLS RISK 😯)
Or in bed?
Agree - hold a clean pair to *help*.
Or a teddy bear, pillow, rolled up towel. Anything for her to clutch.
"Can you hold this please?"
"Thankyou".
Rip rip.
Roll roll.
All Good.
1. Show her the clean pair and explain it's time to change.
2. If she says the ones she's got on are fine, remind her how long she's been wearing them - e.g. they've been on all night, I think you'll feel much comfier with a quick freshen-up.
3. Say what you're doing step by step.
4. If you need her to help, offer simple prompts and give her time to follow them.
5. If she begins to resist mid-process, offer reassurance that "we're almost done" and up the pace.
Have you ever worked in patient/client care? When you have a limited amount of time to get numerous tasks done, there can't be all kinds of games and beating around the bush to get a soiled diaper changed.
Now factor on the 'stubbornness' which is likely dementia related. Believe me many times a caregiver has to just force it and change them.
You have a good idea about showing her a clean one and telling her it's time to get changed. This often works. Sometimes it doesn't though.
I always say that a person recovers a lot faster and easier from a little bit of neccesary "firmness" (what I call firmness others may call intimidation) then they do from incontinence-related skin breakdown or a UTI.
The most important thing is making sure it gets changed.
You are trying to simply keep her clean, but this is her most private of private parts, something she was probably taught to always cover and protect and it can feel extremely invasive and even terrifying to have someone literally rip your pants off.
If she was sexually assaulted in the past, unknowingly, you could be uncovering painful personal horrors.
As some writers mentioned, it could be the cold that is making her most upset, (Cold and wet together can make one feel extra chilled). Add the bad smells that are amplified when the pants are removed and it is understandable that she might prefer to be uncomfortable over freezing, chilled and sensing that she is suddenly extra smelly.
She could also feel as if she is being treated in a humiliating manner like a baby or an animal; maybe this makes her feel stupid. unsophisticated or less than human.
Tell her this is a safe place and she should consider herself getting a common and basic spa treatment.
Try putting on soft relaxing music. Use soft warm washcloths.
Always act swiftly and efficiently treat her aged fragile skin with a gentle touch.
Follow up with a “treat” of sorts or try to make sure she feels dignified and valued - a nice conversation, watching a favorite show, or allowing her to help with some task around the home so she feels useful.
I recommend getting the extra long ones that are very absorbent for at night. But, you could use them anytime. They are also much more comfortable than pull ups or diapers.
See All Answers