Hi all,
Dear Dad passed on Monday. Like many of us, I promised I’d look after Mum (83 yo).
Even though Dad was in an amazing nursing home, we were there every day as we knew he was declining quickly. When he had a few days left I moved in and slept on the floor. My OH was amazing, he told mum dad only had a few days left as I couldn’t, he would do anything for her.
Today all hell broke loose. I’m the only child and between me and my OH we have done everything and supported her throughout dad's hospital and home stays for the last 9 months and beyond. There’s little acknowledgement. We spent yesterday being shouted at about costs of wakes, sorting out the house, dad's stuff etc. I got tired of it and left; I had to register dad's death anyway. Today my OH rang and said don't worry about coming over today. I rang mum and she asked me what was wrong, I didn’t want to say but she asked, so what could I have done? She had an inclination. When I said you shouted at me all day yesterday and nothing was good enough, all hell broke loose, and now I’m the spawn of satan. Everything I said got twisted. Dad would be heartbroken. I agreed he would have said the kids are trying to help you.
I'm putting it all down to all our ways (there’s a theme) and I feel like rubbish having argued and I don’t think things will ever be the same now.
Has anyone else been through this? How did you handle it?
Any advice is appreciated.
May The Lord give you grieving mercies, peace, comfort and wisdom for this new season.
Everyone has raw nerves right now, so don't beat yourself or your mom up. Give it a couple of days and then restart. It's okay to bump heads and be angry right now, it is part of dealing with loss.
Tensions run high when dealing with the detritus of death. Forgive, come together, laugh and go from there.
I would say Mom was a little overwhelmed which is par for the course. I see nothing wrong when she asked what was wrong, you told her. No one, especially a person that has been there for you, deserves to be hollered at when they are trying to help. Walking away was a good thing. People treat you the way you let them.
Be warned now. Mom is now a widow and may expect more out of you. Since it looks like she doesn't feel she did any wrong, start setting boundries now. Or you will find yourself being at her beck and call.
A question: So prior to your Dad's death, did the two of you get alone like peas in a pod?
Is this new?
Mmmmm….. we got on well but it’s not new; I’ve always feel I don’t do things right and she’ll always say that’s ridiculous and in my head.