I have been taking care of my mom for the last 14+ years. The therapist I took her to didn't offer any help for me. So, I am surviving, but concerned about my own health and mental capacity at this point. I am constantly having to re-adjust my thinking, and behavior to compensate for hers. I won't go into my childhood, but it was bleak. I was awaken at 10:30pm 8/17/25 to her in the guestroom: having knocked over a large glass vase, that shattered and the contents were everywhere. She said she was looking for the bathroom. She has her own personal bathroom right off of her bedroom. Once I got her out of the middle of the broken glass and flowers, she didn't even have to go to the bathroom. She is narcissistic on top of the alzheimers. I am glad that there are others that are sharing their experiences: it helps. People always want to tell you how blessed you are to have your mother still, and want to critique how I treat hear, or speak to her, when she is having an episode. I say, until you have walked in my shoes, keep it to yourself.thanks to all of you that have been honest. Love to all of you. My faith and prayers is the only thing that helps to keep me afloat. Blessings to all of you.
What meds do you think your Mom needs? What symptoms are you trying to treat? If she's getting up in the night maybe consider a sleep aid like Tylenol PM or something from her primary doctor. If she's depressed, agitated or anxious, ask her primary. You Mom needs an exam first before the primary can prescribe anything.
Stop taking her to that therapist. If s/he didn't refer your Mom on to a primary then s/he is a worthless/clueless therapist.
”But I can’t put mom in a home!”
Yes, you can. She’ll have professional caregivers, and you’ll have peace. Visit some and make a plan before you keel over with a stroke or heart attack. And then, if you’re out of the picture, what would mom do?
You find a neurologist, a neuropsychologist or even her PCP and ask for medication.
Living with a person that has dementia is a real challenge. There can't be big vases of flowers in their bedroom or anything like that. I did homecare for a long time and have told many people just like you who had a demented elder living with them. You have to pretty much 'baby-proof' your house as if you have a toddler living there. I remember I had a client with dementia who lived in her daughter's house. The daughter had those standing air-freshener cones with the scented gel centers around the house. The first thing I told her was that those had to go. She said her mother left them alone. Until she didn't and ate one.
No one who hasn't been a caregiver for someone with dementia should be saying a word to you about how you're taking care of your mother. Believe me, your not the first person to get frustrated, or angry, or even yell at an ornery, stubborn, self-absorbed elder. I hope for your sake as well as your mother's that you have some outside help coming in to take some of the caregiving burden off of you. If you don't, please get some. Situations like this meet all the conditions of the perfect storm which is elder abuse. Then the law would do more than critique you. It would bring criminal charges. You don't deserve that.
Everyone has a breaking point and no one has an unlimited supply of patience 24/7/365 for years and years at a time. Please talk to your mother's doctor and check out a few memory care facilities. Good luck.
I have seen it recommended that no adult child who has been abused by a parent should be a caregiver for that parent. It think you have every reason to be concerned for your own health and mental capacity.
Please get help for yourself and plan to place your mother in a suitable facility. This is far too stressful for you. My mother had Borderline Personality Disorder. I was her POA and did it from a distance. She was well cared for in facilities. Even that was very stressful for me.
Look after yourself!
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