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My mom is taking care of my stepfather who has dementia and incontinence. He can sleep for sometimes 18 hours at a time. She can not wake him up to go to the bathroom. She had been doing two loads of laundry a day. The laundry is in the basement, so that's a lot of up and down stairs. She said they tried waterproof undergarmets, and has a waterproof pad for the bed. I don't know if she tried waterproof sheets or not. They have the device that is supposed to wick it away, but haven't tried it , yet. She is wearing herself out with all the laundry. Any advise?

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Nobody on the forum can take your moms finances into consideration when recommending managed care for your stepfather! Recommendations are going to be made that help your MOM and her husband because that's what we do here. Your mom can be filthy rich or dirt poor, how would we know?

There are 2 people suffering, not just one. If mom collapses from the stress and physical exhaustion of caring for her husband, he goes into managed care paid for by Medicaid ANYWAY. Which IS an option now. For mom to sit down with a Certified Elder Care attorney to discuss Medicaid eligibility to place stepdad into long term care.

In the meanwhile, bring out the Purewick immediately and try that. If that doesnt work, stepdad should be put into a disposable overnight brief and changed once during the night. Mom can watch a YouTube video on the topic. Get Medline Extrasorb chucks on Amazon that hold a gallon of liquid apiece. Those should be placed underneath him with or w/o the Purewick.

Good luck
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I can't even imagine have to do laundry all the time and then on top of that having to change a person and get them cleaned up many, many times a day. It makes me physically exhausted just thinking about it.

What about bed sores? Is he being turned every couple of hours or does she have a special bed for him to lay in? I can't imagine that much immobility is good for him. Does she have aides coming in to take care of him?

Since he sleeps most of his day away anyway why isn't your mother looking into facility placement for him?

Your mother may kill herself with all the physical exhaustion and exertion before he passes.
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If she is willing, she might be able to get and apply a condom catheter. It is applied as a condom and has a tube that attaches to a standard urine bag. They do come in different sizes. I recommend getting the kit that includes different sizes with bag and tubing and instructions. Then, just order the size needed. Medical supply companies should carry them. Use this all the time in the hospital.
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POOPH odor eliminator products work on a molecular level. On Amazon and at WalMart.

All that work will wear the craegiver out. May be time to seriously consider facility placement. Sorry.
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Mlmatyac Oct 22, 2023
Assisted living in my area for memory care is upwards of $9,000 a month. If I were to put my husband in memory care, We bring in far less than that a month. Assisted living and memory care are not covered by Medicare or insurance so all costs come out of pocket. Take this into consideration the next time you make this suggestion.
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When it gets to this point in home care, it's time to move them to a facility that can handle it. The alternative is to become more and more exhausted, then start having health problems, then taking care of his health issues and her issues a well.

Two extra loads of laundry isn't much. This can get much worse. Urine spilling onto the floor, carpet, chairs that he might sit in - it's smelly. It's a health hazard. Things will need to be repkaced because it's almost impossible to get the odor out.

You are clearly a supportive daughter, but don't jump in and enable his care at home. Encourage mom to find a place where her husband has full-time care by professionals.
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sp196902 Oct 22, 2023
Two loads of laundry doesn't seem like a lot, but if it is every day, 7 days a week and up and down stairs for an elderly person then it is quite a feat.

Not to mention changing the bedding, changing and cleaning up husband, plus all the other day to day chores and it can overload a person quickly.

You can't just let the stained urine soaked bedding just pile up either because of the smell.
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Has your mother tried the men’s disposable incontinence underwear? She can buy the Walmart brand if the other brands are too expensive. Using the incontinence underwear will be a tremendous relief for your mother with not having to do so much laundry.
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Suebeth1974: His sleep schedule of eighteen hours per day must be amended for his urinary health, i.e. his undergarments should be changed more frequently.
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Wow- i read these comments about changing stuff every two hours during the night or doing laundry over and over. Certainly not taking exception to those doing those things but how in the world do you handle that, night after night? My wife has nfPPA and just now starting to become incontinent- am terrified at these prospects and dont see how i am going to do anything like that. Kudos to those who serve but I really dont want to do this.
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Grandma1954 Sep 6, 2023
You do it just like a parent does when they change diapers at night, get up to feed a child at night. You do loads of laundry just like a mom does with a baby. The difference is the size of the sheets, the size of the clothing.
Once you get used to changing a person, an adult in bed it is not as daunting as you think it is.
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I used an extra long pad inside of brief. After 3 hours in bed, I will reach in and change the pad and repeat through the night. I use a couple disposable pads staggered and overlapping under his mid section. Under the disposable bed pads, I use two washable bed pads., also overlapping. With the every 2 to 3 hours inner brief pad change and no pj bottoms on, I can keep him pretty dry. Change the disposable pads as they catch leaks and keep the bed dry for most of the night. I have not used waterproof sheets sets, but have used washable, waterproof pillow cases from Amazon, that are soft and comfortable. I also use white vinegar and febreze in wash odor eliminator. Very effective for odor control.
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Depends work pretty well but get expensive. I found a product at CVS called men’s guards—sort of like a Kotex pad for men that I put inside the depends. It helps not having to change depends as often. Just remove it if wet Another company (online) is called Because. They sell pads, diapers, etc.
Or maybe a condom catheter to use at night. Ask your doctor about that.
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Good Morning,

When you do wash his clothing, you can add vinegar and baking soda to the laundry detergent and it gets rid of any sour smell. This works well for athletic clothing/socks too.

I hope this helped...
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Is he using incontinence products either pull-up briefs or the tab type brief (aka "diapers"?)
If not he should be using them
There are extra absorbent pads that can be placed in them to absorb more urine.

I am curious why she can not wake him to go to the bathroom.
He should be getting moved during that 18 hours of sleep, he should be repositioned at least every 2 hours.
She can also change him while he sleeps.
It can be tricky but it can be done.

Is your stepfather on Hospice?
He would probably qualify.
She would get a Hospital bed that would make changing him and the bed easier.

If he does not try to remove it, or "fiddle" with it there are Condom Catheters that would work.

Your mom should also have help. Getting a caregiver to come in for a few hours a few days a week would help a LOT. The caregiver can do the laundry saving your m om the trips up and down the stairs.

If your dad is a Veteran she may get help from the VA and the VA is now paying spouses to care for the Veteran.
Depending on where and when he swerved he may qualify for a little help or a LOT. So if he is a Veteran check it out. You can contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission.
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Get him into an AL facility. He is too unhealthy for home care.
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Mlmatyac Oct 22, 2023
Assisted living in my area for memory care is upwards of $9,000 a month. If I were to put my husband in memory care, We bring in far less than that a month. Assisted living and memory care are not covered by Medicare or insurance so all costs come out of pocket. Take this into consideration the next time you make this suggestion.
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