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I'm 30 and I've been living with and caring for my emotionally abusive mom for eight years now.


It's 3:30 am and my anxiety is acting up because of s****y things my mom did to me and my older sister recently. My older sister doesn't live with me, but she's been one of the few lifelines of support I have.


I'm just tired of feeling so alone as a young adult caregiver with no friends. Not a lot of people acknowledge young caregivers and it has been a LOT to deal with.

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Heard of a woman a while back who's son was arranged to collect her from rehab. He wanted ambulance transfer home as she told him she couldn't walk, couldn't manage a car. She said she needed to live with him for a while as wouldn't cope alone yet.

Yet.. staff reported seeing her walking all around her room earlier, sorting, packing her bags. Twisting, lifting etc.

I just wonder what happened... I pictured her scurrying around doing what she liked when he popped out to the shops.

I don't know what sort of condition that is but it must have been some sort of mental illness.

Tired, I am not suggesting your Mother is mentally ill - but chronic pain or illness does have a way of crushing people & depression can creep in & become a permanent resident.

I have been truly amazed at some of the things my relative can do now, with no training, just that others stopped doing those things.
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Reply to Beatty
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If Mom is low income, maybe you can get a few hours in home care thru Medicaid.

Please don't get mad 😊just a question I want you to think about. Margaret has a point. Do you think you are disabling your Mom. I had a friend who had numerous health problems. Would have loved to have someone "care" for her and would have taken advantage of it. Like Margaret said, a lot of people have Gerd. You eat slowly and don't eat the foods that cause the problem. There are grabbers that u can use to pick up things off the floor. If you can get a doctor's order, Medicare will pay for a physical therapist to come into your home and evaluate Mom. Help her get more mobile.

You are entitled to a life. Can u work from home and have maybe a p/t job to help get some money saved so u can get a place of your own. I bet Mom can do more than u think but its easier for you to do it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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If you are 30, you don’t really count as a ‘young caregiver’. You are well and truly an adult and you need to make some decisions about how to live your own life. If your mother is around 65, she needs to live her own life as well.

Your mother has ‘some mobility issues. She has trouble taking off jackets, can't lift heavy things, and can't bend down too much’. Most of that applies to me, and I certainly don’t need a caregiver. I don’t wear clothes that I can’t take off. Hardly anyone does.

‘She also gets heartburn or nauseous easily if she eats too much or catches "bad air" that causes her to feel really cold and clammy’. A lot of people get heartburn or nausea if they eat too much. She needs to eat less, and more slowly. She doesn’t need a carer to do that. I don’t know how your local air has turned ‘bad’, but if she gets cold she should put on more clothing (obviously not a jacket).

I should apologise for not giving you what you want, ie ‘more support as a caregiver’. But honestly, it sounds crazy.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Beatty Jul 5, 2021
I'll admit I like to wear elastic waisted pants 😁

As I get older I can see the appeal of wearing big dresses & big beads I can put on easily over my head. No tiny buttons, no zips, no fiddly clasps. Cruiseship wear 😉

Shelves all at waist height so less bending down, or up.

Grocery delivery service, maybe a box of fresh ingredients I can assemble just the way I want without too much effort.

Some of my age-proof plans! Luv 'em but I do NOT want my kids still here.
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Im here for u ❤️ im 36 Im absolutely exhausted 😳. I wish i could turn off my phone at night ( instead it is on and near my face at all time in case of an emergency) i get text bombed at all hours any time she feels any type of way and I get the delight of waking up early to care for the very person that thinks I need to be texted about every little thing ( she will text help I'll run thinking it is an actual emergency and she wants a cold pepsi 😬) My mother sets me off to the point of shaking sometimes. Although she doesn't listen to me I do have open dialogue about how this makes me feel and affects her care in the end ( not like she listens 😬) Best advice do not answer the abusive, bully and demands especially at odd hours. Dont even open the message ( u were sleeping like a person needs) My mother literally watches for the message seen sign not a trap im gunna fall for when i can read the crazy on main screen. I know things are hard, just remember this is a season in your life and things will get better ❤️
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Reply to Sundaybee
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Yeah, she needs care because she has some mobility issues. She has trouble taking off jackets, can't lift heavy things, and can't bend down too much.

She also gets heartburn or nauseous easily if she eats too much or catches "bad air" that causes her to feel really cold and clammy.

As for why she got angry, my older sister tried to do something nice by hiring someone to renovate one of our bathrooms and my mom did nothing but complain the entire time. The poor renovation guy felt so unwelcome that he charged my sister an extra $200, which ended up coming from my bank account.

Also, I do live with my mom and I work from home, but I don't make enough to support myself alone. Also, my dad passed away in 2012.

Honestly, I just want more support as a caregiver. Therapy would be nice, but it's expensive and I am reluctant to see one since I had a bad experience with a previous therapist a decade ago.
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Reply to TirednYoung
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Do you still want to be Mother's main caregiver but need more support? Or wish to step back a bit to allow more life for yourself in? If so I'd suggest looking into, or getting more in-home help.

Or are you looking for support strategies regarding your Mother's behaviour?

Or are you looking for a bigger escape, like right out the door? Or maybe something else? Do you work? Study? Have/want a partner?

Do you get any councelling or other support? It can be life-changing to have support to work out what direction you want to take & how to make steps there.
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Reply to Beatty
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Mom is 65, she has arthritis, depression, etc. You make no mention of. dementia, heart disease or something that would indicate she NEEDS a caregiver.

What did she get angry about?
Are you living with mom? Is she in a home you own or she owns or is it rented?


From what I have read, If were your mom I would be sick and tired of my 30 something kids living with me. Time for your own life.

Sorry, but we really need information that tells us WHY you feel mom needs care.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Do you have a job?

In my opinion, it is a terrible idea to care for parents who have abused you.

How do you plan to support yourself after your parents pass away?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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