My Mother is 82 & I am 47, my father passed away @ 53 when I was 18 & that hit hard.
Mum has always been grumpy but worse now she older & cant drive due to cateracts, while I do work full-time thankfully it's not easy as mum wants me to look after her 24/7 @ the weekend & doesn't want her 2 daughter in laws to take her out anywhere so I don't have much of a social life, if I get asked anywhere or go anywhere mum wants to come too so it's no rest for me then plus she tells me off in front of other or I cop it by verbal abuse on way home.
ANY ideas be much appreciated, I can't drop her off either as she doesn't want to be a nuisance to anyone

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Awesome answer!
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All I can say is that you are one of the most loving individuals that I have ever heard. WOW.

In my opinion, if you want things to change, you're going to have to speak up. And as we all know, it's not going to be easy.

You're going to have to have a heart to heart with your mom and tell her that it's getting to be way too much. And somehow perhaps have others involved be at this meeting.

I wish you luck on this, lots of hugs xo.
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Yes cataract surgery is an easy procedure. It done with a local. I know a man that had them done at 98.
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I LOVE it when the mothers say they 'don't want to be a nuisance' yet live their entire lives BEING a nuisance by doing precisely the things you've described your mother doing in this post! It'd be laughable if it weren't so sad.

Put your foot down hard now. Enough is enough now, mother. She may 'want' this that and the other thing from you, but you can no longer accommodate her wishes. I may 'want' to win the lottery too, b/c I have my eye on a very expensive condo, but guess what? It's not gonna happen so I just have to get over the fact I won't be living in that fancy condo.

Live your life and let mum live hers. She cannot tag along with you when you go out, sorry/not sorry, but you are 47 and deserve your OWN life! In short order, mother will decide she'd better take the daughter in law's up on their offers or sit alone at home. The next time she tells you off remind her that it's NOT okay for her to verbally abuse you, you will no longer stand for it. Then stick to your guns and walk away from her.

Your mother is not 'entitled' to a darn thing from you, just as I am not entitled to a darn thing from my children. Respect is a two-way street and if she'd like it from you, she'd better learn to give it TO you as well. If the living arrangements no longer suit her, there is plenty of managed care residences available that may be more to her liking.

And cataract surgery is easily correctable, by the way. Easy-peasy.

Wishing you the best of luck setting down boundaries and sticking to them.
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Michelle2828 Jul 2021
Wow, that's some good advice right there. So hard for her to do BUT so IMPORTANT.
2 daughters in law implies 2 sons. Where are your brothers in all this?

Where are you all living, roughly?

Your mother needs more to do during the week. What are her interests? How's she been filling her spare time for the last thirty years?
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Time to do some reading on setting boundaries. You can not be your mom's 24/7 person. She can not go on all your social plans. Does she live on her own? Can she take care of herself? You deserve a life besides work and caring for mom.

She will not like these changes. But you don't like it the way it is. Sooooo start setting those lines in the sand and letting mom know what is and is not possible. She will either have to be alone a lot or take help from other family members or get some hired help. She can't make you do what you don't want to do.
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She doesn’t want to be a nuisance to anyone… but you. She could live 10, 15 more years. Mom needs assisted living. As of now she wants you to be as miserable as she is!

That’s terrible that you lost your dad so early on. Of course it hit hard. But it’s been 29 years now. There’s always going to be times when you both miss him. It sounds like your mother latched on to you as the source of support that your father was to her. She wants you to fill the void in her life, and she seems mad that you cannot do that for her. It’s just not possible; you’re her daughter, not a life partner. Maybe she is clinging to you since she lost her husband abruptly, and can’t let you go either.
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