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My dad was admitted two weeks ago with badly ulcerated legs. He has Parkinson’s and Lewys Body dementia. He has not had anything to eat now for three weeks as can’t swallow and has been on saline IV. He has not had his Lewys and Parkinson’s medication for two week. They want to amputate his legs because of infection and the family have said no as this would have been against my Dads wishes. He didn’t want to come to hospital. He never would have wanted this, always used to say give me some pills but we can’t. We have asked the medics to let nature take its course but make him comfortable, no feeding tubes. It just feels so long. I die a little everyday watching him he just lies staring into space...his morphine is keeping him calm. All his limbs are swollen I just feel so sorrowful for him.

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Sue, I feel your pain and offer my support as well. These times are perhaps the hardest days through which we'll live. I don't think any of us know how long someone will take to transition; it could be any time, and perhaps when he's ready.

Everyone has offered wise advice. Nurses have told me that people's hearing becomes more acute during the last days, so talk to him, play music as suggested, and tell him how much you love him.

And remember that even though is agonizing, it's better than suffering through an amputation, which he doesn't want. You're fulfilling his wishes, hard as it may be.

Be sure to take time for yourself as this is an emotionally draining time for you.
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Oh, Sue!. This must be so very hard!. My mom was on Hospice care (yes, it was amazing how they relieved her suffering) but after two days, my SIL, who was my mom's most frequent visitor at the NH looked at me and said "what's taking so long?". It was a terrible and hysterically funny question, at the same time. We stated playing music...opera, American Song Book and musicals that mom loved. SIL said prayers and told mom that dad was waiting for her. ( I was quite a bit too paralyzed to do that, but glad SIL did).

I think maybe folks need our permission to exit, and may need a cloud of music for them to float on.
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Thank you xxxx
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I am so sorry your family has to go through this. I would think he'd be passing within a week or so, with no food. As long as he's not in pain, that's about all you can do. Just be there for him as he makes this final transition. In many ways, it's probably harder on you and your sister than it is on your father. My mom was semi-comatose in her final few days, and when she was lucid, she didn't remember any of the time she was semi-comatose (and sometimes she had jerking of her arms or legs or her teeth would chatter). I found that a huge blessing to know she wasn't aware of what was happening to her. {{{Hugs}}}
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Bless you all we are in spain (we are from UK but my sis in USA) he has been moved to a palliative wing and they are amazing in their care but it just feels like it’s going forever ... heartbroken and they told me they just can’t tell an neuro not malignant xx
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Sue, Is your dad on hospice?

This sounds like a very sad and painful situation for all involved. If Hospice is involved, there are chaplains and social workers available to help families through this difficult time. (((((Hugs))))))
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This is a terrible experience for you and your family. There is nothing to do but remember: "they also serve who only stand and wait." I wish you strength and your father peace.
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