Are there any happy caregivers out there?

I want whatever medication Reverseroles is taking....

Like the Captain said, its stressful but doesnt mean we dont enjoy it. One of the Best Feelings in the World is seeing my beautiful Mom who looks so well taken care of, and is Happy because of me! If we're going to do this, we need to find balance in our lives. I hired weekend help and morning help with Moms ss and when they are out, the pressure is on me again and its rough. I can go weeks without help, or have help weekends for weeks, all depends on their schedules too and we have to be flexible . I would never want my Mom to think she is a burden, I know I wouldnt want to be in someones home that didnt want me. Trying my best here and yes I am very happy to be healthy enough to take care of my Mom, and yes, I miss my life as it was, but ...following my heart and honoring my Mom, she deserves it.

If you want to try it, take my dad for a year. I'll gladly give him to you. You'll be happy. Really.

I believe people who have found a way to be happy despite circumstances during their younger years will find some happiness while caregiving. The most important aspect of happy caregiving is to continue to do at least some activities you love. There is respite care in many forms throughout each state. There are days where I wonder why I am exhausted or frustrated and then have to laugh at myself. Caregiving is tough ,but you can be happy if you lean on the professionals who are there for you.Best wishes!

No.

I volunteered to take care of my friend, who I've known since 1977. Her husband died a year and half ago. She was in the beginning stages then. She has no children or family that can care for her. I am an easy going person who gets lots of exercise, have many of my own interests and friends. I was skeptical when I moved in with her and rented out my home, quit my job, etc. But guess what? I have never been happier! I love my life!

i was happy to help my mother but what caused me a lot of stress was watching my own life slipping by without meeting my personal objectives. normally im a very high output and productive person. mother passed away aug 1. by aug 3 i was back at home smashing a hole thru my basement wall and building a fireplace. been laying stone, pouring concrete, cutting firewood, and put a new floor in my truck bed and a new fuel tank in the truck. i miss mom but im happy to be able to line up jobs and knock em down like i usedta do. content is where im at right now. i gave mom the care and companionship she needed and she left me enough money to freshen up my equiptment and and get business moving again. life should go well. my renter pays the 200 dollar mortgage and i live in my own basement for my share of the utilities. best of all my trikes are garaged out of the weather and only 15 feet away from me.

I am truly happy when I see my 82 year old husband late stage 5 ALZ helping me grooming my two dogs he vacuumed every bit off hair off the deck, then he vacuumed the family room as they walked some hair in there, then we had a beer together on the deck, I served dinner & he washed and dried the dishes, it is never going to be perfect, but I have found that moving into his world every morning he wakes, makes my day much easier. I keep him busy, he does not care what the job might be as long as he is helping, an oh how he loves that hug & kiss & lots of praise for what he has done. No it is not a bed of roses, I walk on eggshells just like. everyone else, I have police bring him back home at 2am only in his underware, he says inappropriate words in & out of the house, gets angry, refuses to shower, I have learned through this site not to sweat the small stuff, just to have him start his day out with a smile is enough for me

I am just starting this journey, but I want to thank each of you for your truthfulness. You may/may not be happy but you are inspirational for me.
Please continue to share.

I think it's more important to be content than happy in life. Happiness is up and down, contentment is more consistent. I think I'll choose contentment with happy moments! :-)

I am fortunate that Dad does not have dementia. I am getting to spend time with him now that is building memories. I was one of 6 kids, so didn't get much alone time with Dad, and left home for college and never returned. I was "fortunate" to have my medical career ended by a TBI in 2002, so I am not working and available to be with Dad. I "owe" him for all the hard work he did to support 6 kids, never complaining and always there for us. There are some frustrations, time away with my partner being the biggest, but after a year at this, the plan is to start making that happen over the coming year. I know I have to take care of "me" and "us" to be a healthy caregiver.

Wow - this is a tough question, but it's good that it's made us think about this. My husband, with stage 6 dementia, gave me 27 wonderful years and I'm grateful I'm able to - for now - manage my life and work full-time while being his full-time caregiver. I guess the thing I'm 'happy' about is that I can give service - and am learning the valuable lesson of patience. Sometimes, I think Heavenly Father gives us challenges in our lives to learn things. For me, it's patience and compromise. After four years of caring for my husband at home, I have compromised on just about everything. I'm still learning the patience thing, but have come a long way. Don't get me wrong, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and some days I don't think I can do it any more, but I do know I'm grateful I can help my husband's last years be as calm and loving as they can be under the circumstances. It's incredibly difficult at times, but I'm grateful I'm learning patience. I'm grateful I have faith, good health, a good job, a flexible boss who lets me work from home two days a week, a nice home, a reliable car, a wonderful dementia day care center nearby, etc., etc., etc. For me, gratitude for what I DO have helps me to feel happy and at peace.

Lincoln was basically right, in my opinion, that most people are about as happy as they have made up their minds to be. Mostly. But Lincoln, according to his biographers, was a melancholy man. And I can't conceive of any person being happy (as an overall condition) while presiding over a country in a brutal divisive civil war.

Happiness is not totally within our control (even if we are president of a great nation). We have some innate characteristics that predispose us to melancholy or optimism. And events outside of ourselves influence us. But we can do noble things without being happy.

And I don't think we all mean exactly the same thing by "happiness."

I was a willing caregiver to my husband. I did it by choice. I came to take great satisfaction in influencing the quality of his life. We grew very close. It was a rewarding (and exhausting and frustrating and expensive) experience. I would make the same choice again. But happy? That is too superficial to describe the rewards and too pollyannaish to describe the reality.

Kazza I agree that it also has to do with our own lives also. If I didn't have my husband standing with me through this I would probably be unhappy..Everyone needs support to go through this caregiving journey.

I suppose there are some who have chosen that role and have appreciative parents. For those that have taken on that role by default, giving 24/7 care to a nasty elderly parent, I doubt it. I commend all those caring for an elderly parent, but for those who for whatever reason choose not to, I pass no judgement.

Exactly S.A. And this is the 2nd time Kazza has gotten nasty with me because she either does not read the whole thread, or has a comprehension problem...but she can still kma. : )

Kaz, I think Boni was being sarcastic towards another post...


Anyway, I don't have a fluffy, rosy relationship with my mom either, but as an only child, I couldn't just let her rot... Somebody had to step up, and really, everyone here is trying to do the right thing... Some have good, warm, loving parents that makes caring for them, if not easier, at least more pleasant. Those of us who weren't treated well, or were abused by our parents, still love them on some level, but their nastiness makes an already tough job harder, and we need to bitch about it. lol Thank God for a site that lets me bitch! :)

Kazzaa, You being offended means nothing to me. You have had issues with me before because of your ignorance. KMA.....then have a nice day. :)

bonichak find your comment HIGLY offensive just because some of us are finding this very hard dosnt mean we dont love our parents nobody wants to see someone suffer with this and how dare you suggest that we dont do this out of love? again this site is for support and not judgements how dare you comments like this really infuriate me. Im 48yrs old I am entitled to a life a partner and a career my old mum would never want me to give up on that and thats LOVE really shocked by your ignorance.

Happy? No comprende.

I am happy today, it was a good day for my MIL, she was connected and her humor cells were working. I just take this dementia thing one day at a time and vent my angst on the bad days by coming to this site and seeing that others are suffering more.

I guess the bottom line is Love. I feel sorry for all the miserable folks. Why are you doing it if you hate it, and them so much? I love my Mom and cherish every moment. But then again, I'm a self sacrificing martyr looking for accolades from strangers so I can go to heaven. Here's another eye roll for ya.

Well some of us were blessed to have good parents. I love my Dad..spending time with him is a pleasure, I am also a caregiver to my husband. Is it easy, of course not but quite frankly for me it is a good time to give back to a man who did so much for me growing up and as an adult as well.

To me it seems to come down to one thing based on my own experience and so many others I've read - was your parent good to you before they needed care? If they were, then caring for them is natural and desired even if hard. If they weren't a good parent and especially if there was abuse, I think it's incredibly hard for that adult child to give even more of themselves at the end with a smile.

No. I'm not. And I have to roll my eyes at all the self-sacrifice I see on this site. All the "it's worth it" comments. Frankly, it's not worth it. My situation with my mother takes a huge toll on me and I am not too shy to say I'm looking forward to her eventual death. The pain will shift, but it will no longer be this soul-sucking slavery to another human.

I am happy. To some degree there is a correlation between happiness and resources. We benefit from being blessed, lucky, and having parents that have worked hard their whole lives and saved. Their prudent choices have provided me the privilege of options in their caregiving. I am able to hire assistance and make their home a safe place to be. I also work hard however to maintain my boundaries, get counseling, talk with my partner, ask for help from siblings, scale back where I can, and concentrate on maintaining good relationships at work. All those things allow me happiness in knowing that I am doing everything I can to help my mom who I know did everything in her life for me...and would continue to do so if she were in the position to help me. I pray for all of you on this list to find peace and happiness.

I spend two days and two nights a week with my Dad, I am always happy just to hang out with him. Yeah sure he can be a little difficult but what the heck..I think we all are at some point in our lives, especially if your life is completely upended all of a sudden. We talk about a range of subjects and I guess I am just happy in that I get to spend precious time with him in what is the last years of his life on this planet.

I think this is one of the best questions I've seen on this site. Hard to know how to answer tactfully, but it reminds me of the Lincoln quote:' "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." Yes, we are struggling, and yes, this is hard, and often unfair, and sometimes brutally hard, but if we can find some joy and meaning in what we are doing, then I think happiness is possible. Maybe not in the form we always pictured or planned for, but then how often do things work out the way we expected? For some of us happiness may not be a possibility right now -- grief and exhaustion and anger may be foremost in our minds, but eventually, yes, I am hoping happiness may reappear in our lives. Right now the person I am caring for is not in pain, and is peacefully reading a book about Yosemite, and outside in the garden I can see blue sky and afternoon sunshine, and for this moment, I have room for happiness in my heart.

Not on this end of the street. This man is an alcoholic with dementia, and I could tell you stories to fill the rest of your life. The only advice I have is when you can't handle it, step away from it. It may save your life. I hate to sound mean, but I think a state guardianship is sometimes the best answer for those of us who have done it all our lives. . .

personally i think caregiving is hard for anyone BUT its harder if youre not happy in other areas of your life. I would be a happier caregiver if I was living in a place i liked and had a life ie..friends and a job,nights out doing other things than just caring for my mother. i would love to have my own life and visit my mum when I could and bring her out more to eat etc.. I suppose it depends on what your life is like apart from caregiving and i just want my life back THEN i would be a happier caregiver. I do what I can to keep saine and hang on to faith that my life will get better. i want to move from here my mum wont move and maybe this might be too much for her now? but if she lived where I wanted to be and i had some sort of a life outside her I think I would not only be a happier cargiver but a better one.
Im so glad that Blannie is happy but sometimes its not just the caregiving that makes us unhappy but our own lives on top of it.