Mom is always accusing Dad of not telling her what's going on, what's coming up, etc in their daily life. Rather than remind her of her condition, does anyone have any good responses? Just saying " you just forgot" doesn't help.
There's no good answers when it comes to trying to orient an elder with dementia. You can try the calendar and/or a dry erase board, which may work up until a certain point when your mom is no longer able to read or focused enough to be able to understand the words on the calendar. The argumentativeness is something that just goes with the territory and increases along with the disease as the confusion mounts, unfortunately.
I bought my mom an Alzheimer's clock on Amazon which did a good job for a little while. It tells you the time, the day, the date, and the year in large bold neon numbers/letters. For a while mom was happy to wake up and see the clock and be able to orient herself to the day and time, and whether it was AM or PM. Then after a while, she forgot to look at the clock, even though it was right in front of her recliner. So the only thing that worked was human prompts: it's 5pm mom, time to eat. It's 8:30 am mom, time to get up, etc etc.
Constant reminders are part and parcel of dementia. Never remind her of what she's 'forgotten', just keep repeating the same information over and over again as necessary.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Even if he did, she probably would forget. I used a big Calendar for my Mom. It fit the top of her frig. (I use one too) You can get them in places like Staples. Mine has 2 sides, one with 2 months and the other one month. Nice big squares for writing things in. They are erasable so can be changed every month. Then all he has to say is "the info is on the calendar". As each day goes by, he Xs the day out or can erase it.
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
Also, Teepa Snow is an expert who has many helpful videos on YouTube. They gave me great ideas for how to have more productive and peaceful interactions with my LOs with dementia and memory loss.
Worked wonders for my LO.
"Oh, honey! I must have told the kids about that, and thought I told you!"
I bought my mom an Alzheimer's clock on Amazon which did a good job for a little while. It tells you the time, the day, the date, and the year in large bold neon numbers/letters. For a while mom was happy to wake up and see the clock and be able to orient herself to the day and time, and whether it was AM or PM. Then after a while, she forgot to look at the clock, even though it was right in front of her recliner. So the only thing that worked was human prompts: it's 5pm mom, time to eat. It's 8:30 am mom, time to get up, etc etc.
Constant reminders are part and parcel of dementia. Never remind her of what she's 'forgotten', just keep repeating the same information over and over again as necessary.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia:
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
Also, Teepa Snow is an expert who has many helpful videos on YouTube. They gave me great ideas for how to have more productive and peaceful interactions with my LOs with dementia and memory loss.