Follow
Share

I was appointed mom's legal guardian a few months ago. During the last hearing, the guardianship judge ordered my sister to "restore Ward (mom) to exclusive possession of her residence" and to "vacate and relinquish possession and occupancy of property" by June1st. I have a copy of that court order signed by the judge.

Sister still refuses to leave. Her name is still on the title. She bullied and threatened mom into signing the deed to add my sister's name while the guardianship proceedings were going on, AFTER mom had two doctor's statements saying that she was incapacitated submitted to the court.

Mom's attorney is saying that I will have to file a civil suit to restore the title to mom's name only, and then will have to wait until that is done in order to file an eviction proceeding against my sister.

But my question is, since I have a signed order from the judge already stating that my sister is to relinquish possession of and vacate the property, is another suit necessary, or can I have the police go over and get her out? We go back to court on June 11th, and I would think she would be in contempt.

I was just wondering if anyone here has any experience with something like this. Mom doesn't have endless funds to be able to keep going to court. My sister also took mom's name completely off the title to her car back in February, also while the guardianship matter was still in progress.

I was appointed guardian because my sister didn't show and would not comply with requests for bank statements, etc. so they had to subpoena them and discovered $30K missing from mom's savings in cash withdrawals my sister made (which was 3/4 of what mom had). Mom added my sister to her bank account after my sister moved in with her, and she told me she added my sister to the car title for insurance reasons, but it was listed as "Mom's name OR sister's name" so sis later took mom off completely.

I moved mom in with me after all of that and because mom told me that my sister was physically abusing her. We've finally found an IL facility that will be able to offer home health on site as well as medication management, so I'm happy about that and I think mom will like it there too, but we need to be able to get mom's furniture out, and sister has changed the locks. The last time we went over there to get some of mom's clothes, sister wasn't home and we had to call a locksmith.

Thank you all, I just wanted to give an update. We had a crazy few days the weekend before last. I had arranged for movers to come pick up the items mom had requested from her home, some but not all of her furniture, etc. to take it to her new place.

While there, my sister who was not home at the time got wind of us being there with a moving truck and called the police. I showed them my guardianship papers and the order stating that she was to be moved out by June 1st.

They asked her to leave the property. She had also moved some guy in since our last hearing and was having him stay there and pay her rent for staying in mom's house that the judge had already ordered her to vacate by June 1st.

They came back later to get their stuff and broke out one of mom's windows and tore up both sides of the fence tryingto get in, after I had told my sister that we could make arrangements the next day for her to get their stuff (didn't have time right then because I was dealing with the movers and the police).

So after all of that we went back to court on the 11th. Judge was not happy about everything that has transpired, and also had an APS report in her hand that APS has already turned over to the DA about my sister's financial exploitation of mom. I guess it will be up to them as to whether or not to pursue prosecution.

Mom's attorney was able to get my sister to sign mom's property back to her, and had filed an objection to my sister's expenditures that she listed in the mandatory accounting for the judge, and we go back to court on that on July 31st as to what if any amount my sister will be required to pay back. I am working on getting mom's fence and window fixed so I can give him receipts for the damages as well.

This whole thing just turned into a mess. My sister and I were supposed to be helping one another take care of mom, and my sister wanted to abuse and mistreat her for reasons I still don't fathom really. I'm the first to admit my mom and I haven't really been close in the sense of being best buddies, but I've always tried to make sure she and her health were taken care of, and to protect her from abuse. Mom's mother has always been abusive to her too. She hates her for being the only female child out of her three children, and treats mom's brothers like saints but hates her only daughter. One reason I don't talk to much of the family on mom's side, because I decided long ago that I don't have to put up with their abuse nor subject my husband and kids to it, nor am I going to. But I will be there for my mom. I just realized I can't do it any longer in my home, and mom doesn't feel safe going back to hers, nor could she thrive there unless she had a live in caregiver.

So we made the decision to move her to the facility I mentioned, and she really seems to be doing better so far. She has already made friends with the lady in the room next to hers, and has socialized more there than she has in a long time. Still some bouts of paranoia (tells me people are listening to her through her phone) but she's not terrified all the time.

She gets 3 meals a day, a good variety of activities there, and home health that comes in multiple times a day to give her meds, check blood sugar, etc. Her insurance told me they qualified her for some skilled nursing and PT visits as well, if she will allow PT to work with her. I think it would be good to help build her strength. She's had the muscle spasms and stiffness for awhile.

I am up there quite a bit too, bringing her things she needs, bringing them her med refills etc. and seeing how she's doing. I know it's an adjustment for her, and I'm trying to help as much as I can, it's just easier now that I can actually get a little bit of sleep!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

Sorry, too many long posts to read so sorry if this has already been said. If there is already a judgement then the judge has said your sister manipulated Mom. If she doesn't vacate like order says I think you can go back to court and like said, your sister will be found in contempt of court. Meaning a fine or jail. I, also, think the judge can order that Police go to the home and escort your sister off the property. She will need to take everything she owns at the time. I would then go in and replace locks with dead bolts. Don't understand why lawyer felt it was a civil matter since a judge already made a judgement.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report

FrazzledMama, it seems unlikely that a lawsuit will be necessary -- the court order should suffice. Perhaps your sister has actually quit-claimed her interest in your mom's house, but not until June 1 and the county recorder had not yet recorded it by the time you checked on it. If it's not recorded by the time of your June 11 hearing, then you can inform guardianship judge at that time.

Looking to the future, your sister's past actions may endanger your mom. To wit, assuming the house title is restored, there's still $30,000 of your mom's savings missing in addition to whatever your mom was paying your sister monthly if those payments were made without a personal services agreement. So the total might be in the $50,000 to $100,000 range and whatever the total is, that is the amount of a Medicaid look-back penalty that will occur if your mom happens to need Medicaid assistance within 5 years of when each of the payments and withdrawals were made.

You said that you intend to provide your mother's care, but you may not have yet realized that as her disease progresses, her eventual need for 24-hour care will be the equivalent of 4.5 full-time jobs (8,760 hours in a year / 1,940 avg. full-time hours = 4.56). My experience is that this becomes physically and mentally exhausting and the result is that nearly half of caregivers die before the person receiving care. Unless your mom's monthly retirement benefits are larger than most, a need for Medicaid could be in her future.

It sounds like you and shakingdustoff have had very different experiences. I've experienced some of what both of you have gone through and I empathize with both, but won't try to read between the lines. Things have a way of getting complicated due to sibling misunderstandings caused by a lack of communication and various levels of understanding and/or denial of parents' conditions. Best wishes to both of you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to bicycler
Report

Yep, and still being mom to my mom, and looking out for her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

I'm sorry for the situation you find yourself in, Shaking. I know it has to be hard if your family is taking advantage of you. But your situation and mine are totally different, and your assumptions about mine are incorrect.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

Thank you DeeAnna, and I appreciate the verse :) Yes, it is an IL facility with separate apartments, but all in one building, not separate buildings, kind of how a hotel is set up. They have a common dining area, attendants at the front desk most of the time, and equip all residents with an emergency call button. She is able to perform her ADLs except administration of her medications and insulin, and blood sugar checks. They do have a home health agency with an office on site and an RN on staff that can do that.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

Shaking, I understand why you might see it that way, believe me I do. But it's simply not the case. I did report the abuse to APS, so did the court, so did the hospital. I suppose I should have filed criminal charges right away, but I do love my sister and don't WANT to see her put away, that's why I've tried to give her a chance, and also why I took mom out of the abusive environment to live with me. Sis also has a son who needs his mom.

Before mom became incapacitated, I tried for years to get mom help. I did take her to her doctor and psych doctor appointments but unfortunately at least here, unless the person is a danger to themselves or others (i.e. homicidal or suicidal), you can't force them to take their medication properly or make them get inpatient treatment. She was still managing her own affairs at that time. I agree, she lived by herself longer than she should have, but would not go anywhere else, and didn't believe anything was wrong with her other than anxiety and of course she was having the paranoia. I didn't know that my sister had moved in with her while I was pregnant. She then declined both physically and cognitively to the point that her doctors declared her incapacitated, after several hospitalizations.

I will make sure mom is taken care of, money or no money, whatever forms I have to fill out, whatever I have to file. But she does need to be able to utilize her assets to pay for her care, as I can't afford it out of my pocket either. That's what mom worked all these years and saved up for, to take care of her in her retirement.

I know there is no inheritance, nor am I looking for one. I personally don't think my sister was entitled to most of mom's monthly retirement, 3/4 of mom's savings, and mom's car and house for living with her and sponging off of her for a year, abusing her and putting her through a lot of anguish, while mom is left with nothing, but that's just me.

I'm not asking anyone to throw stones or nail anyone to a cross. My original question was whether anyone on here had any experience with an order from the guardianship court like the one I described.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

Thank you for the background information about what has been happening with your sister and your Mom. While I understand that she is your sister, it sounds like she is a "habitual criminal" and will never learn from her mistakes or "wrong doings" unless you file criminal charges. I know that you don't want to but it sounds like that is the only way you are going to get anything resolved properly. Follow the advice given to you by Adult Protective Services and your attorney.

In regards to your Mom still wanting to defend her abuser, she is acting like a Mom who loves her daughter even though she knows that her daughter has done something wrong. I have a friend whose son and daughters have done numerous illegal financial fraud with her (the mother's) money and yet, she still loves them. Let it go. With so many more important battles that you need to fight with your sister, let your Mom defend her daughter all she wants (for now), eventually your Mom might accept the fact that her loving daughter did some terrible things and needs to be punished but she will most likely never stop loving your sister.

Does "IL" mean "Independent Living facility"? Is it an apartment building with a communal dining room where there is someone supervising the residents and making sure that they are taking their medications? Something like an "Assisted Living facility", but the resident gives themselves their own baths instead of staff giving the residents their baths?

Let us know what you decide to do in regards to your sister. Remember that God cares about you and will give you His strength each and every day. "The Lord is near to all who call upon Him...He hears their cry, and saves them from their troubles" Psalms 145:18-19 (paraphrased)
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to DeeAnna
Report

My sister admitted to the physical abuse, which is why mom is here with me, and APS has recommended criminal charges be filed about the financial and physical abuse, but police stated as mom's guardian I would have to be the one to do it. I've been trying to give my sister a chance to set things right rather than trying to send her to prison, but it looks like I may have to file.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

Shaking, you've got it wrong. My sister WAS paying herself a salary (AND her own car payment) out of mom's SSDI and retirement, taking most of it in fact, leaving just enough in mom's checking to cover bills and groceries (yep, mom was paying for everything). She withdrew money from mom's savings in cash withdrawals to HERSELF.  If it was for mom, why not transfer it to her checking and write checks for mom's needs rather than make cash withdrawals? And why can she not produce any receipts for the attorneys, APS or the judge?  Mom has very little for her own care left and would not qualify for Medicaid because of all those withdrawals with no paper trail.
  
I took mom to her doctor's appointments and have been there for her for YEARS. Sister has done nothing but mooch and borrow money she never paid back.

Yes, I did take a break for a period of time (about a year) when I was dealing with a high risk pregnancy and on modified bedrest. I had already lost a pregnancy, and was unwilling to jeopardize my daughter's life by dealing with family drama and dysfunction.
Mom was living on her own at the time.

During my pregnancy, my sister moved in, mom declined physically and mentally, and my sister hit and tried to choke her multiple times. I hardly call that quality care. Mom was hospitalized 5 or 6 times last year, and has not been in the hospital once since she's been here, and her diabetes and cognitive function have both improved. Oh, and I'm not getting paid a dime! :) Just trying to help my mom, who still wants to defend her abuser. 

And mom is not going into a NH, it's an IL facility where they also have in-house care to give her her medications and diabetes care.  I have 3 kids living at home, and a husband that need me too.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to FrazzledMama
Report

Judge may fine her in contempt then issue a bench warrant. Just a guess.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to gladimhere
Report

I would show up at the police department with the judge's order and ask them what can be done to force compliance.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report