I'll be 70 in August. I have dealt with majer depression and anxiety for 50 years, with doctors help and meds. I have always been " the mom " of the family....a lot of the time for my parents too. I just signed my 97 year old mum up for hospice care ( she's in assisted living). My 68 year old sister, who is also in assisted living has dementia and is going down hill fast. And now it is becoming apparent that my very helpful husband is dealing with the beginnings of dementia too. I have all the POAs, I have a handle on ALL of my mum and sisters accounts and will soon be working on getting all of my husband's and my financial accounts in just my hands. I have a daughter and her family in town. She is being very helpful and is handling most most of my sisters doctor appointment. My other very helpful daughter is moving to Hawaii in a month, but is a very big support on the phone a few times everyday. There are a few more wrinkles but that was enough for now. I'm getting very tired and weighed down even with my doctors, family and friends and the assisted living places help....I read the posts on this site a lot...and most likely no what y'all will say, but...I sure could use any kind words or advice that you may have. Thanks!!
The ONLY thing I'd mention is that you touched on getting tired and weighed down even with all the help. That's natural. It's a large responsibility that you have taken on. What I'm wondering is if there could be too much contact with helpful folks, leaving you not enough time to recharge each day. I know that when everybody calls and checks in on sick people in my care, I find myself supporting them in their emotional lives. That's taking on something that I shouldn't. So I have at times discouraged or not replied and let them know later that I just couldn't provide a complete rundown of my LO's health at that time.
As a for instance, your Very Helpful Daughter that you're talking to a few times every day. Could you cut it down to once at a set time? She's planning a big move, and maybe she'd like to have more of her own time and energy to deal with that.
Keeping up with the calls, calling back, messaging - all take their toll on us. Friends - we love them, but having to TALK about my LO and dealing with their concern causes me to relive the sadness every time I run into them or they call and ask. I'm with my LO almost every day in his memory care facility. I see the saddest sights there (not only with him) and the difficult moments, and when I'm home, I need to regroup and not linger on what happened in THIS day. That way, I'm refreshed and ready for tomorrow.
Just some things for you to think about. You have to protect yourself! We all do.
Just make sure you take care of yourself. It would be so easy to lose yourself in all this. Make sure you don’t.
As they say on the airplane, put your oxygen mask on first. You are of no use to anyone if you don’t take care of yourself.
I wish you and your wonderful
daughters all this best as you navigate this difficult time.
And what a blessing that you have very supportive daughters to help you. Not all caregivers have any family members that want to help in any way.
I'm glad to hear that your mum and sister are both in assisted living facilities, as that in itself takes a lot off of you as far as their care.
I would just say that I do hope and pray that you are doing some fun things for yourself along the way, as with your depression and anxiety that is important for your well being as well.
And just because you've always been the "mom of the family" it doesn't mean that you have to continue to do so, especially if it's hurting your mental health.
We all have our breaking points and I hope that you know what your limitations are, before you get to that breaking point.
Best wishes moving forward taking care of you first so you can continue to care for others.