Any advice on surviving an adult protective services wellness visit/investigation?

This is a good example of why it's so important to have durable power of attorney both medical and financial *before* agreeing to take on any responsibility for caring for any adult.

But even with DPOA in place, there are often people who overstep because they don't actually know or understand what is happening on the ground. This is often due to what's called showtiming where the person with cognitive decline says and does things to hide their decline and save face giving the impression that they're "fine" and you're the one who is nuts.

You can file a complaint against the healthcare provider with their licensing board. But I would go further and hire an elder law attorney to request their records, which may include the name of the person who got them to file a complaint. And when their records show absolutely no doctor-patient relationship with your mother, I suspect that could be the basis for a malpractice action against them that their insurance carrier will likely want to settle quickly.

I have the means at this time so I would lawyer up and protect myself. I would also put the reporting person on notice.

It looks as though we are closing in on the one month mark. I would personally like to know how this APS investigation has gone for all involved?

From how I see it they need actual evidence and not just rumours, if nothing wrong has been done, then that will be that, there might be more allegations and other people who have no clue or context in the matter regarding you and your family matters, and if anyone is trying to pressure you or anything you're not comfortable with you could tell them "well take me to court, and if you have no evidence of wrong doing, then I will counter sue you".

I totally agree with katnikwoo "The other advice I have is get as many hospice, nurses, home healthcare workers in and out of there as much as you can so you have others seeing the REAL situation."

Fortunately I rarely have incidents with my husband but during one visit to our geriatrician I told her it was frustrating knowing that my husband could do anything he wanted but I would be held accountable if I did anything or even failed to do something. She assured me if I were ever reported she would do what she could because she has seen the good care that I have provided. No she doesn't come to our home but she sees enough families that she should be considered a good judge of those receiving proper care and concern.

I have told several of my providers that I did fine as long as I had one patient but I don't feel like I am doing so great now that I am caring for two patients. When they ask me who was the second patient... I tell them myself! As we both age, I now have issues I need to care for myself and sometimes drop the ball on his needs or mine. Yes, I totally get the airplane example often used of giving yourself oxygen before helping someone else.... but one of the consequences could very well be being reported by a new provider that does not know our situation!

You are in my prayers, please let us know how things continue to go.

Now, I'm not saying there is not a need for APS and glad they are there for those who are in bad situations: alone, or have family who are exploiting them......
BUT.... w/that said....
In my case APS came to do a visit as my stepmom whom I'd been taking care of best as SHE would LET me, lived alone, refused any suggestions of medical care, even Dr visits, very head strong and .... had what we suspected as some type of horrible dementia. So myself and one other step-
family member were trying best for 3.5 yrs to the care of her after my father suddenly passed. She had been declining over these 3 years and at this point i knew she had a UTI or something and i NEEDED any sort of help due to her refusals....to top it off she was mean and combative, beligerant and abusive....but still, my responsibility she'd been my stepmom for 50yrs) At 1st, they tried to get a paramedic visit to get her to the hospital, and then police to deem her and make the paramedics take her.... no go. This was when the investigator became upset....at ME... I'd told her that a family member and I do what we can and what SHE would LET us to take care of her...meals, water, bathing help...the investigator never told me not to tell the police if asked, so when they asked, I told, and they said "well seems like her needs are met, we can't force her to the hospital".... I went back into the house then came out to speak to the investigator who had stayed by her car out by the street to find she had left. I called and thats when SHE berated me with things like why did you tell them? We could have gotten her help but you chose to...blah blah.... it was really bad! She then threatened us with jail if i didnt stay at the house with her and i couldn't due to family and work etc. (I still want to lodge a complaint, it was pretty bad) So while we awaited a verdict report from an Rn the APS lady finally got over to the house to assess her, my stepmom and I took a tumble during a transfer, I convince her to let me call the ambuance and after MUCH convincing, got the EMTs to transport!
Then, I told the hospital it would be an unsafe D/C as she lived alone. This gave me time to start a guardianship petition so she could never refuse care and I could finally get her taken care of. IN THE MEAN TIME, uuugh, APS "followed" to the hospital and had also told me that I, myself, being a stepchild could not get guardianship and that i couldnt file. Wow! Wrong! I'm her only person in this world. I filed in Aug....come to find, the "counselor"/"guardian" they temp assigned ALSO filed for guardianship - personally - like ON HIS OWN! Almost 1 month after mine! This guy, before i knew hed filed, asked me if she had advanced directives in place via a text msg. I spoke on the phone with him the next day and said oh BTW the DNR you asked me about should be with her Dr. Ofc...he says "I didn't ask you about a dnr...."blah blah.... I explained that a DNR is indeed an advance directive. He said he didn't know that and said this was his 1st guardianship type case...etc..... yeah AWESOME! They blocked me from speaking to any of the medical people...I could visit etc, that was it. They almost stole her! Upon my hearing in Nov, it took literally 5 mins for the judge to award it to me, the stepdaughter! And BLOCK and refuse the bill from the APS lawyer who filed. All in all, be very wary and on your toes with APS. Be very involved and heed the advise I've seen here to be very open, honest, don't give too much ...
I felt, for much of their involvement, that they wanted her assets and it's a good thing I filed 1st!
Just the other day she was finally diagnosed with Demential with SEVERE Psychosis and the medical pros have NO idea ow I was caring for her on my own for these years. Hence the therapy I now need ;-)
Good luck and I hope it goes more smoothly than mine!

dnajaras: I am sorry that APS was called. Continue to show comfort, love and compassion to your mother.

My understanding the complaint was more to do with one of the caregivers in the home after overhearing something when calling in. I hope this soon passes.

I too understand where APS is sometimes needed, but people are using APS for purposes of petty vengeance and are abusing their anonymity. In this way it is similar to swatting. 

The advice others are sharing--to remain calm and get through it--sounds right to me.

APS is dysfunctional. I understand why it is needed but this sounds similar to what I went through. Family members who are controlling or want revenge will often call and file complaints with no evidence whatsoever. My daughter who has not had anything to do with my wife or I for 10 years called APS on me. Her mom who is schizophrenic is dying of cancer. I called daughter when wife went into the hospital for 6 weeks. Daughter wouldn't answer, would only text and that was limited. She did say she was sorry for what we were going through (no offer to help or visit) and then suddenly cut me off saying "I have to process all this...please do not contact me with anymore details. I'll reach out when I am ready" She never came to visit her mom in hospital. Fast forward 3 months- Mom is now near death and I am taking care of her at home. Daughter pops her head up 3 months later after the "don't bother me text" and decides she is taking over and putting mom in a home. No visit, no calls to mom or me- just a text saying "this is what we are doing". When I disagreed, she called APS and said I was "mentally and physically" abusing my wife!

My advise- Welcome APS in your home, answer all questions freely but don't offer more than is needed. Our initial visit did not go well because my CRAZY and I do mean mentally ill schizophrenic wife told the APS worker that I got "mad" at her all the time and wouldn't let her walk. Uh yeah....I don't let her walk without my assistance because she can hardly stand much less walk, she has bone cancer and a fall will be the end. And I don't yell/scream/get mad but yes I get a little frustrated when she won't listen- she recently tried to go to bathroom on her own and fell- yeah that was fun.

If the person you are caring for is mentally ill or has dementia that makes it much harder. Our APS worker wasn't accusatory...she was more like looking at her watch so she could get out of there. In the end the case was closed and report said charges dropped for "no physical abuse", charges dropped for "improper care" and charges inconclusive on mental abuse. That one seriously upset me since my wife is the one who mentally abuses ME, not the other way around.

The other advice I have is get as many hospice, nurses, home healthcare workers in and out of there as much as you can so you have others seeing the REAL situation. Also RECORD everything- meaning conversations with the crazy sick person. Take video, write down meticulously everything you are doing- when you gave meds, what they ate, bowel movements. That is what I have been doing and case was dropped. Caretaking is the worst job in the world....especially when others have zero gratitude for the 24/7 care you give. Sorry you are going through this.

Yes. In this ongoing saga I do have advice.

Those being investigated should be COMPLETELY welcoming and open.

Those being investigated should understand that many in medical are mandated reporters, and they are bound to report things they hear even from someone who may have dementia, or from a bickering family.

If mother is overly upset by this it may be more a problem of the general family chaos that goes on, and the confusion. Comfort her; tell her there's no problem, and move on.

So again. Be WELCOMING. Provide all answers WILLINGLY. Be very OPEN. This is the best way to put down any suspicion.

APS is truly dysfunctional . They are Not Professional . Anyone can drop a dime and you can usually tell whose Big Mouth It is coming from . I was in a support group and that social worker reported My sister to APS - I thought what I was discussing in the group was Private and confidential . This Lady showed Up Happiness - I had Covid , spoke to My Dad . In retaliation My sister called up and made up several false stories to get even and I got grilled By 2 African American woman and treated Like a criminal . My social worker said " You Have done Nothing wrong " My sister called them while My Father and I were in Maine to try and destroy Our vacation because she Has mental Issues . APS - My Father was robbed of $15,000 - Police did Nothing because they Knew the Irish Kid - This guy Preys On the elderly and His brothers have a crime ring But the Police dont Put them In Prison . Instead we get APS who really does Not do Much . Some of the social workers are good But some are real A- Holes and I dont find them at all Professional .

IF you were witness to the "overly aggressive and blunt" behavior, and were witness to the ways that you think that they lacked "sensitivity training" you can file a complaint. But if you were just told this then you can not make a complaint. the family members that were directly involved would be able to call and ask to talk to a supervisor.
The best "survival skill" is to be honest, answer any question but do not add more information than what is asked.
Document all incidents.
Keep records, receipts until they are no longer needed (read that to mean until after the person dies and estate is settled)
Investigations are intended to protect a vulnerable person.