Any advice on how to reduce stress of anticipated patient’s death?


As a caregiver and advocate for my mother, the topic of her death comes up and causes me internal stress. She ask when do you think I will die? I have to estimate her death to plan and assure financial arrangements are in place to care for her. I trust the Lord to give us peace but would appreciate any advice on how to reduce the stress of inevitable death of my mother.



Thanks for everyone's advice and response. Day by day. Enjoy today, trust in the Lord for tomorrow.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to WAECare

If she keeps bringing it up she may be looking for reassurance - tell her that nobody knows the day or the hour but that you will be there to advocate for her, she won't be alone. Then talk about something she can look forward to in the present, even if is only something good for dinner.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to cwillie

I guess it was the way I was raised because my siblings feel the same way. Yes, we miss our mother but watching her deteriorate was so much worse to deal with then her dying. She was 89. Loved her life she gave to her husband and children and Church. Those with faith are pretty sure where they are going and aren't afraid. My cousin feels this life is it, he will just be no more. He can live with that. So, if Mom has faith tell her she will pass when (like said) the good Lord comes and gets her. If it upsets you, maybe you can nicely tell her that you rather not talk about it because it makes you uncomfortable.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29

I love Snoopy and Charlie Brown. I came across a drawing once of the 2 of them sitting on a dock watching the Sun set. Charlie Brown said to Snoopy, “One day, Snoopy we will all die” Snoopy answered, “Yes, but on all the other days, we will not.”

Try not to consume yourself with thoughts of her death. Enjoy the time she has left. Are you discussing your “estimating her death” with her and that’s why she’s asking you when she will pass? Don’t. That’s depressing for both of you. Do what you need to do. Budgeting for her care shouldn’t take that long. She has what she has financially. Apply for Medicaid if necessary. Consider pre-paying for burial arrangements. This should not be a process that takes weeks and weeks. Consult a financial advisor for help if needs be. And enjoy your mom while she’s still here. My mom, suffering from dementia, left me mentally 3 years before she left physically. I regret not spending more time with her while she was still “here”.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Ahmijoy

And focus on maximizing your time together now, doing as much as you both can while physically able. As death approaches, ability to function declines drastically in some situations, and you may regret not doing things you could have done now.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to GardenArtist

Of course thinking of your mother's death is stressful. Thinking of my husband's death was stressful.

Knowing that someone is close to the end of their life is stressful. But we are all going to die. In almost every married couple, one will die before the other. The natural process is for parents to die before their children. It is especially sad when children die first.

Is the stress interfering with your daily functioning? If so, I suggest you talk about it with a professional listener, such as a therapist, a grief counselor, a hospice social worker, etc.

Otherwise, recognize that stress is part of life. You'll get through this.

If Mom is coherent and wants to talk about dying, give her a chance if you can tolerate it. What does she think will happen when she dies? Is there any part of the process she is afraid of? For many of us, it is not death itself we fear, it is the possibility of pain. You can assure her you will do everything possible to minimize any pain she may have when the time comes.

I highly recommend "Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End" by Atul Gawande.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to jeannegibbs

Most parent when they get of age like in the 80's and up wonder when they are going to die... My mom was in her late 80's and wanted to die... I told her mom stop trying to died, you are not going any where until the good Lord gets ready for you..(in a nice way)

They become tired, their bodies become weak, they feel they are useless and good for nothing, etc.. but we as their children must made them comfortable and get them to remember the good time when they could do this or that, that usually works and get a laugh out of them. :) However, as far as financial arrangement, nursing homes, etc..You can prepare for that, get information so when the time does come you will already know where and the cost of everything.. If she is getting any type of income, pension, social security whatever, they will attach that for her care in the nursing home. hope this helps a little :)
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to bettyboop77

If you truly trust the Lord, he will send you a comforter. Look to his Word. For yourself, I would recommend you review the Bible teachings at For expectations regarding your mother, refer to the pdf (it's an easy short read) God bless you and your family.
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Reply to Motherly