Any advice on how to deal with sudden death?

When a LO dies suddenly it comes as a shock to everyone. A friend of mine just lost her daughter who was in her late 40’s. My friend and her daughter chatted that night and then the daughter went to bed. When the daughter did not wake up the next morning, my friend went to check on her and found that she was dead.

Your friend has to indeed take it one day at a time. Your friend should try to focus on the happier times she had with her husband when he was alive and try not to dwell on his death. Thinking of the happier times spent with her husband and looking at pictures of the happy times will help her to get through each day.

There is nothing whatsoever comforting you can say.
Tell her ONLY that you are here for her, and you are so sorry. And whether she wants your help with anything or your support, or to talk, you are there at any hour of the day.
There is nothing comfort about his going fast. Lovely for him but she's in a state of total shock.
There's nothing comforting in anything here.
So tell her you are there for her, and will be.
THAT is a huge comfort.

MayDay,

I am sorry for the sudden loss of your friend.

I feel sudden losses are much harder on the families that are left behind.

I know someone who fell off a ladder while painting. He seemed to be doing alright but died in his sleep that night.

His wife freaked out when she woke up the next morning. She had an autopsy done to determine the actual cause of death. He was young, only in his 40’s. It was incredibly hard for his wife and young children.

My friend’s dad suddenly died with a heart attack while driving when she was eight years old.

Her dad left for work and kissed his family goodbye, then died on the way home from work. He was slumped over the steering wheel dead not too far from his home.

A guy that I worked with was struck by lightning in a freak storm while golfing. His son said at his funeral that he was glad that his father died doing something that he loved. The man was only a few months away from retirement.

These situations are so sad. I think you handled this situation well. It is going to take some time to get over the shock. As you said, one day at the time is all she can do at this point in time.

I have a good friend whose husband died in his sleep and on top of the shock and grief she had to deal with a police investigation because it was an unexpected death, which was unnerving even if it was "just a formality". She couldn't help but wonder whether there were warning signs she had missed in the days and weeks before, and whether she should have seen or done something that night that could have saved him.... fortunately the doctor kindly reassured her that she couldn't possibly have known or done anything differently.

My sister came home from work one day last year and found her husband deceased - widow maker heart attack. No notice. She has still not ‘recovered’ from that shock of the sudden loss. She also a friend come to her husband’s memorial and then 3 months later that friend’s husband passed away in his sleep without any warning. My sister called me up to tell me about this, and to ask me what she should say to her friend about losing her spouse. She was confused because she (my sister) is still grieving over a year later - bursting into tears if she sees a fishing pole, or passes jack in the box (hubbies favorites). Anyway, she wants to tell her friend how awful it is - that it never goes away, but doesn’t want to do that because she doesn’t want her friend to hurt. All I can say is that it is a process, everyone deals with loss differently, there is no ‘timeline’. All you can do is be there for her, like she was for you.

I am so sorry for your loss and your friend's loss. Death, sudden or expected, leave a void in most people's lives and the only way to deal with it is day-by-day, often hour-by-hour. Hopefully, your reconnection with old friends will help you all build a new support structure. May you find peace and comfort.