Any advice on helping mom with incontinence, how do we get her to go in the adult diaper?

I have not read the rest of the thread, so if I am repeating other advice, I apologize in advance.

Some incontinence products are very stylish and look like underwear. Maybe those will help.

My DH is home and has a urinal on his walker at all times. Sometimes in his haste to reach "the throne" he forgets to use the urinal first.

The way I deal with it is, 'it's kind of like housebreaking a puppy' - sometimes it's all how you can deal. No, it's not pleasant, especially when diarrhea in included in the mix - but at least he's still alive and with me. That's why God invented Clorox Wipes!

Try a portable potty to put near her bed or where she would be sitting so she wouldn't have walk so far.

My late grandmother had incontinence and dementia I had a hard time keeping the diapers on her. Just be sure to be patient when our loved ones have dementia it is difficult to manage. we are their children yet know they are children so just stay calm and patient .

I am a 69 yo woman and want to share the positioning trick that helped me with my mild, intermittent urinary incontinence. This tip is for women only. I have never tried it with men who have urinary incontinence but wonder if it would help men to?

What I have learned thru the last several years is a way of body positioning to prevent that leakage that comes out after I feel finished voiding sitting on the commode. The leak it prevents is that 1-2 tablespoons that comes after you feel empty. After you stand, you then get resoaked a small amount as you pull up your panties.

So there you are, standing with your folded arms moved from your waist to your knees and lifting your bottom high into the air your position change may output some more urine. It feels to me that I have 2 bladders. So great to avoid soiling 2 pair of panties for 1 void!

how:
Sit on the commode and void all you can. The position for this first voiding is sitting with you arms crossed hugging your waist and slightly leaning forward.

After you wipe, you cross your arms over your knees now. Then you stand and lift high your bottom so that the residual amount of urine can be emptied right there after standing you push/strain to get more urine out.

CAUTION Straining to void or pass stool using these tips should never be be attempted alone. Caregivers must be aware that one could easily fall head first when leaning over and straining. It could lead to disaster. If you have hand bars to hold on to is ideal.

The 'pushing/straining/grunting to void or stool is called the val salva maneuver. It is a dangerous movement and can cause the patient to faint and fall!!! Someone or even a second one is needed to protect by CONSTANT HANDS ON, no exceptions. If a doctor is involved it would help to get his order regarding this positioning. Nursing assistants and new home caregivers should all know that this is dangerous and something not to do without guidance and training. Please do not go try it on your own.

best regards
a fellow leaker

I recommend calling them "comfort briefs" to distinguish them from regular underwear and give them a positive spin. After all, they will make her more comfy. I agree with the 2-hour toileting schedule.

I would suggest getting her a box of depends that look like underware and they also come in colors, three different colors in a box. Also, I think it is a good idea to have to go to the bathroom every two to three hours to sit on the commode even if she does not feel the need to go. I would limit the amount of fluids before bedtime. A tip for getting those wet diapers off is to have a pair of round tip scissors near the commode and to cut them on each side and dispose of them small garbage lined waste can beneath the toilet paper. I really like the raised toilet seat with grab bars on each side. It goes over the commode and will allow her to get up to a standing position better! I would point out that most seniors are now using these briefs especially at night. They have extra long incontinency pads that stick inside the underpants, make sure you get the maximum absorbency and put them in her underware ahead of time. So, when she reaches for a pair on underpants, its already done for her. Switching to a decaf. tea or coffee helps too as caffeine causes more bladder contractions. I hope this helps and the very best to you and your mom.

My mother-in-law hated any diapers. We have recently switched to giving her pads. They seem to be working better and she likes them because her underpants don't cause her the problems that the plastic ones did. For incontinence, we also have put her on Pumpkin Seed capsules which are ingredients in AZO and a lot cheaper. These are two things that have helped us through the dementia.

Fergie my mom likes Depends best. She doesn't need the fancy ones but she adds a Poise Ultra pad, Long at night inside the Depends. They also have a night time Depends and we tried those, she liked them well enough but couldn't remember the difference between the two so would wear the nighttime during the day as well when she doesn't really need the extra protection and that get's more expensive. Since shes fine with adding the overnight pad and that works pretty well (and is more affordable) that's the set up we use. I get both the Depends and the Poise pads at Costco when they are on sale, mail order sometimes and the warehouse sometimes depending on a few variables or from Amazon through their auto delivery and just move it or skip a delivery when I pick them up cheaper elsewhere. I find Amazon auto ship is the best deal when there isn't a coupon or sale elsewhere but I shop them regularly because it changes. Amazon quantity is smaller at a good price too which has both an upside and a down side (It's kind of nice having a gross of them).

OMG, thank you so much for all the "GREAT" recommendations. We are trying diapers at night and the depend briefs during the day. We are going to give the house gowns and house robes a try in hopes she doesn't wet those to. This stage seems to be quit challenging, we can only do the best we can and keep praying. Thank you again every one for your support.

My mom actually seemed to prefer the disposables because they did absorb more

My late mother had underwear (pants) with a pad within the fabric. She also used a Poise pad. She became incontinent rather early on in life (age 60) and had one "accident" whereby younger co-workers saw her distress. She even helped me to wear a mini pad when I was hitting every bathroom on my route of errands!

I'm not sure how much toileting assistance the facility that your mom is in will provide. I think it varies by state. In my state, the regular AL would attend to toileting support, but, not double incontinence. I'd be confirming their policy, so you can make plans for the future.

Once my LO started with urine issues, the other came quickly and she was not able to handle her own toileting at that point. That's about the time she also needed Memory Care. They handled it all and do that by having a toileting schedule for bathroom and/or changing of her Depends. If the person with dementia can't get their depends and clothes up and down, they must be accompanied to the bathroom each time for complete care.

I have recently started wearing Icon panties which have the pad directly in the panties. They feel comfortable to me, have a silky finish and look stylish. Unfortunately, they are a little pricey and I bought them online from New York. They come in two styles, two different absorbencies and several different colours. As they are well made I have been able to wash them many times in cold water and hang to dry. I understand there is a company in Quebec province which makes another type and the company claims these are sold at many pharmacies. Perhaps you have to ask for your pharmacy to stock them. Unfortunately, all this doesn't solve the problem of her not pushing the panties down far enough. My own mother has had similar problems in the last couple of months. I was able to convince her that she would be able to sleep much better with the 'special' panties (adult diapers) knowing that she could just let go and wouldn't wet the bed. I even took a sample one and poured a glass of water into it to prove they would absorb the urine and wouldn't feel damp on the skin. Good luck with your mum.

The pumpkin seed, as suggested by another poster will work.

Withholding fluids at night is not a good idea as it can cause dehydration and create other problems.

If she wants to drink, she needs to drink. By the time someone feels thirsty, they are already slightly dehydrated.

Dehydration can cause dizziness and lead to falls. It can also cause irregular heartbeats, as well as adversely effect liver and kidney health.

I had the same experience with my mom and grandmother. we finally just took away all her regular panties and replaced them with adult pull ups. they never said a word. if we asked them to wear them, they refused. but by replacing them in her drawer, they were ok with it. then comes the problem of getting them changed when wet or soiled

Just seeing a new TV ad for diapers that are called 'boutique'. Can't remember the brand name. They appear to be a light pinkish/orange color and they look like soft and natural under clothes. They have some flowers too. They come up to the waist and are truly pretty. Just their existence gives me hope if my potential leaking worsens. I wonder if other brands exist that are similar. This is the first time I have seen 'girly' feminine panties; these I would feel comfortable even wearing them around my husband!