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Mom has dementia. She moved in with us in June and I have been helping shower her once a week since. But this week she has tried to out smart me and went into bathroom and turned on shower for a minute as to get it wet and then came into living room and told me she took a shower that day . I said well you didnt wash your hair so we need to do that... She them a few minutes later "decided" she was ready to go to bed lol.. She then got back up after we layed down. "we have cameras" What's the best way for me to approach this? Do I just get shower all ready and spring it on her ? She is a smoker and stinks! Help!

My father got "afraid" of the shower - so we went to sponge baths. I was told by several people that many with dementia are "afraid" of the running water from the shower.
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Reply to RichardL
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If the shower is becoming too big an ordeal for her, or she is feeling uncomfortable about it, then you will need to address her concerns.
She might now need more help. Make it easy for her. It will be a LOT of work for you! First, make sure the shower is comfortable and safe. Place a shower chair so she can sit down, and it's easiest if you have a handheld shower head.
Get the water warm before she goes in. Help her undress, make sure there is a soft warm towel waiting for her when she is done. Be cautious of the water spray. The spray may make her feel uncomfortable, or even scared. If the spray continues to bother her, try pouring warm water over her, using a large plastic cup or bowl, and make sure it's warm, but not too hot.
Gentleness and comfort should be your primary focus. Do your best to make it a relaxing experience, like it's a spa day for her. Pamper her. Trim and paint her nails afterward, or style her hair, apply luxury face cream and body lotion, with an added soothing massage.

If this is too much for you, OR if she is uncomfortable having you help with bathing, hire someone to give her a bath/shower once a week. She may be more comfortable with a stranger whose job it is to help her with bathing. Then, she know they're there for a purpose - they are not leaving until the task is done.

In between showers, you can get a no-rinse shampoo cap which you apply and massage the hair, then simply remove and throw away. You can give sponge baths, I like to use disposable wipes, and cleanse the underarms, neck & chest, in between the legs, and apply fresh powder and/or deodorant.
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Reply to CaringWifeAZ
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Definitely tell not ask when it's time for your mom to take a shower, and then make sure that you go in to help her. Make sure she has a shower bench to sit on, grab bars, slip proof mat on the shower floor, and a hand held shower head. to make it easier for her and for her to feel safe.
She should really be taking 2 showers a week and on the in-between days you can use extra large body wipes to wash her with if needed and the waterless shampoo and conditioner caps to wash her hair. Both you can buy on either Amazon or Walmart.com.
You can also hire a shower aide with moms money who will come and give her a shower if you are finding it too difficult to do by yourself.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Do you ask or tell? I never asked. I just told Mom "Time for a shower" while I was walking her to her bathroom. They become like toddlers so when asked, first response is NO. Make sure the bathroom is warm. Moms tended to be cold in tge winter so I put a small heater in their to warm it up. She had a shower chair that I placed away from the water spray. I had a handheld shower head that I rinsed her down with, then suds her up, and rinsed again. I was letting her wash herself but RN daughter said faster to just do it yourself. I placed a towel on the toilet seat and dried her there and dressed her in the bathroom.

Those with Dementia get to where they won't bathe.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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