Any advice for taking care of a husband with alcohol-related dementia who is angry and verbally abusive to caregiver (me) but not with others?

Dealing with rages and verbal abuse in addition to the alcoholism you've been dealing with is too much. Next time he freaks out, call 911 and have him transported to the ER for a psych evaluation. At discharge time, refuse to take him back home and let the social worker know you can't manage his care at home anymore. If he refuses to go to the ER, call the police for domestic violence. They can order him to the hospital for a psych evaluation. Don't wait until he hurts you physically to take a stand here. This happens often with dementia patients, so be on high alert. And make an appointment with an Elder Care attorney to talk about YOUR rights and how to dissolve this marriage if necessary, and take your fair share of the assets. Lots of details to discuss.

I'm sorry you're going through such a thing. That your dh can treat others in a civilized fashion means he's making a choice to mistreat you and that's not okay. His lifelong choices have been poor ones and it's YOU who's paying the price. Decide when it's time to start looking after yourself for a change.

Good luck to you

Please do not hesitate to call 911 if you feel your safety is at risk!

I hope you have medical professionals you can check in with and consult with about this dicey caregiving scenario. I’m glad (as per your profile) that you are considering a care facility.

I’m so sorry you and your husband are facing this tragic situation.

If it’s not acceptable that he treats you horribly, don’t do it. You don’t have to take care of someone who abuses you. You’re dealing with two major diseases here - alcoholism, which is addiction, and dementia. It’s beyond your pay grade. Also you don’t have to stay married to him. No one would blame you if you divorced an alcohol-addicted, abusive and demented spouse. You deserve a better life.