My father is 65 and has been ill through his life: arthritis w/ two hip replacements at 40, psoriasis, diabetes etc. We've always had a strained relationship, in the past good but he's often very unreasonable or even spiteful. He was a good father and always helped me out when he could.
In November 2016 his left artificial hip got infected and had to be taken out. He was in intensive care: the infection caused sepsis which spread to different organs and into the blood. He nearly died but they managed to clear up the infection and get him healthy again. The hip was replaced and he got out of hospital/care in the summer of 17 to have about one year of (relative) good health.
In Nov. 2018 he went back into hospital with pain in the left hip again: another terrible infection that went from the hip to various other organs and again sent him into a coma where he nearly died. Again they eventually cleared up the infection after months of treatment, and several episodes where they had to put him in an induced coma to treat him, all the time as he got weaker and weaker and often had episodes of delirium. Docs told me that there was extremely little chance of a 3rd artificial hip being put in.
In spring 2018 he was discharged before being sent to a residential care home out of the city to recover for two months, where he worked with therapists to get him walking a little bit on a frame and getting around the rest of the time in a motorised wheelchair. He got stronger and eventually went back to his flat.
Since then he has got much worse and in November 2018 was diagnosed with advanced liver cirrhosis. More than one dr told me that the chances of him getting a replacement were pretty much 0, and in fact, that they never even put him on the list. Since then he's been in and out of hospital again and again to have fluid removed from his stomach, living on his own for a while with carers visiting 3x per day but totally incapacitated. He has quickly become sicker and sicker. They told him there's no way he'd get his hip replaced.
All the while it's been me as the only son, and his gf (who has been truly fantastic) caring for him. His brother and mother visit from time to time, with his brother coming for 24 hours at a time (!) and doing basically nothing then going back to the UK (my father and I live in Germany) leaving me holding the ball. Now he's in a nursing home and at the end stages of his life.
I've been running around now for nearly 16 months from home to various different institutions, hospitals and homes, multiple phone calls everyday, bringing him anything he wants and visiting him minimum 3x per week as well as always being on the end of the phone to my uncle/grandma. I am absolutely exhausted. He is never easy to deal with, has criticised me several times for not doing enough and places increasingly unreasonable and unthoughtful demands on me. He's phoned me on holiday and given me a guilt trip. I'm working full time but have now been signed off work due to stress and im ill. I appreciate that he is needy and doesn't want to be in the situation but I just can't do anymore.
I try my best to stay patient, but has just become more and more demanding to the point where it's impossible to do what he's asking because his requests make no sense. I've spent nights at his flat where I've been able to get no sleep and had requests every 15 minutes all through the night.
I also feel guilty because when dr(s) told me he wouldn't get a liver replacement I didn't question it or beg, in fact I almost felt relieved that this wouldn't continue much longer - I feel really ashamed of that and feel like I could've done something to get him a transplant - but then I think, it's the drs responsibility to give him that option and after assessing him they never offered it - but still I feel very guilty like I should have pushed them to give him a new liver, but a big part of me wants it to be over. Maybe I'm just a bad person. Any advice?