Can some of you suggest an answer when he says why am I not going home?

Follow
Share

My husband will be leaving hospital tomorrow. He thinks he is coming home. But he is not. We are transporting him directly to a memory care center. (The alz has not progressed yet to the point where he doesn't know where he is and we are hoping for s amooth transition without him getting really upset because he is not "going home.".

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
9

Answers

Show:
I've generally found something includes "the doctor wants you to..." helps with my mom.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Philis, that is a valid point. Not everyone with dementia has a severe memory loss. You have to know your loved one well to determine what "lies" are therapeutic and which might cause distress.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

One thing though, if they do have regular memory, don't lie because they need someone they can trust, if you lie to them and they remember it specifically it may never be restored the trust they may have had before and will feel all alone which will lead to them lashing out at everyone more and more.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

"You aren't quite ready to be on your own yet, and I can't handle all your needs. We didn't want you to have to stay in the hospital so we found this nice place with staff on duty around the clock, to take care of you until you are ready to come home. I'll visit you often, and I'll keep an eye on the care you get."
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Everyone dealing with dementia should read this thread. You guys have really covered the issue well!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I would just repeat a phrase like "don't worry everything is taken care of"

Make answers short and memorable and comforting yet non specific. Don't sit around him long enough for him to question you further too much. If you go see him have someone with you to interrupt and change the subject if needed, in 5 minutes he most likely will forget he even asked some question anyway.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Dementia patients are worried about the answer for "right now", and not any farther ahead than that. Just address the right-newness and don't worry about his questions tomorrow.

You can say that he is moving to a different care unit to get better. This is not a lie. And it's not too much information that would be upsetting.

These days, hospitals are only to get people out of crisis and then get them discharged to somewhere else for the longer term care. You almost never hear of anybody who has a 10 day hospital stay for routine surgery, birth, or recuperation anymore.

He will have the same questions over & over, so don't feel like you have to give the "court accurate" version of the answer over & over. You only need to say enough to satisfy the question of the moment. And you will need to learn how to say things in a way to keep him calm even if it's a therapeutic fib.

My mom doesn't know her brother passed away recently. She's in an advanced stage of dementia and on hospice. When she asks about her side of the family, I only say that "everybody loves you and wants you to feel better". I don't give a recount of individuals and I certainly won't disclose any upsetting facts.

I look at it this way. It doesn't matter if they don't have 100% of the factual truth because they aren't going to make life decisions or business decisions based on this information. Nothing bad will come to them because of not knowing.

It's a new communication skill to learn and it will feel very weird for a good while.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

The reason he is in the hospital (crisis management center) is because he bcame EXTREMELY combative ( ALZ) and we had to call emergency - they took him to the hospital and the cmc unit. He has calmed down to a docile state after the doctor gave him a sedative.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

May I ask what was the reason your husband was in the hospital? Would it be something you could use by saying "the doctor would like you to be in rehab for awhile to get stronger". Hopefully the memory care center has physical therapy that he could take advantage of so it will feel like rehab.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions